and what for ?

*inhale*

this was worse than i thought... i can't believe it actually carried this far. but because its such a big deal i've some how automatically grown to cope & hide behind this mask that doesn't even exist. i messed up bad, and i know it too, but i really am trying. just wait, give me a little more time. i'll show you, i will, i promise. i knew it too, and i kept pushing my limit/bending the rules. i did all of that, and what for? i guess i did the things i did looking for happiness? yet in the end i question all the things i've been doing and ask myself "was it really really worth it?". you know i don't regret any of it, but i'm not proud of any of it either. "what doesn't kill me makes me stronger" .. i know it will, but its a really fragile topic right now.

1st priority... clean up my act
then i'll find the real happiness i've been looking for

*exhale*


_____________________________________________
other than the babies drama...

-full day of school
-FINALLY DONE MY DUNNY PAINTING :D
-LOVING the sun.. it makes me happy
-sadly still sick
-chilled with serena
-took care of "casandra" our baby ;)
-played rockband
-ate
-tv
-ian came over
-bbt/food
-more rockband
-late night chill

missed you guys