"That's that heat"

Wow surrey parties..

Never really crashed any like that before. Pretty funny.

Could you not see what was going on? Haha silly boy. Maybe next time then =P

Good night.
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TAEYANG

Can dance
Can sing
Can act
Has an amazing body
Has style
Has a beautiful face

& is the new lust of my life <3









domenow.


i can't recall anyone i wanted so bad. hes the kinda guy that makes you bite you lip while you try and smirk, and makes your heart start pumping just cause he has that effect on you. you know when you try to cover your face with one hand cause you can't look no more, yet you still leave space between your fingers to peek through cause you know it looks good. Yup, thats the effect taeyang has got on me.

Life drawing

I actually like drawing naked people. If you let me, I'll draw you naked too. I swear I'm getting better at it the more I do it. Great class.
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I like the way you dream about us hanging out.

__

Speaking of dreams... Last nights was, strange. But I liked it haha.
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Jan27

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TY: Number Sixteen

Haha wow this is a great picture. I want to say summer of 2004. Harrison Hot Springs, family picnic, sun castles, & kites. Let's see, Jamie must have been gr8 (Junior High aka Middle school), I was in gr7 (grading elementary), Brian in gr6 (Jr. High as well), & Dylan in gr6 but elementary. Now Jamie's in her 2nd year at UVIC, I'm on my 1st year @ AIV, Brian & Dylan on their last year of High School. A lot changes in a few years. I love my cousins. Blood is definitely thicker than water.

Need more time for family. Family cannot be replaced.

_____________
I got your email. I knew it was from you cause my phone started flashing red&blue. Every time I read what you have to say I choke up. My throat literally starts swelling up, and when I try to reply the same thing happens and even worse my eyes feel the need to start tearing up. Nothing comes down though. Its like I'm allergic to this tension between us. There are some sorts of tension between people I like, can handle, or can't stand. This one is between "can handle" & "can't stand". When will it end?

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I should be sleeping

That's me. Laying in bed when I should be sleeping. But I can't. So here I am, somewhat looking up at the ceiling. I Forgot about the pressures of having a busy life. The pressure on the eyes. So much pressure this liquid seems to be coming out of them. I'm not used to this. What is it?

Oh right.. I used to do a lot of this in 2009. I almost forgot what this was. I'm remembering now. This is a horrible feeling.

Wish I was with you right now. I'd let you listen to my heart beat again. This time I'd be the opposite from what you were hearing the 1st time. Its slow. Somewhat calm. But if I were with you, you'd know exactly how to speed it right back up again. I still have your sweater. Does your room still smell like me?

____
Cas go to sleep.

Run away.

Delete your whole blog.

Start a new one.

Go to sleep.
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Highlight: Eye Contact

11:30am
On the floor busting tables, expediting, and running food. Keeping a steady pace with the flow of hungry customers coming in. I walk around my usual circular path, and pass table 23. A table of 5 discussing some sort of business matter. Two ladies, three fellas. Closest to the end, caucasian, buff, bald, beautiful smile, brown eyes catches my eye. Grabbing plates off the table forcing my head to not look towards his direction, especially since he's so close. As I turn away from the table he gives off this handsome smirk while his eyes are seeing right thru my hollow eyes. I'm guessing he, and the rest of his table are around 24. The older ones always intimidate me. But playing tag with the eyes is always a fun game to play. I thought it would just be me trying to catch a peek, but he decided to play with me. I go ahead doing what I got to do as if he doesn't phase me. But he kept looking over as just much as I wanted to. I'd be cleaning tables behind his, and he'd look back, and give a quick grin. One of those grins where you have to turn your head in the opposite direction just because you can't hold back your smile any longer. But I held ground, and did the same as he did. When I'd be cleaning a table towards the front of his direction I'd steal a peek, and he'd catch me and smile right back. Each and every time he smiled it was an automatic reaction for me to smile without even thinking. We kept playing tag the whole 2 hours and a bit he was there. It was when he stood up to head to the washroom and passed by me and smiled with his perfect teeth that I was so sprung I must admit. He was just so good looking, and the fact that he even played back just made it that much more great. Also knowing that its going to be one of those one time interactions just made it so.. Fun! Haha

Maybe he'll eat at the restaurant once again possibly when I'm working. I'm always up for some eye contact tag. Especially with someone who is so easy on the eyes. Oh gawd, thank goodness I'm able to work during lunch time on week days. I missed it.

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TY: Number Fifteen

Check
Check
Check
& Check

Just recently my mind has been chewing on the idea of me missing out on that lovey dovey relationship stuff. But after last nights conversation with Shay about my life since NYE 2010 it reminded me how much fun I've been having. Over doses of this thing we call "fun" got me brain dead for a minute thinking that I needed more, or wish I had that one more thing. But I'm 'sober' now and my thoughts are back to thinking straight.

This "over dose" was also the reason why I didn't see you this weekend. I should have brought you, like I said I would. I'm sorry. I guess I got shy to bring you around so sudden. We prolly would have had quite a bit of fun, just like the last time. But there will be other nights. If you're still up for it. I won't sell out next time. Again, sorry.

"Deep kisses" that make my heart pound faster.. And make yours louder

"Strange adventures" every night

"Midnight swims" outdoor in a heated pool (oh gawd I want to go back to this)

"Rambling conversations" with you keep me up @ night
____________

Jamie you the best!

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TY: Number Fourteen

So this one kind of crosses out my last entry. Or at least what I said at the end of it.

I pulled out the top one at first. Reading a line from a tegan&sara song called "i know i know i know." Didn't think it had any relation to do with anything in my life right now. So i pulled out a 2nd one out at random. Another quote from an old entry in my blog.

"After falling asleep w/you i woke up at 445 only to see my bed empty. I missed you by 45mins. For the rest of the night i had an uncomfortable sleep. I got to undo getting used to you here with me till 4 in the am. No more loving late nights after the 11th and after T.O."

Again, nothing to do with anything in my life right now.. nor anything that i can think of. I'm not sure what kind of 'sign' this may be. Or may not be. Lets lay out the possibilities...

Those were the days when you and i were still together, happy as ever, lovin' early mornings/days/nights, and free as a bee. But now my life is ALMOST total opposite. You and i, well there is no you and i, still happy as ever, either busy &/or exciting mornings/days/nights, and busy as a bee. Hmm, am i supposed to see the contrast? Is this showing me i don't need someone else to keep me happy? Or is this just exactly what it is.. random and over thought?

PROBABLY the last one. These quotes are all supposed to mean something to me, and they do. These ones mean a lot to me. Though they are not what i have now, i can look back and say that i did have something special once. But that something special will forever be that something that WAS special. Its history now, and neat to look back at, right? Sure. I'll just go with that haha.

THANKS JAJA!

____________________________

WHAT A DAY!

i worked
THEN i got ready
Picked up Johnny
Started to drive to the battle
Got some MCDS
LOST ON THE HYW
WENT TO CRESENT BEACH?!
ALMOST TO THE BORDER FOR SEATTLE?!?!
Found our way back
Got to the battle
2TIES <- AWESOME BATTLES DROVE BACK TO SURREY GOT LOST AGAIN?!
Found our way back
Drove Johnny home
Headed to Kings
Watched WaterBoy (HA)
Got Stuck in the ELEVATOR w/KARL&LAWRENCE
Drove 'em home
Game Over

NUTZ!

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TY: Number Thirteen

Sorry ma, but you got this one wrong. I might be the one who moves out the youngest, but not first. Me and the siblings are moving to our very own place in less than a week. I'm not sure how I feel about this yet. Only cause transportation isn't going to be the best. At least when I'm living here at my dad I get to take the car. Once we roll in the new place transit will be my next "bestfriend" .. Again.

_____
Crazy how I pull these quotes out at random and they always end up having to do with something that's going on in my life at the moment. Just Craziness.

Ty:JamieJane
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TY: Number Twelve

Aren't we all on our way to death? So what does "get busy dying" even mean? Maybe its sarcasm. Since we are already dying then getting busy to die is like you're not doing anything at all. So if you're not busy doing anything else with you're life, then you're probably "busy" dying. Ha!

Guess I'm not dying anytime soon. (Knock on wood)
___________________

1. I like that we have no mutual friends.

2. I like that I don't know your name. (Yet)

3. I like it when you talk to me first.

4. I like that you get embarrassed easily in front of me.

5. I like how we hardly know each other, but act like we do.

6. I like our history.

7. I like your drunk msgs. Its funny.

I like that I don't love anything between me & them besides just being friends.

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TY: Number Eleven

As much as I could say I love and appreciate Art, my real passion is still set on dancing. It may not be my career or even my hobby at the moment, but it will always be apart of me. No matter how distant I am from it.
Like I put on my twitter bio: "Dancing is what I love doing. It's my passion, and that's not going to change. As long as there will be music, I will be dancing." Every word I said I meant & is true.

Ever since, well ever since I always wanted to be an Artist. I absolutely was addicted to drawing and painting. Most especially when I got my first and very own double sided Playskool painting/drawing/chalkboard/whiteboard easel. Oh man was it ever the best. We had it set up in our garage because my mom didn't want me spilling paint on the carpet. I got this for christmas and I remember going downstairs at 8am during the christmas break every morning just to paint, and I wouldn't even feel the cold. It had 2 sides but on each side I was able to flip the board around depending on what I wanted to do.

But I believe the moment I realized I wanted to be a painter was this one odd day when I was drawing. It was a weekend afternoon, and I was sitting on the stairs with my pencil, pencil crayons, markers, and a pad of paper. At the time I had a phase of drawing hills because it was my way of creating depth with foreground layers. So things actually looked far but on 2D paper. I was drawing a bunch of hills, and birds, flowers, and small houses, with a bit of clouds up above and one sun. I colored it in and showed one of my family members that was passing by to go down the stairs. It was my dad and he said to me "did you draw that? No, you didn't draw that" and I told him it was me I swear, he could even ask my sister. That's when I thought that maybe I can draw pretty good. If he thought it was too "good" to be drawn by me then maybe I could get even better if I tried. I loved the compliment. It soaked in and gave me this extra boost to believe in myself and love what I love doing.

To be continued...
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Jan1910

"You can trust others. Just be discerning about who you trust. Figure this out and you'll be unstoppable."

-24hrs

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TY: Number Ten

Maybe it is easier for girls to think this way, but I believe that guys think this way too. Actually I know this from experience. Never knew I still had text msgs from you till I saw an unknown number in my saved messages. You predicted the future so quickly with how you felt at the time. You were so sure about what you wanted and how you wanted things to be. Then what, 4 months later you can't take a minute to say what's up to me. I was once an easy open hearted person too. As of right now, I don't see nor want to plan anything the future may hold for me and a significant other. I'll let it all be a surprise. I love surprises anyways, its better that way. Its fun.
_____

Good day with Karl. Avatar was fantastic. The hype was worth it, & I would definitely go back to the theaters to watch it again.

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I like it when you call me "hun"
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TY: Number Nine

"'You're listening now, aren't you? It's so bright here, and your side is so DARK that I can't see you. Please don't be where I can't see you! Come to where I can see you. I give you permission to let me see you.' - Taekyung, You're Beautiful"

First I would like to thank you Jamie for again creating this whole gift, and second I would like to thank the person who submitted this quote. If I may, Jamie can I know who this is from so I can thank them personally? Please & thank you.

Maybe I don't want you to see me.. All of me. Not yet at least.

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TY: Number Eight

Ever since we we're born we've always been wanting. Wanting more, wanting something better. It's something that's just programmed in us. As humans we're automatically in the search of something better, new, "iller".

When we're babies we play with toys, but we want more toys, or someone else's toys, or even bigger toys. We can never have enough. Slowly we grow older and want different things. Shoes, more shoes, nicer shoes, expensive shoes. A boy friend, a nicer boyfriend, more/different boyfriends (Haha just an example). The more we change or grow, our lists of things we want change. It is not only until we're old enough or wise enough to prevent this bad habit of wanting the better things in life. Some people become less picky, and accept what they have and don't have. I believe this change happens mostly by experiences. Experiences of either being/seeing the less fortunate in anyway. Realization occurs and we change our mind set to be less greedy with what the world has put before us.

But don't think that wanting to have more fun, or wanting to spend a little more to look nice, or wanting to be out a little later is a bad thing. We're born with the want to look for more, expect something to happen, and hope for another better ending.

"If you woke up, and you had the greatest day of your life, why would you need to live anymore? You know there's always something better, something iller. That's why we keep going." - Tommy Rebel

________________________
Currently listening to: Usher - I love you too (new)**

I went to a bumpin' party last weekend. Had the greatest time of my life, sober & innocent. One beer & flirtatious conversations, that's it. 3 different djs spinning oldschool & newschool tracks, everybody dancing shoulder to shoulder, chips & snacks on the table and somewhat all over the floor, flash photography capturing the highlights of the night, good times with old friends, & fresh memories for brand new friendships. It was just a great night. All the fun & here I am. One weekend later another party. Its that "there's always something better, something iller" feeling again. & also just being there for the celebrants special day.

____
Its more understood when you're at a party of 20+ and there is potential tension between certain people that you won't end up getting around to on any communication levels. Conversation, simple actions (like a wave), or eye contact are all completely avoided. But when its less than that then the percentage of tension about to be created becomes a lot bigger. More so when the avoiding just becomes ignoring or even when someone's presence is completely unacknowledged. Its like when you're picked last in a game of dodge ball but without being picked at all. You're standing there, everyone else has been chosen already, you're left for last pick , but instead of even being chosen the game is already starting. I understand that our communication levels are next to nothing, but that doesn't mean we can't still be on the same team. But if its really that bad then just say so, so I don't make a fool out of myself by accidentally saying "hi" or something even worse like "bye".

Craziness. You got your family, relatives, friends, co-workers, acquaintances, & others. That's why there's always that extra option tab that says "Others".. I didn't understand before. But I get now.

Ty Jamie Jane
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TY: Number 7

I used to be so sad inside. Put on a face for others because I didn't want to bring anyone else down. I'm glad I'm past all that now. Nothing to hide, no emotions to hold back, just content & display a smile when I'm feeling happy. Been trying to find happiness this whole time & all I had to do was just be comfortable being me.

TY Jamie for reminding me.
_____________________________
Currently listening to:
Q-Tip ft. Norah Jones- Life is Better

Achoooo*
Sniff sniff*
Cough cough cough*

illin' & not liking it.

Seriously what's this bump on my arm?! I thought it was a bruise! I hope I'm not dying. I'd be ready to go though. Yeah, I'm ready.

I'm praying for you & you & you.

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TY: Number Six

Mmm this one reminds me of one of my older posts.. The one about how much ish I have on my plate that I want to give my 100% in but its hard. Like Plato says

"Each man is capable of doing one thing well. If he attempts several, he will fail to achieve distinction in any"

Another reason why I should and will be quitting _________.

Atm I'm doing..
Pt @ aritzia
Pt @ bigridge
Ft @ AI
1ce a week practices for 2010

CRAZINESS!
________________________________

I wish I could give you two everything you deserve. I'm going to as best I can to help out and keep focused on school. I know I don't ever say this.. Literally, but I love you.

Thank you for giving me this opportunity.

Thank you for keeping me company, hope this isn't too weird.

Thank you for getting to know me and being consistent distantly.

Thank you for doing all you can for me, I love you.

Thank you for trying, I still love you even though its hard to see you right now. Stay sane.

Thank you for being REDICULOUSLY amazing & awesome & incredible haha I fcking love you and how our 2010 started :P

Thank YOU for inspiring me with every blog. Love you too :)

Thank you for being you, & knowing who you are, LOVE YOU THE MOST!

________________
I know I know I know, I said that LOVE wasn't in my vocab no more, but I ment that in a "I LOVE YOU (boys name)" kinda way. Sorry, not in Love with no boys right now. Only love for the special people in my life. You know who you is.
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TY: Number 5

I get these really strong feelings at times. More so when I'm trying to read something. Like a persons feelings. There will be times where I could be talking to someone with someone and I have a strong feeling.. Like I can read if they're lying, or hiding something. Or even when a person wants to do something and this feeling comes around and I just know its going to end up really bad or sometimes really good.

These feelings come & go. Almost every time I get these feelings I'm right.

"Seldom wrong, But never in doubt"

When we were talking this feeling came to me. I knew that this isn't going to go anywhere crazy. As much as you might have wanted it to, or I would have liked it to, I knew that as much as we would even talk about it, we'd stay the way we are. I like where we are. You seem like you do too, but you want more.. Well you do, but don't. You know its not possible. WE know its not possible. One day? Maybe, but for right now it seems like we know our grounds. I don't doubt that what we "have" is just an everyday & anyday thing. We have something special, with a deep history that we can some-what look back & laugh at. As much as it makes us distant it also connects us that much more. Let's just keep rockin' steady since we know where we stand. Fun right? Fun, yeah "queso"... :P

__________________________________
Currently listening to:

Usually I'm the lovey dovey type, call me erry night so I can fall asleep on the phone type, butterflies in my tummy type, heart pumpin' cause you smiled type, oh man this boys got me sprung type, he's all I think about type, let love take over type, relationships are amazing type girl.

But lately I've been the he's cute he's cute oh and he's cute type, I talked to him and chilled with him type, btw I'm not looking to get into anything type, hella flirtatious type, party & bullsh*t type, dress to impress type, my love bone is numb type girl.

Truth be told that's what the story is. Love isn't even in my vocabulary anymore, unless I'm talking about dance or art. I feel a little heartless sometimes. I have my fun & my feelings for being loved or loving is turned off. Was it the calm break up? Is it the frustrating family dilemma? Is it the overdose of fun? What ever it is its making me stronger, and a little less heart full.. or just making me care less.

I'm becoming one of those people that can't give their all to just any John Doe that steps into my life. You gotta work for my emotions before I can let you in and start affecting my life. But the thing is, I don't want to let anyone in. I don't want to be attached. So I'll be upfront with anyone who wants to come in and "wants to get to know me." Boy, honestly all you need to know is that I'm not looking for anything, & I'm just having fun. And if want to get to know me, hang with me, give me friendship time, let me pay my own & we'll go our own ways at the end of the night.
I'm changing, and yep I'm admitting it. Hopefully this change isn't happening too fast for me to keep a good grasp and control.

**Thanks Jamie Jane.
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TY: Number Four

I usually get pretty annoyed when people cancel on plans. But today I let it happen without the frustration, understanding the situation that something had occurred. All day, actually all week I was looking forward to today. Unfortunately I had to spare my excitement for another day. At the time I wasn't thinking of that. Because I was all ready and already in the car I NEEDed an outlet. Another way of fulfilling this excitement. So much freedom and no where to go.

I've been following this care-free routine for sometime now, but slowly it has turned into this care-free NEED. I NEED to have fun, I NEED to be out, I NEED etc etc..

"When you let go of the need for any & all outcomes, life becomes a creative, magical adventure."
-Deepak Chopra

I forgot how to let go of what I THOUGHT I needed. What I needed was nothing, and that's what brought me to this excitement to begin with. When I just went with it, I found myself new adventures to face. Creatively I've been riding them, but I'm beginning to think that I NEED to be riding these adventures. So I'm doing what ever possible to keep them going. & that was my mistake. I shouldn't depend on these things I don't need. I pulled a few bad habits from 2009 back into 2010. But I'm pushing them back into the past, and using my new tools from 2010 to make sure that 2009 habits are staying in 2009.

Tonight was a close call to an adventure I almost took a journey on.. Again.

I want to keep my life a creative, magical adventure.

Dedicated to: Jamie-Jane

_________________________

I hope everything is okay. I'm a little worried.

//Can't believe you got me feeling this way.

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TY: Number Three

"AppleJuiceBackgroundMusicShorts&SunglassesUnredTextMsgsHeatfromtheSunCreamsicles
Selah"

This was my Summer/Fall 09' LIKEs List

Winter 2010 LIKEs List...

ChasePartyBeatsWintercoats&SnowBoardsUnreadBBMMsgsWarmthfromyourbodyChocolate
Selah

Dedicated to: Jamie-Jane

____________________________
Today's List:

Cold transportation
BBM messages
Out of date Ipod
Sudoku
Laying next to you
Strong Heartbeats
Studio time
Mc Chicken + S&S sauce
Bestfriends
New friends
Laughs
& Good times

I guess this is the part where I say Goodnight.

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TY: Number Two

Another night sitting in bed just before I go to sleep. That blue vase sits there beside me waiting for me to randomly pick out & unfold another piece of paper.

"Like all dreamers, I confuse disenchantment with truth."

- Jean-Paul Sartre

Lately I've been facing situations that only my fantasies would dream up. Hearing sweet things, smiling just because, eye contact, that newness feeling.. Its all something I would fantasize about, but never thought would actually come true. And here it is, right in front of my face, tapping me on the shoulder & waiting for me to keep things going. Is this another "too good to be true" kind of moments in life? Or is this equally good & bad enough to stick around in my life to keep me happy. I mean when its there its like I'm in a different world living another life, someone else's life who deserves this great feeling. And as soon as I'm away, I'm back in reality but still left with this great feeling. Do I deserve all of this? Is it the good karma coming to me after going to a lot of bad karma at the end of 2009? Or is it just a fresh start?

What ever it is, I'm loving it. I'm no longer confused with the truth & disenchantment. The truth is that I deserve happiness in my life, and I'm not afraid to admit it.

TY Jamie-Jane.

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TY: Number One

On christmas eve I was given a present by my amazing cousin Jamie-Jane. But I was given strict orders to open this gift on New Years Eve. I tried to follow the rules as best I could but I was getting excited. 1, because I've gotten a hint from a cousin, and 2 because I know its something she made.

A day before NYE I decide to open it because I was too excited and didn't want to forget to open it on NYE night.

A blue (my favorite colour) vase filled with 100+ folded pieces paper (like when you draw names from a hat). The mini hand made card reads:

"In this vase contains many thoughts inspirations and wisdom that I hope you take to heart. Many of the scribbles contain your own comments and ideas from your blog over the past year to show you how much you've grown mentally and spiritually. The only reason it is 1/4th full because you've only lived 1/4th of your life. I want you to fill this vase with love, respect, and joy you deserve for the rest of your life. A new year means a new life for you, a fresh start. Happy Holidays from your sistar, JamieJane."

No gift has EVER been so meaningful to me. I absolutely love this gift and will forever treasure it. I've already gone through each one once, but when ever I feel like a need a uplifting boost I'll open up one of these pieces of paper, think about how the meaning of this quote relates to me and blog about it.

Jamie-Jane you've put a lot of thought & effort in this & the least I could do is give the favor back by dedicating each of these blogs to you. So here is number one .. TY = Thank You

"Things can only get better from here. I promise"

I'm not sure who you got this one from, but their right. So far 2010 has only been good to me. The end of 2009 was a disaster, with work, school, family & friends.

Its 2010 and everything is in the past now.

Work: is steady with both jobs
School: is in the process of being worked out
Family: is low key atm
Friends: Met some new ppl...

I like meeting new people
"I would like to get to know you"
I could tell you my life in probably 5 sentences, but let's play it out nicely & start some new memories for this new friendship. Cause honestly, that's all I'm looking for. Don't think that this is going to go anywhere, no one can tell what the future holds, so let's not try to "predict" things.
_______

Thanks for chilling with me. I told you you could "take it all away" once I saw you. Stay sweet, not that you're going to become sour. But you know... "Just sayin'" ;)

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NYE2010

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