I over did it.
Everything was just.. overwhelming, wasn't it? Once again I was the bad cop. It always comes around the next day, when I'm back to my senses, and have time to think about last nights conversation. "Why did I have to mention that when I knew it would end that way?". There I go again, not thinking, just acting.. acting stupid. Saying the first frustrated thing that boils up in my mind. And I'm here, next morning thinking what was I DOING?! Mad at myself, 'cause I know I pushed it. Nothing would have happened if I didn't have to open my mouth to begin with. I should have just kept it all in, no matter how much sht bugged me. I knew better than that.. or at least I thought I did. I think I got scared. Scared of loosing you even more than I already had. Yet, I was trying so hard to avoid the very thing I was doing. Pushing you away even further. You can't imagine how bad I feel, or how sorry I am. (I hate the over use of that word.)But I wholeheartedly mean it.
That whole time we were together that day, I did not even realize the date. October 16th... A day I told myself I would not forget. Can't believe its been a year now. It didn't seem that long ago, since I still remember how it went down, and how it went the day after, and the day after that. Kanye's concert would have been a lot different, and seeing you act "that way" the day after that... well that changed A LOT for me. I'm not even going to go into the "what if"s, 'cause everybody knows that you can't change the past, so why bother trying to make it up in your mind and stress over something that's not going to happen? I say don't.
Situations been messed up so badly that, 'nothing even matters' no more. What's done is done. And what left is there possibly left for me to screw up?
I got to look past all of this, and learn from it. I've already been doing a good job with covering up my emotions, and looking pretty happy. I'm not going to let myself mope around. No more of that. Just learn. Just find happiness.
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