Good b... See you later.

After having Kelvin over for the weekend it was yet that time again where we go our separate ways. Sunday mornings are becoming routine.

Wake up to my annoying alarm, realize that I don't want to get out of bed with him, press snooze, and press it another 5 times until I realize that I actually have to start getting ready. Shower, eat breakfast, he drops me to the train and we say "goodbye.." for now. I head down town to get to work by 11, and he heads back to the Okanagan. See you thanksgiving weekend!

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Today was my last sickstylz practice. I told marc I had to talk to him before practice. I brought him outside and let him know that I cannot/ won't be dancing this year with sickstylz. I was so relieved when he told me he wasn't mad. More understanding then anything actually. He let me know that I could stay for this last practice, which I wasn't expecting on doing. I went through the practice without breaking the news to everyone. I didn't really want it to be a big deal. Then people started to ask me questions that had to revile my unfortunate occurrence to a few others. But at the end of practice marc made it public and let everyone in on my deal. I was hoping he wouldn't because I'm insanely sensitive about parting with things I love. Or actually. Just sensitive with everything haha, but the things I love the most. So there it was out in the open, some surprised, some not so much. Everybody crowding around saying "awe cas" and being a big baby as I was of course I start to tear up. And then from behind me Gino picks me up and I'm covering my face full of tears now that I'm pretty much balling my eyes out. Then I hear "gibberish" start to play so of course they expect me to do it. I'm getting extremely shy but I made carmen do it with me! (Gino you sell out! Haha) Of course I'm all shy/nervous and not remembering my routine and mess up quite a bit. Then "haunting me" starts to play and donnel and I start doing our routine. Unfortunately they didn't have me and donnels mix of "hammer bros" so we didn't get to do that dance but everything else was overwhelming. I felt very loved I'm not going to lie. I love sickstylz, ill miss you guys. But this is not "goodbye" this is just a "see you later" type situation. Ahh eff me I hate to go, but its for the best this year. At least I hope so =P

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I never did like "goodbyes"

Leaving that one place was the hardest thing to do.

Why?

Because I basically grew up with those people. Those people were family to me. Took care of me when I was in need, helped me through blood-family hardships, and kept me focused and always pushed me harder to be better at what I was good at. I absolutely loved the people there. And deep deep down inside I still do. They're my past. But now it like they will only be my past. As much as it was hard for me to leave, it now seems as if its just as hard.. No its even harder to go back. Or at least to look back. Reminiscing about that place is now on a boat that floats on its own. I think about my past with them constantly. And thru an anonymous source I've heard they reminisce about those times as well. But there is just no way of us being able to reminisce together.

How do I even begin to get back to that? Or at least make peace with that? Right now I have no clue, but I am working on it. I really am. But the longer I wait to actually go thru with this the harder and tenser it gets.

Once day things will be okay. And okay is good enough for me.

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Speaking of which, "gibberish" just started playing on my ipod. Hahaha

*sigh :(

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Fyi: if this blog is poorly written, maybe more than usual, its because I'm insanely tired.

Running on 6 hours of sleep + my day of work, dance, and busing adds up and turns my energy to a minimal working speed to function.

Does that even make sense? Haha fck it. Goodnight.

Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network