ATM: time
So turn to this
Head on
And keep on
Keeping on
I'll need heart and I'll need courage
We all need time
So let's make time... work for us
Let's make time work for us
Let's make time work for us
Let's make time work for us
Let's take our precious time about it
Let's take our precious time about it
Let's take our precious time about it
Let's take our precious time about it
Don't you know, well god only knows.
Is there somebody waiting?
So you'll hold yourself up and you'll hold yourself in
And then pray that you are growing
And turn this,
Darkness
Into light, and I'll turn too bright
Forget all the hype "
-The Maccabees
PRECIOUS TIME
Great song
Last night was needed. & because of last night today is better.
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If I had a macbook..
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lyrics & meanings behind them
"There's a war inside of me
Do I cause new heartbreak to write a new broken song
Do I push it down or let it run me right into the ground... And you haven't called me in weeks and honestly it's bringing me down"
- Tegan & Sara
YOU WOULDN'T LIKE ME
*So Jealous
"Sometimes sitting in the dark wishing you were here
turns me crazy,
but it's you who makes me lose my head."
- Adele
CRAZY FOR YOU
*19
"But first you took me around introduced me to your family&friends
And told them how once we met that we would never lose"
- Solange Knowles
I DECIDED
*I DECIDED
"I'm a mess right now
Out of order
I'm torn up, I'm goin down
Won't you hold me together I'm porin out
I need you that's how I fee...
Cause I been needin you lately"
- Keri Hilson
WHERE DID HE GO
*In A Perfect World
"So glad I found you babe
So thankful for your ways
Its such a blessing
To love and be loved in return
I tried to keep myself from you
But now I finally see the truth
Can't nobody love me like you do"
- The Foreign Exchange
WANNA KNOW
*Leave It All Behind
"Sensitive, its true
Alligator tears cried over you"
- Tegan & Sara
ALLIGATOR
*Satinthood
More coming soon....
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Its getting harder..
The loves there, we both know it. You keep reminding me it is. Talking to you on msn for 5mins is a huge tease. I don't know if it is for you, but it is for me.
.. I love you too, you know I do.
Stop saying sorry. We're both busy, we knew this would be. Like I said before, we're going to have nights where we have nothing to say, or night where we have too much to say, or times where we just won't have a chance to talk to each other. Understood, so yes I appreciate the apology but one "sorry" is enough. Its not your fault that it's like this.
I miss you a lot. When you come back we'll have a lot to talk about. Or at least we should.
See you soon... Enough.
: (
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100%
I think that if I had less things going on in my life I'd be better at them.
If I were to just be..
*working @ Big Ridge then I
-would offer more hours to put in
-cover more shifts others can't
-study the menu so I can get my foods card
*working @ Aritzia I
-would work full time
-get to know my PK
-(which would probably) bring up my SPH
-buy more clothes :)
*going to school I
-would spend a LOT more time on projects/homework
-draw A LOT more
-fill in some empty canvases
-would be taking full time course loads
-would be broke
*dancing I
-would still be in Sickstylz
-would still be teaching downtown
-would keep teaching Sullivan's Senior team & the boys team (but A.T.M. I'm just doing seniors)
-would be broke haha!
*performing in the olympics I
-wouldn't have to bother tweaking my life's schedule.
I wish I could give a full 100% to all of these things here but my body cannot handle it. Lately I haven't been sleeping much (min.2-max5hrs of sleep a night), eating properly (I only have one proper meal each day which is at night), & keeping my room clean. That's kind of a big thing for me. I live in my room, so if my room is messy, my life is messy. I feel so unorganized & lazy when its not clean & I don't like the feeling. But I don't always have the time.
2-3 days a week @ Big Ridge
3 days a week @ Aritzia
3 days a week @ School
1 day a week @ Sullivan (teaching)
1 day a week @ Olympic rehearsals
As much as I LOVE being busy I would like more self time for sleep & eating!
Oh gezzz.
I think I like testing my limits. I do that with a lot of things in my life. Push till I can't push no further. Its almost like I like to suffer. I get some sort of kick out of it that I don't even realize when I'm actually doing it.
100% a busy bee
Goodnight
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*delete delete delete*
as much as we'd like to leave it behind we never really do forget. We delete, we throw away, we keep thoughts in our heads & out of our mouths, we go on like we should and we "forget."
Some say it takes 3 years, some say 1. How do you really know? How do I know its forsure or if i'm just remembering.
I think I want to be f.. f... well you know, the "F" word. I want to still be able to talk to/ see her. I really miss her. Miss watching her grow day to day. Its not going to happen, but maybe we'll bump into each other. But I probably wont be remembered. I'll be a stranger in those eyes, while these eyes would have tears, (knowing how sensitive I get in sittuations like that)all because I got to see the start of something beautiful from day one. From the first time her eyes opened to the world, to the days where her pretty eyes couldn't stop holding back tears to her beautiful eyes seeing one candle on her very first cake. Then it all faded.
I hear she's got down sentences. & the last time I heard her speak all that would come out was "Dora"
Maybe, one day we'll have another encounter.
*delete delete delete*
rephrase: We'll have another encounter. Someday...
the "F" word = Friends
It hasn't crossed my mind in a while. Yet it still hits me pretty hard in the heart, but I can still go on.
Yeah, I can.
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"& she respond YES-S-S-I-R"
Taking shots with the older cousins. They finally see I'm not so "little" any more. Ha, fun.
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4am:Jordan
Sketches at 4 in the am. Can you find his name?
Amateur Artisan aka me
Yup
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A miracle!
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*ring ring*
"Tony Edwards"
Hesitant to pick up. Wasn't sure if I wanted to talk to you.
Let it ring a couple more times. Pressed the green phone and heard her voice on the other side of the line. Wasn't expected, but wasn't surprised.
We had a 10 min conversation. Your two favorite girls worry about you. We want only good for you. But no more mrs. & ms. easy. Please understand why.
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Empty canvas
Just the beginning, its like "where do I start?"
So many options I can't choose.
____________
"If you give a man enough rope, he will hang himself" -b&w
Yesterday I fell asleep to some black & white movie. When I see b&w movies on I like to watch them. Actors back then were very different then how actors are now. I liked it then, they seem very passionate. Maybe its the perfect lighting which gives off this flawless look, or maybe its the complementary shades of just b&w. Either way it works marvelously. It might even be in the way they talk. Almost like the Gilmore girls how they talk super fast. But when it comes to a really emotional part they slow down and pause, as if they start reminiscing in the middle of their sentence as they look far off into space. And then they end their sentence quickly looking down and then take in a deep breath. Its pretty predictable but I still love it.
Hmm so yep I was rambling there. I just wanted to point out this one quote I remember from this movie. It was a mexican police man talking to this man from america who was a detective trying to catch the guy who murdered his friend. The policeman said...
"If you give a man enough rope, he will hang himself"
I see this being true in other ways rather then just criminals who break laws. But I don't want to think out loud about this one. Ill let you ( who ever you are/ who ever reads this/ if anyone reads this haha..) think about it.
I'll give you the canvas, let you spill the paint this time.
g...
Mm, Night.
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5senses
I see the sight of something so pleasing. Having the vision to see you there in front my eyes and beside my body. It gives me security knowing you're here with me, especially after not seeing you for just about a month. Physically being able to see you makes my heart smile.
Your lips move as you express your thoughts. My ears give me the ability to hear your soft voice go on about your day, your emotions, your minds great work. I hear you, and my mind creates movies out of the stories you tell me. I picture your world in my head because I am able to. Because you are able to speak to me & I can hear you. The sound of your voice touches my mind and makes it use its creative ability.
We get closer and closer until our bodies meet and we are now touching. Feeling the warmth coming off your bodies skin and onto my cold hands. Our bodies intertwine as if our bodies were made to be put in these positions. This puzzle, that we are, works like ying & yang. I feel your soft skin, voluminous hair, & luscious lips against mine. We lay together, holding each other now being mesmerized into a beautiful love aura. Where everything is nothing, and he is now everything and the only thing.
What could make this more real besides smelling the sent of your body. The essence that can only be purified by you. This aroma livens the moment and will forever be memorized.
We kiss and the sensation of your lips against mine leaves me breathless. The taste of your breath refreshes the flavors already tainted in my mind.
Loving you, loving me.
_______________________
I wish I could look in your eyes
And tell you how i feel
Right now inside
Baby i know that it's real
So real so real, so real
How i wish i could be with you
How i wish i wish i wish i could be with you right now
Every morning, every afternoon, every night
I wanna be with you
It don't matter if we go to the park or watch a play
Stay in the hotel room all day
I just wanna be with you
I love everything about you
From your old school tennis shoes
To the way you move when you're dancing with me
Do you remember our first kiss
It wasn't long enough
Remember the first time
We spent those weeks together
They were not long enough
All of our conversations
All of your sweet pages
They're never long enough
When it's time for me to leave
It's so hard to say good-bye
I never want to say good-bye
I never ever want to say good-bye
One day we'll make love
Finally i'll be yours
Only you only you
I could love you
It's too late
I already love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
______________
5 months & 5 senses
Love you baby.
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SMILE
I woke up super duper early by accident. My alarm was set for 9:30am. Enough time to eat, shower, look perrty, and put on some clothes. But I woke up at 8am. So I had so much extra time to do activities! Just kidding, but I did put on make up. Yeah make up like eye liner and a touch of eye shadow!! Made myself look all perrty for the camera, which at the time I wasn't trying to jinx but hoping for the best. Before I left I was still all nervous cause I had so much time to just wait. Starting talking to suboi and what a great conversation we had. He made me RE-realize what a sweet bf I have. I do miss him dearly. I feel like we hardly talk because by the time my phone rings and our conversation starts I'm already more than half asleep :(. I can't wait for this weekend though. But back to subject, yes so suboi did start off my 1st SMILE which lasted for quite a while and helped me relieve my nerves a bit.
Driving instructor came, drove for 45mins and headed to ICBC. Got in the car, and started my test. Yup I was nervous but then he was cool, and nice. Everything went smooth, and I passed! So there it goes again the 2nd SMILE of the day.
Got home and headed right back out. The day before I got a call from my old manager at aritzia. Asking me if I want to work again for seasonal or something. So I said sure and we were supposed to meet and talk about my schedule. I got there, we started talking and then I realized she wanted me to work as an actual sales associate, part-time and all that. I was kind of stunned but I said sure why not (there goes that SMILE again, but a confused one this time. Still a smile though). So yes I'm back at aritzia again, but still at the restaurant, and teaching, and school. Man I'm going to be busy. But I would like to save a lot more now. My big future plans can't happen w/out steps to make it work.
Hello car, hello moving out. (In about a year and a half or so.)
Lastly, HBD MEEKS!
Cool, project&study time now.
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Life's great when I don't procrastinate.
Ha! I should be a rapper.
So I've been busy doing all my laundry, homework, and cleaning my room all at once. I don't even think I turned on the TV once today. I'm still not done my project for school but I still have tmr to do it. Mid-terms this week & next. So I've been studying my ish.. Though its not very hard, I'm not going to lie. I just need to keep expanding my vocabulary.
Work was pretty fun/funny. I was expediting today, and I'm very glad the head chefs are friendly w/ me. Every time they screw up on a bill the extra food gets to be picked at by me first :) haha its great. Free food is always better. I didn't work very long but because there was a game tonight, and it was wing night, so we had quite a bit of people and tips we're good. I'm not broke!
Actually I got a letter in the mail today from the Ministry of Finance. I got the money for my scholarship! Well half of it so far. $500 in the bank feels nice. But its going into my savings. I don't want to touch it right now. Just when thought I was going broke, something like this happens. Fates a mystery!
Alright, more homework/ studying to get done.
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WHA?!
"You might believe that you are on a mission today and nothing will stand in your way. However, you could be the biggest obstacle in your path now by doubting a previous decision. There's nothing wrong with digging deeper to find the truth, but questioning your own integrity is a waste of energy. You might not be able to quiet your fears, but you don't have to give them power over your feelings."
HOW DID MY HOROSCOPE KNOW?!
WHA?!
Bag lady
"Bag lady you gone hurt your back
Dragging all them bags like that
I guess nobody ever told you
All you must hold on to
Is you, is you, is you
One day all them bags gone get in your way"
I thought I threw them old bags away. Guess not.
When I said "My turn" I meant its time for me to soften the truth. Truth is I don't want to loose you. No wait I'm still softening it..
Hard truth is (yes I'll admit) I need you. You keep me sane. And when I mean sane I mean you balance me. You keep me happy. You constantly pull sht out of your sleeve like a magician and surprise me with something new. And there I am, like a little kid, loving the entertainment.
You told me the truth, and I trust you.
But I quote..
He: "Truth brings closure"
She: "Not always"
(CSI/Grissom)
I should not let past experiences (these old bags) get in the way.
I know I know I know, you still my love.
I'm girl you talk to every night.
I'll keep that in mind.
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