hard to please

honestly i think i am a little hard to please. i know, its not the best thing but i mean i think everybody is hard to please because everybody wants different things in certain ways. everything is going to be hard but in different amounts. the thing is you got to find a way to adapt and find the effort to make the adaptation. no kidding it might just be the hardest thing in the world beacause you may just be completly opposite, but its up to you to make it work.

so yes i admit, i am hard to please, but to make it work, its got to be 50/50, and i'm not going to let things slide.

i've become stronger and i know i have control of when to say "no". so when i do, which isn't very often, take it in a good way. take it in a way where no is good, for everybody & not just me, trust.

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i can't create a good drawing anymore. where'd it go?

so much going on

so many missed oportunities

so many walls to hit

give me a break

i think bad luck is just falling right into the leos laps

seriously, i don't know what we did.

but we must have done something

cause it seems like we're paying for it now.

sorry to see you like this.

i wish i could do more,

i'm already doing as much as i can

love you.

If you could...

... take away one feeling, what would it be?

I would take the nervous feeling away.
__________________________________

i'm probably not, cause i'm too short.

how fking great is that.


*sigh*

Good Love

Hey, I'm looking for... "Good Love yeaah"

Met a lot of women now they all tore

Ran through 'em all but I'm just not sure...

"Good love, I like that baby"

Yea... We gon' fight but I think that's just... "Good Love yeaah"

1st Class flights, almost home but I... "Just can't keep still"

almost home free

may long weekend, was hella long, & i LOVED it

-ians burday, tan po po
took forever, but food was good

-1st drop-in, at drive w/marc leslie & stew
got icecream from MARBLE SLAB
(peach icecream w/frozen strawberries ;SO GOOD)
hit up engrish bay & had some greek

-birthdays bbq with the cousins
party with 1/4th of sss

-aunties birthday brunch
MAD shopping in poco :)

ANOTHER weekend gone by, and we're just that much closer to summer. can the weather just stay like this please? Lola's birthday last night was good. Happy 79th! stay healthy <3 The day was so nice.. it was warm all day. not too hot, not to cold.

i got less than a month less.. *sigh
i can do this.
when its over, i'll be homefree

at least until sept...
Me? a sullavin girl ?
we'll see how i fit in.

moving houses will be the worst part
.. not exactly looking forward to that
i'm sorry :(
I'll still visit! i promise :D
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dads back from hawaii tmr.
i want to go there :(

why do i even question it?
i know it just leads to no good.

FCK!

i just want to get thingss straight
and know whats going on.


the heats getting to me, and so is the time

it's all on you mr. weather man

did you feel it? did you? yeah it was the sun :D yeah.. a lot of shii was a bother but it didn't matter cause the sun was out. "i'm so happy, its sunny" - marc, haha told you the weather can effect a persons mood, especially mine. i'm still ill, but i could still breath, and as long as i'm breathing i'm living, and more living means more time to enjoy the sun. did it not feel like summer today? it was like i was sampling what summer was going to be like. Ahhh. Still got problems to deal with but i'm looking over things and only taking the important situations into consideration. I finally got control, and most importantly over my anger hahaha, you can get mad, but watch me, watch me not care, and watch me watching you look stupid because you're getting mad over nothing, and you're the only one arguing :) ha!

this will be one hell of a busy long weekend.

30 degrees baby!

i'm ready

it took some time, but i did it.

How Far?

"How far will you go to prove to me that i'm wrong,

Show me that i'm strong,

By your words; through a song?

You see so much more in me that i can't see in myself,

Like i store it on a shelf,

But you make me bring it down by myself.

You make me go through those hard times just so i can realize

Those lies,

That i've been tryn'a hide

Deep inside

That i've been tryn' to escape.

So i can't fake it to the world,

You see i am your girl,

And nothing else matters in the world,

Except that you are with me.

Then again i ask you,

How far will you go

Just to let me know

That you'll still be here when i'm down,

Tell me

How far will you go?"

-03.11.07

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Look how far you went. & for me.. i made it this far, why stop trying now? I'm thankful for the pushes, for the forgiveness, for the arguments, and for the discipline. I needed all of that, and i'm thankful for it too. There is too much in the past to forget about in the future. I cannot go anywhere else but forwards from here. I'm not going back to that, i just know it. Just like i know that i'm going to prove it to them. I can't exactly explain, i just know. I just hope that you know too.

I can only be angry with myself, because thats who put me here

selah

anything that comes out of my mouth

has become that click that triggers

your bullet of anger.

but i stand there without a shield

or anything else for protection.

this is when the laws of hell

come into play.

the law of non-stop hurt & suffering

but you never die no matter how

bad the pain is because...

you're already dead.

and what for ?

*inhale*

this was worse than i thought... i can't believe it actually carried this far. but because its such a big deal i've some how automatically grown to cope & hide behind this mask that doesn't even exist. i messed up bad, and i know it too, but i really am trying. just wait, give me a little more time. i'll show you, i will, i promise. i knew it too, and i kept pushing my limit/bending the rules. i did all of that, and what for? i guess i did the things i did looking for happiness? yet in the end i question all the things i've been doing and ask myself "was it really really worth it?". you know i don't regret any of it, but i'm not proud of any of it either. "what doesn't kill me makes me stronger" .. i know it will, but its a really fragile topic right now.

1st priority... clean up my act
then i'll find the real happiness i've been looking for

*exhale*


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other than the babies drama...

-full day of school
-FINALLY DONE MY DUNNY PAINTING :D
-LOVING the sun.. it makes me happy
-sadly still sick
-chilled with serena
-took care of "casandra" our baby ;)
-played rockband
-ate
-tv
-ian came over
-bbt/food
-more rockband
-late night chill

missed you guys

the baby of the family

how many times have you thought to yourself "you won't/don't understand.." ?
i'm pretty sure more than once.

there's a lot of things you don't know
and i know that one of those things are that I was actually trying to do better
and be more at home, and all that good stuff for you guys.
but then it was like i was back in that "circle"
being teamed up on.

can't believe i heard the things i did.
your making it even harder then it already is
by asking those unnecessary questions
you know it too so i don't know why you keep going.

what's left to do?
i don't know, i'm so confused.

these are the symptoms

headaches
sleepless nights
homework till the a.m.

stress
twitches
*cough cough*ahem*

expensive phone bill
wet phone screeen
unable to speak right

bell rings
walk away
loss of appetite

I need a prescription

Since the 28th...

I think i really need to get on that english homework i've been pushing back lately, but right now i'll just finish what i started.

30th - Collabo was fun. Vince, or should i say Taxi. Haha that's what you get for getting your N before everyone else :) Chilled with jel & played RockBand! "CitySand"

1st - Chadley's 17th Birthday! "meenat" / Sickstylz practice, where i got flipped accidentally and banged my head into anthony's leg! Thanks a lot! Mouth with braces + leg = blood & cuts... now =kanka sores :(

2nd - PRO D! Went downtown w/jel. Saw quite a bit of people while we were out.

3rd - Saturday was a "spend time with my parents" kinda day. Went out with mom in the am looking for grad shoes.. no luck. But we're checking the states next weekend. Got mc Ds & dairy queen, haha i was so happy :) Once i got home i left for a date... with my dad! And we went to the theaters & watched IRON MAN! Oh my goodness i'm in love with the iron man guy & the the whole movie in general. SO good. GO WATCH IT! I had fun with my dad :)

4th - Sickstylz... hardcore cardio/workout sesh. Haven't worked out like that since.. last years PE class when we'd have collabo/work out wednesdays. I really hope i don't feel it in the morning. Got home had bbq with dad & the gf, and my brother came over too. After dinner obviously we played rockband. It takes 1 dad and 1 son to play the drum's on medium, haha. It was fun.

For some reason it feels like the things i've done like a day or two ago seems so far away now. Weird. Anyways i'm glad i've been staying home more.. and spending time with the family. I'm try not to get my dad mad at me all the time. I think its working.
Still i've been stressing a lot lately. Why exactly, i don't know. Maybe i just need more sleep. My eating habits are fine.. well actually i've been eating a lot, but it's all good. I heard that if you don't get your 8 hours of sleep your systems all messed up and then it starts effecting your eating habits/diet, and makes your body crave things like foods that have a lot of sugar to keep you awake. That's why you crave for sweets because your body will start wanting the things it thinks it needs to get energy your going to need for the day. (i hope that sentence made sense..) I think that's whats been happening to me. I'm always wanting sweets, but i don't care cause i'm not really gaining anything haha. But i think i need to start gaining.. & growing. Stupid feet are so damn small i can't find any heels that fit me. That's why i'm having trouble finding grad shoes. *sigh... why do i have to be so small :(

thing's i've been working on:
-catch-up for english
-freestyling
-self time / sleeping
-staying home/ or just making my dad happy with me
-dunny painting
-us

Most of its getting better. Mostly the last 3. & i'm satisfied with that :)
That's all it's about. Happiness.

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Up coming events...
-jerome's birthday (6th)
-kuya's birthday (7th)
-last school dance (8th)
-MOTHER'S DAY (11th)

Till then, ¡Ciao!