|Like an unfinished book|

okay..

2 songs

Guess i'll start with CONFUSED, because thats what I am. When you do things like THIS, then I feel like i'm being pushed away and makes me want to quit, but when you do things like THAT, I know that everythings going to be okay and i'm happy with where everything is. And then theres also the OTHER THING you do, and it makes me feel like I do want this but theres no hope.

I'll start with THAT. You've been doing things like that for some time now, and thats when i've been feeling so secure, so happy, so good like that 1st time feeling and so perfect. Everything was all good when you do things the way you did. But then you started doing things like this..

And now its making me think. Think about all the little "what if..", "am i..." or "but then.." arguments in my head. When you do things like this I think that maybe i'm Doing To Much. Then I start thinking of the other options, and how i really think i feel. Like when im with you I feel like i dont want to let go but it hurts to stay, and when im without you its so easy to think of just leaving because i feel as if im the only one keeping this going. When you do the things like THIS I get angry and think of those kind of things and i feel as if its so easy to be Fallin Out. Then after you do things like this and were in person, it becomes that OTHER THING.

Were there, physically in person, just hanging out. Youre doing that OTHER THING, and i know i have no conrtol. Thats where it hurts the most. The whole time its been your choice, your decission, your word, your say, your control. Ive done my part, and thats all i can do. And with the way youve been doing things, i have no clue with whats going on or how all of this is going to end up, and i get so scared. So scared to loose you.

I dont want to but i think im slowly Fallin out.

¿ what is this ?

winter breaks been busy; time to blog..

CHRISTmas eve
woke up, exchanged gifts at jels, home, got ready, took a nap, got re-ready, went to cousins place, went back home, ate dinner (w/dad, ate, kuya, & felicia), opend dads gift, chilled, went back to cousins place, slept at moms.

CHRISTmas day
woke up, went back to sleep, woke up, ate came, woke up kuya, opend moms gifts, ate, chilled, went home, got ready, ate dinner at moms, went to cousins, partied, went home.

CHRISTmas aftermath (boxingday)
got my early wake up call, got ready a.s.a.p, skytrained to lougheed, bussed to coquitlam centre, SHOPPED w/jamiejane brianchester & dyankyle, boothpics!, chilled at jamies, headed to metro, then downtown, got him a better christmas gift, headed home.

it was good to chill with my cousins like before. now that jamie can drive, haha things are getting a little better, and more like they used to be. it wont be soon before long by the time i'll be driving and out on the streets. "watch out, jamie's on the road" haha! good stuff.

why is everything going so perfect right now? just the right amout of down sides, and the right amount of up rights. i really needed this winter break. with what i've been going through just before the break, i think i deserve this. im happy with where everything is at right now. lets not jinx it...

new years resolution?
-no more rebellious actions
-no more hate
-no more wrongs
-MORE good

STILLTOBUYlist:
-notebook
-petertaylor shirt
-one more dunny?

LOVESHERSELF.

do you know?
beacause i don't?

I should just never think again...

Yeah cause thats gonna happen.

s-t-you-p-i-d

making it harder on myself.

Noo more, no more.

CHANGE OF PLANS FOR THE FUTURE AHEAD

Been talking with my mom, and considering some things such as my planns for next year, to make things better for me. I've been thinking about moving back in with her. In doing so i'll be able to get a car, take courses outside of school for more education to my future occupation, work, and go to a school which will be much closer. Which means that i'll be going to Sullavin Heights for my grad year. Thinking about switching schools now, isn't a big deal with me. Grad year is supposed to be the best right? So i'll make the best of it, with the new people/ classmates i'll be grading with. Plus school is supposed to help me with things for the future right? So maybe this will be a good choice because they have a good educational program, and an INSANE arts program. It will help alot for attending schools after highschool. The 2 parts thats kinda brining me down about this is that i'll be even further away from everybody/everything, and that I know I won't be seeing my dad as much. But with being a little bit further I guess wont be so bad since transit wont be a problem because i'll be getting a car. And also if I get a car, I can see my dad when I please. But I honestly don't know how much time i'm going to be putting into that, thought I want to, I know myself, and how I would deal with these things. I'll say it, and do it, but not as offten as I plan to.

THEN AGAIN.. this is all things that i'm just considering. Though I know i'll have to make the final decission sooner than I think. I got less than a year to decide. I just have to wait because my decission will be based on the senarios that i'll be encountering durring the time that I have left yet to decide. For now, I just got to make the best of what ever I have now, that I might not have next year.

Its either This or That.

Just something else to think about for the rest of the time I have yet to decide.

"Sing like you know the words, Dance like nobodies watching, and Love like it wont hurt." -unknown

I GOT TO MAKE THE MOST OF IT & DON'T THINK TO FAR AHEAD.

Lost touch of the citysand

As the year goes by the seasons are changing
Memories remaining
My thoughts are replacing

The light of my candle dims down to a glow
As I watch it go
The dark is coming, I know

What do I do now?
I can't see anymore
I've lost sight of the sand
That the city holds

I've lost my way
But i'm down on my knees
And i'm begging please
Let there be light again

I feel so alone in the darkness around me
No one to help me
But im trying so hard

Where did I get the candle?
How did it light?
Who lit it?
Where did you go?

With out this light
I see no city
I see no sand
Now it's just me

Do I dare speak?
Would anyone listen?
Do I dare search?
Would I find anything?

I speak
No response
I search
Nothing found

I try endlessly hoping to find something
And still I get nothing

All I can do now is sit here and wait

Maybe the light will shine once more
And maybe again show me land
Because I know that im all for
Finding that citysand

-CParto

I miss the citysand

 

 

 

The next step of Education

1st days always a joy. I guess.
New classes, new classmates, classrooms, teachers, and curriculum.
My 1st taste of grade 11, and i found it to be alright i guess.
Its not MUCH of a change yet. Indo time cas, indo time.

Well heres the schedual...

• 1st sem.

A. socials11 CARR
B. math11 VARGHESE
C. philosophy12 CHAMBERS
D. biology11 SIMON

• 2nd sem.

A. film/tv11 DE LUCA
B. english11 NYGAARD
C. theatre performance11 KOWALSKI
D. art foundations11 JONES

Changes? Planning to.
Im going to switch my philosphy class to next sem. with jel and elwin for blkD and then remove art and put infotech for blkC in 1st sem. Hopefully i can get my changes before my classes are final.

okay bye.