Graduation

Its a celebration btchs!

I don't know if I'm actually excited for this. Actually no I'm not. Right now grad to me is just another piece of high school closure. Maybe once my dress is ready and I try it on I'll be picturing how I'll look, no how we'll look : ) and how the night we'll go.

I still can't really take hold of the fact that I'm not going back to high school next year. This is it. And I know times going to fly by. Before I know it I'll be in school again, just not high school. Its may already, and I have no idea where the past couple months went. They really did sweep by quite fast. I guess its the schedule that creates this quick illusion. I love it when I have nothing to do after school.

A day like today. Knowing I had no work I stayed after school 'cause nobody was using the studio. With nobody else around its easier to freestyle. Blast the music as loud as I want, all this free space and "room for activities" haha. And I could just be there as long as I want. But I got tired after an hour. Felt the need to go home and rest since I haven't been able to do that stuff at night. Late nights and early mornings = naps during the day.

So that is exactly what I did. I love having time for myself. I don't get days like this very often. Lately its been school, dance, work, sleep, school dance comp, party, sleep, work, dance, sleep etc etc. So when I have time to sleep, sleep, clean, eat, draw, sleep I am very grateful :)

Yeah, a smile. I do that sometimes. You know when the world isn't on my back crushing not only my little body but my content-ish soul. To simplify it I just mean when I'm under pressure and stressed out. The stress that's been coming over me lately is from what people think and talk about. I'm not afraid to admit that I care what people think about me. Who doesn't? I mean its not like we let it take over our lives, but I mean we all do care what people think of us. Especially when people talk about something really personal about you, and you find out its been cycling around, but nobody really says something, until your one friend who's real with you simply asks about it and talks to you. Real talk. It hurts to know you put your trust in someone's words. But I guess I'm disappointed in myself for trusting anyone's word. We all know secrets get out. I wish I kept this one to myself.

There it is again. I can feel it. My soul being crushed and at the same time slowly sinking lower and lower. So fcking ashamed, and so sorry.

I usually can take care of myself and deal with what ever sht I got going on. But I think I need help this time.

Say where's the love?

Killing me softly.
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