Old Playlists

101 - Alicia Keys
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CCfZWRhAS94

Bliss - John Legend Ft. Teyana Taylor
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XD0MSFlsnuc

In A Whisper - Norah Jones
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3HvIoF_tiIg

In Remembrance of me - Blu & Exile
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cIhY62SRWXY

Some To Remember - Mar
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eTpnV-nyuKU

Simply Beautiful - Mara Hruvoy (Cover)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WsRQ75kqn64

Ah Yeah - Robert Glasper Ft. Musiq Soulchild & Chrisette Michele
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uz90BOQHOHg

Bedtime - Usher
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nJsBXOBO0M0

The last time I checked in I didn't have a clue on how I was going to revive myself.


Since then i've been a lot busier. Filling up my schedule with work, nights out with the girls, pampering myself, and most importantly thinking about what is going to get me moving forward. So often there are moments alone where a chance could be taken to let myself fall and mourn about how alone I have been. These missed opportunities have passed only for the best.

Though living on a tight schedule has got me going in the direction I want to be in, it has also worn me down. There are still nights where lonely creeps near, but I have enough strength to keep sadness a little more distant.

My heart ache tells me I want someone near. Yet, all this hard work to get out of Surrey and move to Vancouver is only going to make me as far as possible. At least to everyone that has been close with me for the last few months.


Secretly, I want to get on a plane and never come back. Secretly, I want something more than just a friendship. Secretly, I don't know what the hell i'm doing.


Looks like I need to do some more thinking. I'll check back in sooner than later.


omw to finding Peace & Happiness.



-
I invested so much of myself in someone else. Now that that someone else is gone, i'm only what is left of what I haven't invested in.


nts: Don't do that again.

Find love within yourself. That's what Cas needs to do.

Midnight Hour

When was the last time I said love?

Anything done without love feels empty.

I feel empty.

And I don't know how to fix this.

TY: Number 18?

It always seems like March is my most stressful month of the year.. Or at least it has been for the past 2 years, this year being my 3rd. Its not even the same thing either. Each year its been something different. Slowly its seriousness has slightly lowered each year, but its still pretty bad. I really do believe that if my life had to be a series of novels it would be "The Series of Unfortunate Events."

Thanks Jamie for introducing me to those books when we were younger & thanks again for these quotes.

Time to rest my mind a little.
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SEX THERAPY

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
Hey yeah
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
Hey yeah

Stressed out uptight, over worked wound up
Unleash what you got lets explore your naughty side
Follow me where we go, we dont need no bread crumbs
Cant you see baby you're the only one
You are my love, you are my love
Let me be your medicine
Cause I got one thing on my mind Ill be your valentine
Spread your wings and baby fly away

Its your body you can yell if you want to
Loud if you want to, scream if you want to
Just let me love you lay right here girl don't be scared of me
Give you sex therapy, give you sex therapy
Its your body well go hard if you want to
As hard as you want to, soft as you want to
Just let me love you lay right here Ill be your fantasy
Give you sex therapy, give you sex therapy

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
Yeah yeah
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
Ooooo

Baby less all for you to do is let your body be
Ill lick you down and make you feel like you bout it bout it
Ha ha ha ha ha ha, the doctors here for you
Take you like Twilight I'll bite your neck
You don't have to stay in the rain Ill get you wet, yeah
Push you up against the wall ,turn you out and turn you on
Eh eh whoa

Its your body you can yell if you want to
Loud if you want to, scream if you want to
Just let me love you lay right here girl dont be scared of me
Give you sex therapy, give you sex therapy
Its your body well go hard if you want to
As hard as you want to, soft as you want to
Just let me love you lay right here Ill be your fantasy
Give you sex therapy, give you sex therapy
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WHOAMIKIDDING?

atm

I feel like I can't do this. The pressure is pushing it out of me. I'm trying to be all I can me but I'm really testing my strength, and I've found my weakness. Running a life on a fully set schedule isn't good. Not for me at least. It sucks not having time. Why don't I make time though? Why? Well cause I gotta stay on the grind. Pay for this adult life I didn't sign up for. I never chose to live the way I am now. Yeah I might have signed up for the jobs & schooling but its cause I had to. We're not in this for the experience of living on our own. We're doing this for ourselves cause we rather be the ones putting pressure on ourselves rather than you guys putting it on us. Yeah having a place of my own is "cool" at 18 but there are so many things i can but can't manage, or not liking. I don't like going home tired after a hard day of work walking late at night for a good 20mins in the cold and no one there. Yeah straight up it does get lonely. For this whole weekend everytime I come home no ones been there, even if I do come home past 1-2 in the am. The house all to myself & my music. Having a few hours before my body actually wants to sleep but not in the right state of mind to do homework, or do it well. I'm struggling, I'm hurting, and I'm not liking it.

What do I do? What can I do?

.. & "robin thicke - sex therapy" starts playing

Fck I mine-as-well be an adult now and get this age shit going. I'm already living the adult life, with out the legal "19" title.

Can I get out of here? I don't like complaining, but I keep doing it. Please free me from this struggle. Someone, anyone.

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TY: Number Seventeen

Its been a while since I've been back to the jar. So I decided to pull out 2.

"I pray for you when things are down and out with the family. I know how hard it is for you to deal with."

Again I don't know who the submitted this one is, but I appreciate it. Its reassuring to know someone is thinking about you and praying for you. Paying is something I'm ashamed to admit that I haven't done in a while. Crazy sign came up out of the blue. A dear friend asked me to go to church with him this wednesday. I want to go. I miss the connection with me & the man in the clouds. He's actually the most consistent man in my life. I owe him so much. I believe its also time for another confession. Dates way past do, so it must be done.

Speaking of doing things...

"In Time, it isn't the things you do, but the things you leave undone, which give you a heartache at the setting of the sun"

I think its telling me to do homework..
Well that and possibly confession, which I do plan on doing. I'm on my way to getting things done. And all the little steps I take help every little bit. For example, creating my little post-its "To-do-lists" with check off boxes, or writing my schedule & homework down in my planner, and just setting my alarm extra early so I can have enough time to eat, shower, dress, and commute. Every bit counts, and that's how I get things done.

Time to check off the box that says sleep!
Btw: my eye stopped twitching :)

Good weekend
-OPENING CEREMONIES
-BigRidge
-Adyen Art Gallery
-Richmond *something* Tea Restaurant
-Aritzia
DEATs COMING SOON

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I made you bend so low haha sorry

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We love MJ <3

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Ronnie you're never this serious

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My peruvian family for the opening ceremonies

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QUICKY

-sat next to him "tellmewhatyournameis"
-full dress rehearsal
-i wish i got to see usher/nellyFertado/bryanAdams
-did run into Gerald though "hello"
-watched "This is it" again <3 ripMJ
-new couches in the house
-i think I'm sick
-muscles around my left eye, in my left arm & in my left leg keep twitching (third day now)
-i get to work up at TNA in WHISTLER next week fck yeah!
-Opening ceremonies in 2DAYS!!
-Ronnie you're hysterical please keep in touch even after the opening ceremonies =D

Mid Term STUDY TIME!
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TELLMEWHATYOURNAMEIS

"Just then it came as a surprise.
When I looked into your eyes.
Never walked up to a guy.
But here I go.
I don't wanna waste your time.
I just wanna make you mine.
Wanna play with you all night.
So tell me what your name is.
And I know I'm acting strange.
Girls ain't suppose to talk this way.
But I can't let you slip away.
So tell me what your name is.
I see you sitting all alone.
Tell me though, if you got a girl at home.
I gotta know,
Is she taking care of you.
Like I would do.
And he said I don't have a girl at home.
But I'm feeling you."

I always see you upstairs working on something. You pop your head up and your eyes get off your computer screen and meet mine. In those few moments our eyes meet I try not to show any emotions and go on to what I was supposed to be doing. We do this routine more than I can count or remember. Your always there. Today you came into our class to use the scanner. I always wondered where you went when you left your computer up there for so long. I'd probably never go up to you and start up a conversation, but one day I might get up on that other side of the bed & feel different. Seriously though, what's your name?! Oh and it might "relax" you and all, but fyi smoking is bad for you. Not cool. But I like your style. Even if you is more casual for the most part. You do it well, so keep doing it. I'll see you around guy..

littleschoolgirlcrush

Waking up in 5, sht
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NEVERTHOUGHTIDSEETHEDAY

Tonight was a sneak preview of what the Opening Ceremony is going to look like. We had an audience combined with family and friends . Each performer (including the closing ceremony performers) received 5 tickets to give out. Unfortunately my sister was not able to make it, but I ended up inviting my dad, brother, cousin chasthy, cousin kitt, & my mom. They spotted me during my performance & congratulated me at the end. On our back we all rode the train together. Pretty crazy since I know my cousins & brother haven't taken it in years, and awkward having both parents in the same place. My dad had given a ride earlier to everyone, and my mom had come from work. We all got off King George and started walking to the car. Usually my mom parks at the skytrain but she didn't bring the truck. So she started walking to the bus stop. My dad decided to offer a ride, but my mom started being stubborn & said "its ok I'll just bus" and I know it takes 2 different buses and a long walk to get home. Ate chasthy goes of laughing and says "what is this, highschool?" Haha we all start laughing trying to convince my mom to just get a ride from my dad. And she gives in. I know she never really wanted to bus. Though she did try to leave the stadium earlier but failed to get out of the gates cause she was lost hahaha. Anyways my dad ended up giving us all a ride. In the car my brother & dad were talking about the "this is it" dvd, and how it was going to be on Blu-Ray. As soon as my dad said that me and my brother looked at each other & started laughing sooo hard! Only because the day before when out mom came over we were talking about a Blu-Ray DVD player she won. My brother & I were making fun of how my mom pronounced "BLU-RAY". And the way my mom and dad both pronounce "BLU-RAY" is the exact same. So much emphasis on the RAY, like it swoops down hahahaha. My mom knew why we were laughing so she started poking my sides which made me laugh harder. And my ate chasthy was wondering why we were laughing, so I started to tell her the story. But my mom didn't want me to so she nudged me even more. I don't think she wanted me to point out that her & my dad are the same hahahaha. Oh man it was soo funny being in that car. I'm glad I got both of them to go. They still love me, even though they very much dislike each other hahaha :)

Good night, goodnight.

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WEAKend

This is the first weekend since NYE where I have not partied. I needed a break, but you could hardly say that a break was taken. This picture right here was my break. Time spent on the phone with you doodling in my book was my break. So much homework piling up, not enough time to get it done. My minds been at a stand still and my body is shutting down. This left eyes been twitching and there's no cure but sleep. Where do I find time for that? All work, no play = the death of me. Haha okay maybe not, but its not good. Opening ceremonies is over soon so that means no more 8 hour rehearsals, and no missing class. This means more time for setting these priorities straight.

ATM
I'm sitting in BC place in our dressing room, make up done but not in costume yet. Left eyes still twitching listening to "I can't help it Breakadawn mix" - Michael Jackson mixed by Dj Jazzy Jeff. On msn catching up with PJ. Waiting for the show to start, which will prolly be at 630. I'm kind of getting excited now that I know that the whole stadium will be full of people rather than just empty seats haha. Anddddddddd about to finish yet another pointless blog, but also a fine memory for myself to keep & look back at haha. K LATER!

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LifeisSOGOOD

FINALLY fully unpacked, all my laundry is done & this strawberry soy milk I'm drinking right now (thanks to abby for introducing me to it) is delicious & healthy. YUM.

__
You make me so ambitious. You see the beauty in people rather than their physical appearance. You're thoughtful, kind, & GOOD. You & I share a lot of the same thoughts. You know how to make me laugh & or just smile. You're you, and to you that's all that matters. & I like that about you.

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ROUGHDRAFT

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What the Grant?

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Who's number is this?

Oh. Okay.

Mm good bye.

_______________

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RECAP

School: aiight
Aritzia: CRAZY SALE "You snooze you loose sale!"
Big Ridge: grrreat
Home: Living with the brother & sister, good stuff. Groceries are expensive shttt. Transits a btch!
Olympics: long ass rehearsals
Love: not now, but he's nice :)
Dance: I miss you
Art: keeping me company
Serena: is an awesome bestfriend <3 haha 2010 what's up?!
Kevin: I don't know what'd I would do without you buddy! Thanks a lot!
Skype: Hahahahahahahhahahahahaha yo, your funny. Can't believe you're going to that extent to call me :P, sooo cute :) Cali 2010? Yeeeaaaa

=D
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