Just another day of summer

so if this is summer... why is it still raining? pretty soon elementary schools are going to have to change all those poster/card/pictures off the wall of which month has what weather. july will have a picture of rain, and so will december, and so will april. yup, kids will now know that it rains all year. what is the weather coming to? i hate you rain.

___________________________________________________________
sht keeps getting more confusing errday but i be breaking my temptation

haha who talks like that? not me but its the truth

____________________________________________________________

Musiq soulchild - Forthenight

She: Yeah thats cool, i understand what you're saying, but i just got out of a sittuation.
He: Word
She: And i ain't really trying to get into anything serious right now, but we could chill. You'na mean?
He: Well how about this...

Let's pretend for one night, I'm the man in your life
And we do the things that lovers do
All the loving u like I give it to you just right
Theres nothing less than special when it comes to you
See what we have is understanding
That works so well for how we are
Cause neither of us has the heart to fall in love all over again

Even though I'm not your man and I know you're not my girl
But let's just act like it's that way tonight
Now I know u got your friends and you know I got some too
But let's just act like you're my lady tonight

Now what I like about you
Is that you're always so cool and comfortable whenever I'm around
You're some one that I can talk too
No matter what I'm going through
I call on you cuz I know you'll always be down
See what we have is so incredible
That we'll never find in anyone else
This thing that we share is so unbelievable
That I want you all to myself

Even though I'm not your man and I know you're not my girl
But let's just act like it's that way tonight
Now I know you got your friends and you know I got some too
But let's just act like you're my lady tonight

This song has the perfect beat for this kind of feeling :)

"No one ever really dies"

I hope that's true. This was said more than 5 times tonight, and i kept thinking of how it would feel to be up there. You know, not really alive but still living. I actually hope that i get to go there before all the people i know do. I say this because I know it'd be so hard for me to say good-bye.
Just like it was tonight. I didn't even know it was supposed to happen today. I wish i did though so at least i would know what i was in for. It took the longest time for me to get up there and see him. Seeing other people cry make me cry. My weak spot is my emotions... i'm so sensitive. I'm glad that all the people around me are still healthy. And i'm glad that he is in a better place now. I'll be praying for you. I just hope that all the rest will carry on and get though this okay.

RIP Lolo Leonardo

You will be missed

I love you Joe Larot!

BEST PART > 00:48 - till the end

a trip before july

They say the 3rd times a charm. But it officially worked on the 4th. Haha i actually felt it. Right when the door opened, oh man, everything just started turning, my mouth was hella dry, and i was so happy. What a trip. After the 2nd time that night i was just so tired, and it was only like 11 or something. Kept bobbing my head back and fourth cause it felt like i was on a ship hitting the waves slowly and gently. But i kept my cool. Though i could barley open my eyes, so i just walked into the closest room, and just crashed. Can't believe i slept so early! Sorry i took the bed guys. Hope i didn't miss out too much. Oh man. What a funny trip.

I want to go back on vacation :)

______________________________________________________

i've been carrying around this weight for too long. i'm tired and hurt from the pain that i got by keeping myself from letting go. this weight has been dragging me down and i let it do so for to long. how did i not realise i should have let go a long time ago? It was worth it while it lasted but it actually only lasted until i became unhappy. This weight... just stays there, and doesn't bother with a thing, but i do so much just to keep it here with me, but if i left this weight behind it will not follow it'll just wait for someone else to take it. I guess its better if i leave it behind because i wouldn't have to hurt anymore, and i wont have to be such a bother, because i think this weight is better left to do its own thing. One less.

.

.

As I look at what I've done

The type of life that I've lived

How many things I pray the father will forgive

One situation involved a young man

He was the [city] and I was the sand

He stole my heart like a thief in the night

Dulled my senses blurred my sight

-Lauryn Hill

_________________________________________

i miss her, but can't see her.

ASSHOLES (summer crew)

shitty ass problems
fck shit.
screw this...



FUCKING LOVING SUMMER

tin&kylie... :) goodtimes
lets have a not sleep over again.

love you girls

THATS ALL WE NEED, YEP.


look what you guys did to me!
I'M CUSSING. oh no :(

you know what it is

MI FINE DE SEMMANISIMA

= my super weekend

this would have to be the best weekend so far.

thurs19-sun22

POINTFORM

thurs.
-*went to school/worked on doc.
-headed to gford
-*chilled with the boys
-wendys
-court
-*sickstylz! :)
-mcds
-homefree
fri.
-headed to jh
-chilled with the girls (imt)
-shopped for na's grad .ish
-swimming @ kitts
-ians palce
-*yellowreebokclasics;thanks (sere)na
sat.
-*did na' hair @ 5:30 in the am!
-*dragon boat fest. - face painted
-tired as hell!
-stayed home for the rest of the day
sun.
-Jolin's BDAY!
-chilled w/jerome before shift
-*dragon boat fest. - more face&body painting
-*visited by: serena&ian, miko&karl
-headed to ginos
-*bbq w/SICKSTYLZSYMPHONY
-homefree


* = ELABORATE

[thurs]
jel, our doc. is looking so sick. i'm proud of us :)
i never heard so much trivia on comiscs before. So much about MARVEL i never knew.
man you don't even understand how much i miss dancing. this skinny a** mirror in my room isn't enough

[fri]
okay, so it was me & serenas first time going into valuevillage, though i've been wanting to go for some time now, just not alone. we look around and i find this really goodlooking purse for 8bucks, hella cheep, and hella gorgeous! was planning to get it until serena and i check out all the funky shoes they got up on the racks. and what do you know, serena finds a pair of bright yellow shoes in the kids section, just as we were about to make fun of how bright it was, we realise they are high-top reebok classics. & what do you know, THEY WE'RE A PERFECT FIT! we practically jacked the shoes cause theywere only $6.99! thank you serena for finding and buying me last years birthday present. haha i love you bestfriend! (as if we don't say that enough, right?) HAHA!

BESTESES

[sat]
man for one practice on friday night, we did a pretty good job on picking the hairstyle. honestly its was a little fluke on how good i made you're hair look, especially considering we did it at 6 in the am. when do we ever sleep early, and wake up early? NEVER! i guess that was another 1st for us. anyways you looked gorgeous!
oh my gosh, little kids are SO CUTE. i met so many interesting kids from facepainting. some had the highest voices in the world, with the biggest eyes, and the strangest questions and the cutest remarks. it was funner than i expected.

[sun]
like i said before, so many interesting people. only the people from sanfran asked for big body paintings. one guy asked for a butterfly on his back, haha it turned out nicer than i thought :) yay me. i'm pretty sure he liked it, he said he would even have that as a tattoo, haha! another said he wanted a dragon! oh my gosh, i have no clue how to draw a dragon rather than paint one. but i still made an attempt. wasn't bad, again turned out better than i thought haha. yay for me.

to the people to made it out to visit, thanks :) haha it honestly made it so much better. last hour of my shift was the best! i painted snoopy&woodstock on mikos abdomen, painted a lizard on karls forearm (i think) and put tats on all of us. haha gts.

maaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn, sickstylz bbq was so dope, but we were missing SO many people! that was a seriously long ass play-list with the craziest beats! sessioning like thaat.. i felt like i fell in love all over again! you feel so free, and so right when you hit thoughs beats. HAHA GINO our new move, we're so going to battle one day ! SERIOUSLY! mann, oh mann, oh mann! can't wait for friday ! WOO OPEN STUDIO!!!



What made my whole weekend was the sun peaking through more often than it has in the past few weeks.


I LOVE YOU SUN, please stay all summer.

my sunlight on a rainy day

Cirque Du Soleil Corteo

wow! I don't think i'll get another chance to see something like that again. Unless serena & i go see it when we go to vegas! But i have to say that was amazing! I loved every min of it. Its something you can't exactly explain, you just have to be there to know what i mean. My favourite part was the midget lady was floating from 6 GINORMOUS helium filled ballons and she just walked/hopped on the crowds hands as they raised them when she was coming by. My mom & i had fun :)

Sun's out; now it feels like SUMMER

1) Happy Fathers day! - bbq/rockband was fun with the males of the family, but the real celebration is tmr.

2) Congratulations Jamie Jane, I can't believe you're leaving at the end of august. But know for a fact that I'll be visiting. Your celebration was fun. Frick I want a lap-top, and A LOT of free money from strangers.

*on the phone*
p1: So what are you doing?
p2: ...
-long silence-
p2: Who me?
p1: no I'm asking my door...
"There's your sign"

Haha that's good hick-comedy. I'm going to miss just watching TV for hours with you.

3) SYTYCD pt.2 - The new "jabba" group from the west side with all the breaker boys got me thinking. Before i actually saw them perform i thought they were cocky-ish, and i wasn't too fond of them. But i changed my mind once i saw them break. Okay, it was pretty damn hot, kind of a turn on :P I think i like them :)
Sucks for Jeff Vs team. I thought they'd go further but after watching their routine compared to the others changed my mind. Too bad.

4)CSI - i don't like the re-runs after school. I've seen all of them like 5 times by now. Sundays are a good day to watch because of the marathon, and late at night on weekdays. Guess I'll stick to that since it seems like I'm missing out on the newer episodes. I'm not liking the New Guy. Grisom's "replacement" or something like that. He's so sketch. His stupid flashbacks ruin the feng shui of the show, which is why i like the show. So the change sucks, they should just keep the CSILV squad as is. No more new characters please.

5) I shouldn't talk when I'm intoxicated. Sorry.

6) Opened up the water colours, and experimented a bit. Eh not bad, but i think when i plan it out like i do in class it ends up SO much better. Mom's framing the one i finished during class, I'm still waiting for it to come back. I should start getting together my portfolio :) - Excited for school

______________________________________________________

Picture this...
There's a cliff.
Bottom of the cliff is a farm
Top of the cliff there's the city
Edge of the cliff is a boulder blocking the city

Now how would you feel if you were standing on the edge of the cliff waiting to get to the city because you rather not live in the farm?
You see the farm is safe. You do your work, you get things done, but its just not as great as living in the city would be.
In the city you got everything, things are better than safe, things in the city feel more right.
Sure there are going to be some political problems and such but you deal with it.
But see I'm at the edge of the cliff. I met my halfway just by climbing that cliff, but all it is now is the waiting game. Waiting for something to happen for that big boulder to move out of my way so i can get to the city. Climbing there was hard enough, but waiting for something to happen is so much harder than you may think. You'll never know when that something you've been waiting for comes, or even if it will come at all. You stay there and you starve, but you don't want to miss your chance. You start getting impatient. Everything starts getting to you. You think about going back down the cliff, but you rather wait and TRY to be patient rather than miss your chance.
But for some reason you start to question everything again and again, even though you KNOW you're going to stay. It may be cruel, but its what i chose.

Think about it.

what's with all this fine print?

when you see fine print, it's all that stuff
you don't want to read, but you got to read.
the "check of these.."
the "guarantees"
the "this is your own warranty"
the "make sure of this.."
and "don't do these.."
while you listen to Lupe sing "stack that cheese"
you're reading this
but you mumble these
words that you don't really seize
or care to think about
so you just breeze
through the fine print
that all just a tease.

-1.24.08/11.52-12.03

Teach me

first and formost i'd like to say...

I'm proud of you.
You walked the stage,
you officially graduated,
you finished highschool.
stay on the optomistic
side of things.. Love You.

_____________________________
i wish i could be gone for a while :)
i missed it when i was on vacation.

*sigh*

you only get it once in a life time

And there it was.

Prom

Yeah it wasn't my prom night, but it took me so long just to do my own hair & make up. But it was worth it in the end. I'm really proud of you. Its funny how you kept stressing over credits when you already had more than enough. Each of those credits earned by every class you've been in since grade 8, or you could look at is as 5 years. You worked hard throughout high school and this was your weekend to celebrate. I hope it was just as good as you expected it to be, you deserve it. Hopefully i was a good-enough escort for you. I really did enjoy myself, and i'm glad i stayed for 2nd semester. I have no idea what it would have been like if i didn't stay, and i don't care to imagine. I know i've only been in your life for 2 years, but it almost seems like i've been there ever since, and I hope those 2 years means just as much to you as it does to me. I guess what i'm trying to say is..

thank you for being a big part in my life, and congratulations.

charli baltimore

love the way she talks

its just not working

you know this whole under pressure, last min planning, late payments, contradicting arguments, over lapping plans, force of rebel just isn't working for me.

i honestly can't wait till these couple weeks are over.
i don't even care right now, i just want to get it over and DONE with.
with or without the fun, rain or shine, just let it pass already.

this stupid position is making me so angry. by the end of june i believe i'll be .01 balance, stuck in the house, looking out the window watching the rain pour down while thinking about how badley global warming is hitting us since it would be july in about a week or so.

____________________________________________________

i need more practice on the road.
i don't feel like celebrating this year.
i just want the sun. please!

i think its the only think that doesn't make me mad. sun.

10 bucks all day

june 22 08
drive dance
i'm there

hard to please

honestly i think i am a little hard to please. i know, its not the best thing but i mean i think everybody is hard to please because everybody wants different things in certain ways. everything is going to be hard but in different amounts. the thing is you got to find a way to adapt and find the effort to make the adaptation. no kidding it might just be the hardest thing in the world beacause you may just be completly opposite, but its up to you to make it work.

so yes i admit, i am hard to please, but to make it work, its got to be 50/50, and i'm not going to let things slide.

i've become stronger and i know i have control of when to say "no". so when i do, which isn't very often, take it in a good way. take it in a way where no is good, for everybody & not just me, trust.

____________________________________________________________

i can't create a good drawing anymore. where'd it go?

so much going on

so many missed oportunities

so many walls to hit

give me a break

i think bad luck is just falling right into the leos laps

seriously, i don't know what we did.

but we must have done something

cause it seems like we're paying for it now.

sorry to see you like this.

i wish i could do more,

i'm already doing as much as i can

love you.

If you could...

... take away one feeling, what would it be?

I would take the nervous feeling away.
__________________________________

i'm probably not, cause i'm too short.

how fking great is that.


*sigh*

Good Love

Hey, I'm looking for... "Good Love yeaah"

Met a lot of women now they all tore

Ran through 'em all but I'm just not sure...

"Good love, I like that baby"

Yea... We gon' fight but I think that's just... "Good Love yeaah"

1st Class flights, almost home but I... "Just can't keep still"

almost home free

may long weekend, was hella long, & i LOVED it

-ians burday, tan po po
took forever, but food was good

-1st drop-in, at drive w/marc leslie & stew
got icecream from MARBLE SLAB
(peach icecream w/frozen strawberries ;SO GOOD)
hit up engrish bay & had some greek

-birthdays bbq with the cousins
party with 1/4th of sss

-aunties birthday brunch
MAD shopping in poco :)

ANOTHER weekend gone by, and we're just that much closer to summer. can the weather just stay like this please? Lola's birthday last night was good. Happy 79th! stay healthy <3 The day was so nice.. it was warm all day. not too hot, not to cold.

i got less than a month less.. *sigh
i can do this.
when its over, i'll be homefree

at least until sept...
Me? a sullavin girl ?
we'll see how i fit in.

moving houses will be the worst part
.. not exactly looking forward to that
i'm sorry :(
I'll still visit! i promise :D
___________________________________________

dads back from hawaii tmr.
i want to go there :(

why do i even question it?
i know it just leads to no good.

FCK!

i just want to get thingss straight
and know whats going on.


the heats getting to me, and so is the time

it's all on you mr. weather man

did you feel it? did you? yeah it was the sun :D yeah.. a lot of shii was a bother but it didn't matter cause the sun was out. "i'm so happy, its sunny" - marc, haha told you the weather can effect a persons mood, especially mine. i'm still ill, but i could still breath, and as long as i'm breathing i'm living, and more living means more time to enjoy the sun. did it not feel like summer today? it was like i was sampling what summer was going to be like. Ahhh. Still got problems to deal with but i'm looking over things and only taking the important situations into consideration. I finally got control, and most importantly over my anger hahaha, you can get mad, but watch me, watch me not care, and watch me watching you look stupid because you're getting mad over nothing, and you're the only one arguing :) ha!

this will be one hell of a busy long weekend.

30 degrees baby!

i'm ready

it took some time, but i did it.

How Far?

"How far will you go to prove to me that i'm wrong,

Show me that i'm strong,

By your words; through a song?

You see so much more in me that i can't see in myself,

Like i store it on a shelf,

But you make me bring it down by myself.

You make me go through those hard times just so i can realize

Those lies,

That i've been tryn'a hide

Deep inside

That i've been tryn' to escape.

So i can't fake it to the world,

You see i am your girl,

And nothing else matters in the world,

Except that you are with me.

Then again i ask you,

How far will you go

Just to let me know

That you'll still be here when i'm down,

Tell me

How far will you go?"

-03.11.07

_____________________________________

Look how far you went. & for me.. i made it this far, why stop trying now? I'm thankful for the pushes, for the forgiveness, for the arguments, and for the discipline. I needed all of that, and i'm thankful for it too. There is too much in the past to forget about in the future. I cannot go anywhere else but forwards from here. I'm not going back to that, i just know it. Just like i know that i'm going to prove it to them. I can't exactly explain, i just know. I just hope that you know too.

I can only be angry with myself, because thats who put me here

selah

anything that comes out of my mouth

has become that click that triggers

your bullet of anger.

but i stand there without a shield

or anything else for protection.

this is when the laws of hell

come into play.

the law of non-stop hurt & suffering

but you never die no matter how

bad the pain is because...

you're already dead.

and what for ?

*inhale*

this was worse than i thought... i can't believe it actually carried this far. but because its such a big deal i've some how automatically grown to cope & hide behind this mask that doesn't even exist. i messed up bad, and i know it too, but i really am trying. just wait, give me a little more time. i'll show you, i will, i promise. i knew it too, and i kept pushing my limit/bending the rules. i did all of that, and what for? i guess i did the things i did looking for happiness? yet in the end i question all the things i've been doing and ask myself "was it really really worth it?". you know i don't regret any of it, but i'm not proud of any of it either. "what doesn't kill me makes me stronger" .. i know it will, but its a really fragile topic right now.

1st priority... clean up my act
then i'll find the real happiness i've been looking for

*exhale*


_____________________________________________
other than the babies drama...

-full day of school
-FINALLY DONE MY DUNNY PAINTING :D
-LOVING the sun.. it makes me happy
-sadly still sick
-chilled with serena
-took care of "casandra" our baby ;)
-played rockband
-ate
-tv
-ian came over
-bbt/food
-more rockband
-late night chill

missed you guys

the baby of the family

how many times have you thought to yourself "you won't/don't understand.." ?
i'm pretty sure more than once.

there's a lot of things you don't know
and i know that one of those things are that I was actually trying to do better
and be more at home, and all that good stuff for you guys.
but then it was like i was back in that "circle"
being teamed up on.

can't believe i heard the things i did.
your making it even harder then it already is
by asking those unnecessary questions
you know it too so i don't know why you keep going.

what's left to do?
i don't know, i'm so confused.

these are the symptoms

headaches
sleepless nights
homework till the a.m.

stress
twitches
*cough cough*ahem*

expensive phone bill
wet phone screeen
unable to speak right

bell rings
walk away
loss of appetite

I need a prescription

Since the 28th...

I think i really need to get on that english homework i've been pushing back lately, but right now i'll just finish what i started.

30th - Collabo was fun. Vince, or should i say Taxi. Haha that's what you get for getting your N before everyone else :) Chilled with jel & played RockBand! "CitySand"

1st - Chadley's 17th Birthday! "meenat" / Sickstylz practice, where i got flipped accidentally and banged my head into anthony's leg! Thanks a lot! Mouth with braces + leg = blood & cuts... now =kanka sores :(

2nd - PRO D! Went downtown w/jel. Saw quite a bit of people while we were out.

3rd - Saturday was a "spend time with my parents" kinda day. Went out with mom in the am looking for grad shoes.. no luck. But we're checking the states next weekend. Got mc Ds & dairy queen, haha i was so happy :) Once i got home i left for a date... with my dad! And we went to the theaters & watched IRON MAN! Oh my goodness i'm in love with the iron man guy & the the whole movie in general. SO good. GO WATCH IT! I had fun with my dad :)

4th - Sickstylz... hardcore cardio/workout sesh. Haven't worked out like that since.. last years PE class when we'd have collabo/work out wednesdays. I really hope i don't feel it in the morning. Got home had bbq with dad & the gf, and my brother came over too. After dinner obviously we played rockband. It takes 1 dad and 1 son to play the drum's on medium, haha. It was fun.

For some reason it feels like the things i've done like a day or two ago seems so far away now. Weird. Anyways i'm glad i've been staying home more.. and spending time with the family. I'm try not to get my dad mad at me all the time. I think its working.
Still i've been stressing a lot lately. Why exactly, i don't know. Maybe i just need more sleep. My eating habits are fine.. well actually i've been eating a lot, but it's all good. I heard that if you don't get your 8 hours of sleep your systems all messed up and then it starts effecting your eating habits/diet, and makes your body crave things like foods that have a lot of sugar to keep you awake. That's why you crave for sweets because your body will start wanting the things it thinks it needs to get energy your going to need for the day. (i hope that sentence made sense..) I think that's whats been happening to me. I'm always wanting sweets, but i don't care cause i'm not really gaining anything haha. But i think i need to start gaining.. & growing. Stupid feet are so damn small i can't find any heels that fit me. That's why i'm having trouble finding grad shoes. *sigh... why do i have to be so small :(

thing's i've been working on:
-catch-up for english
-freestyling
-self time / sleeping
-staying home/ or just making my dad happy with me
-dunny painting
-us

Most of its getting better. Mostly the last 3. & i'm satisfied with that :)
That's all it's about. Happiness.

__________________________
Up coming events...
-jerome's birthday (6th)
-kuya's birthday (7th)
-last school dance (8th)
-MOTHER'S DAY (11th)

Till then, ¡Ciao!

Amazing. I keep going back to that same place, though i know so much better. But, this time i'm actually going to do something about it. I'm going to have my fun, without any restrictions. No more holding back for nothing. I'm doing this for myself, and for no other reasons. I'm not sorry for doing this, cause i know there's no reason to be. I'm getting away. Trust.

________________________________________

AALIYAH JAI RIVERA'S BAPTISM



More in detail soon enough...

{It's late, and I have school tomorrow, damnit}

Damn i miss those endless hours.

Doing it for the love of it
& Having a good time.

the weekend

-new ps3!
Thats right, my daddy bought a ps3 friday night. He really wanted it for blueray, but i'm waiting on games. So far we only got this one racing one, cause it was free. But you know, we just got it. Yay!

-sorry justin
Yeah all us SSS surrey kids wanted to go, we just had no ride. Exactly why i can't wait to start driving! But about that joke, i'm SO sorry. I did mean it when i said it, it was just funny so i was laughing at the same time. Haha it was pretty funny though. JP&Jerome made me do it. Haha sorry.

-lola is back
Finally! Family get togethers always a little different when your not here. BUT your back, so that cool. I'll see you soon.

-still a chance for me to go to Worlds/Vegas!
(no further information until i get a notice)

-earls party
What a night, huh? i haven't been intoxicated since... well lets just say its been a hell of a while, which is a good thing. Met a lot of new people. Earl, don't you love your golden candle? :) Thanks. Stupid break down, but talked it out. Thanks Joe/Queen. Chilling by the fire was the best part. It was like the after party for just the kids who were crashing. Crashed, with the other 20 billion people (hyperbole). People were everywhere. Good party Earl, good party.

-sick stylz symphony
Next morning of earls party, & we all woke up so early. Bussed with Tyrel, Moben, Young, & Antonio. Went to subway, met with Anthony & headed to richmond. Yes we weren't late :) Doing a krump routine so early from the next day of a party.. shoot that was tough. Almost made it all the way through practice, but burnt out at the end. Ride home, thanks g for not driving like a mad man this time :). Made it home safely, showerd & crashed.

-strawberries & cream <3
Been eating this every day :) YUM

I CAN'T WAIT TO BE DONE WITH THE YEAR!!!!

Animal Cruelty is not art!

Please watch this video.

Sign this petition to stop this "artist" from repeating this horrible "work of art"
PLEASE HELP STOP HIM

http://www.petitiononline.com/ea6gk/petition-sign.html

I already have, & i'm No.257275

days; just wasting away

been so out of it latley. so tired, so dead, so repetative.

exhausted all the time, all day. i think i need to start drinking energy drinks if i want to stay awake the whole day.


talking about grad to the parents is offcially taboo. i know its got to be done, but i'm really pushin it.

oh dance how you bring me pain but at the same time pleasure

why is everything the same? so repetative, so bland, so yesterday. what happend to fun, surprises, change? i can't wait till this school year is over. i cant wait to get outta there, go somwhere new. it'll be one of those "new beginning" kind of things. gr.12 better be awesome, or else i'm gonna be really sad.

room is so clean. schools been so organized, its been so easy(now that i'm actually attending classes). families just fine. self..? got pretty burnt out.

braces make me speak infrofer engris. effing backwire!

its like i'm givin up, but i haven't said so. fallin out.. acually, its more like "w.e."

what the heck your back again? >=( that was fast

good part to this: the sun.
how i longed for your shine

wasting away till the return of something new

the hills

"you know, i just don't think i can wait forever until heidi wants to get off 'relationship vacation'"

Thank you spencer

KEANU KANEALII

what the..

so durring the day i was all..
bchy, sorry!
but for some reason i'm pretty
happy right now.
what the heck?
i don't understand.

oh well.
gotta go read
adios

sick stylz
its good to be back
up & running
dancing like that again
we ripped it up today
screwed up?
who currs!
it was all fun
& such a big work out
so many new faces
and many i haven't seen in a while
its the start of something completly new
we're gonna rep vancity
bringing back that oldschool flavour
next practice a bit of pop&locking
come up with new choreo
i'm gonna be back in shape in NO time
screw bus' & skytrain
CARPOOL!
i'm glad to be back on my dancing feet
its all in the name
SICK STYLZ



new schedual to follow
add ins on tuesday?
wednesday fitting
make some bucks
relax
reeeeeeeeeead


making the most of it

astrology

April 4

Leo: Avoid capricious, disrespectful or out of place reactions, and try to amend this kind of conduct and extreme attitudes, always cultivating a moderate and balanced behavior.

April5

Leo: You tried, and nope, you still can't stand a certain someone. You gave it your best shot, so don't feel bad.

I love my Ho

Serena HO that is.

How good are we at waisting a whole day?
Well, lets look back shall we?

WE WATCHED THE...
-asian version of Shutter
-& asian version of One Missed Call
w/sherman&anthony
-Step it up 2
-the 1st episode of The Hills :)
Ate food
Watched TV
Chilled with Ian
Went to langly & worked out
then drank Red Bull (stupid move)
Ate MCDs
Talked
& Didn't sleep till way to early in the am

Verdict : Very!
_________________________________
Asian movies are WAY more scarey than the american versions.
I miss getting scared to scarey movies :)
Thats that GOOD SHII

go with what ever comes my way.

seriously it sucks when plans change, i think its my pet peeve. yeah no more making plans for me. i'll just go with what ever comes my way.

last few days of spring break not so great. maybe tomorrow will be better.

3rd wheel sucks. it never bothered me before, maybe its just cause i missed you. should i tell them? no, let them have their fun.

new project being worked on :)

old project coming along

new conversations always fun

doing alot of things to get me going

yay :)

"these kids are really fcking cool"

Oh those americans.

Day was turning into night. Their family came up all the way from LA/San Diego. Akward? Just a bit at first. BUT it was a their family party, so eventually we had to settle in with each other. Jed "Jedi", Andrea "Dudes" ;) & the little brother.

"Hi auntie, hi uncle".. Yeah their not family their just your familys friends haha.

An obvious topic.. Canada vs US engrish.
-pop / soda
-washroom / bathroom
-off the wall / against the wall
-pronunciation of "against" haha!
-etc..

Its always fun meeting new people, especially teaching each other new things. Games are so funny, especially when you put them all together & someone has the hardest time figuring it out haha!

"Listen did the dog die? *BANG* Who killed the dog? How many times did the dog die?"

Playing those games were fun before, but teaching them to new people, and putting all the games together was historical!

-*fart noise* .. what was that all about ? ¿
-simply drawing, you belong in LA, you should move there
-Dudes stop texting your boyfriends bestfriend on your 5 months ! haha
-what its already 3: in the am?

Later americans.
Till we meet again..

____________________________________

stayed home.. damnit. Missed the meeting >:(

LOVE taking naps durring the day when the sun is just shining through the window on your face, in your warm bed, everything's organized, and you just feel SOOooOooOOO happy/relaxed/chill/good.

Dinner with nicasio's family @ the Jumanji house ;) . JACOB, you little cutie! Food was insane. Oh look my nails are pink.

Ahh good day.

LADIES DAY/NIGHT TMR.

Just something to look forward to :)

Let me ramble..

I want to teach so bad.
Seriously serena, we're doing it this summer, I SWEAR :D !
I love dancing.
I miss dancing.
I wanted to teach, and compete a duo, or trio, or even a group.
Oh wait I am in one.
I just wanted to teach..
______________________________
-So its taking all spring break. BUT i'm still paciently waiting.
-grad...
-i don't like strangers in my house
-my phone is messed
-I love dunies, but i love free ones better

GOTs this........................................WANTs this.
-notebooks are so useful
-i don't think i've taken one picture this spring break :S
-i got fun dip today. i haven't gotten it in so long
-"my last 1st kiss" tamia live, SO GOOD!

______________________________
Yeah the days not over..yet, but so far it hasn't been the greatest. Why make plans if your not going to go through with them? *sigh*


Huh i forgot what the date was till now.

Oh my..

Oh my...i strongly dislike when plans suddenly change
& i strongly dislike when i waist my money on stupid shh.

stick to the plan.

Oh my ... how could i forget about the 1st group with their hidden identity (masks). You might be thinking of Jaba.. but no, this group Prepix had no idea about Jaba, especially being on the other side of the world (practically). But their mask, was a one time thing, and their creativity is so original. You'll see what i mean with the 2nd video. <3




How attractive
Cassius99, love this song.

patiently waiting...

stay calm, it will come.

a day in the break of spring

[See what i just did there? I switched it up, just like what i did with my day yesterday!]

I get so nervous is not even funny. But i did it :) yay me. Wednesday here i come :$

Guildford is almost like my hometown. Went over to a friends place, got kinda bored but then he showed me book and i discovered a new (to me) /old artist. Yeah stencil graffiti is already cool, but the way Banksy does it... he just takes it to another level. So much inspo. He's so talented, but all the credits goes to an anonymous Banksy. Genius.

Sitting in the food court with the 3 others, and this mother and her baby sit at the table next to us. I look over at the little boy, and he looks and me and has the cuttest smile on his face. The weird but cute thing about it was that his smile was like one of those smiles that guys do when they're trying to hit on a girl. It was so STRANGE, but so so so CUTE. He looked over at miko, and then gave him the most evil look. Crazy, i know! But the four of us kept looking at him and he just kept smiling. You could just see that he Loved the attention. He was so cute, especially with his little young Jackson curls. Adorable.

[Lets see.. bus; catch up; skytrain; reminisce; bus; rockband; eat; rockband; chill; poetry slam]

My first live Poetry Slam @ Cafe Deux Soleil. I was so stoked for the whole day to see what it would be like. I kinda had high expectations, but i thought it was pretty cool from seeing, listening, and being at this Cafe with hard core poets. These people that performed have no shyness for being infront of an audience and putting it ALL OUT there. Mostly all of them used free-verse, and they really knew what they we're saying. I loved the way their range of vocabulary was so unlimited and the way they just put it all together. It was pretty crazy. But finally, Mr. Arevalo had his turn. He was so nervous before he got on, but when he started speaking into the mic, he owned his words, and sucked you into his story. "Mr. Imagination" became an image in your mind. I'm proud of you Francis. You've gone a long way since the 8th grade. Its gonna be hard topping your 1st performance. *snap snap snap snap*

_____________________________________________________

Another good day.

For the moment

Is it that time ? Or am i just tired?
I think i'm just tired

It must be, because the sun is out
but the mood ain't right.

Its just the begining

Whaddup spring break?
How does spring break get any better?
Oh yeah, NO homework. Already such a good start.

Happy Birthday Karl!
Boston pizza has dumb waitresses, but we also have kinda dumb friends, it's okay Stanley. Go ahead, tell Karl the surprise. Over all, food was good. We're we supposed to wait? Oops, so sorry :S. Went over to the mall. Wow, FREE DINNER & CANDY. Free anything is actually pretty good. Hope you enjoyed the rest of the night Karl.

--------------------------------------
I know i've been planning alot of things with people and to hang out this spring break, but i didn't plan to see so many people the 1st day. Especially in the small town of Guildford. Good place to be. After running into running into a missed-friend (kucha#2) the rest of my plans for the night changed. Man i totally forgot how good Coyote Ugly is. The love story in that movie is really cute. Oh and about forgetting things, i almost forgot about Passion. "Well Done" was like the song of the night. I don't know exactly how to explain but, songs like that are so... heartfelt and in a way inspiring.





___________________________


Hope you know that we are getting through this, and we both have been taking all of this at the right pace and tempo. But I don't know what happen the other day. Things weren't clicking. I don't know what it was, or if it was anything at all. It was just a speed bumb, thats all. Hope your good with this. I just want to get by this, and keep going with where we were at. We know we can do this, because we've been through way worst before. Anyways.. just thought you should know what i've thinking.

Hey, you know what. You're doing good.

I'm proud of you. I've been seeing that

you've managed to not let everything

bother you, and just let things go. You

got it over with. You stuck though. Shoot

I'm hella proud of you. Hang in there,

You're good. You can almost feel that

point where happiness is all that is.

"Troubles... whats that?" You giggle now but

you'll be asking that question soon enough.

Good job. Keep doing what you're doing.

Cause you right there & only you can do this.

Just to busy

I've been to busy for alot of things right now. For example, using BS (fyi bs=blogspot).

How'd it become so hectic anyway?

Daily routine?
Now just an old lost mean,
But a mean that once ment to keep things organized.

With the obstacles that have been put before me
They hold me down, but at the same time hurt thee,
& they've now become the everyday goal, just to get by.


eff it, i'm tired i'll finish some other time.
to busy right now

had a crazy good day. and i was looking forward to going to bed.
last minuet change of planns, kinda just ruiened my mood for the
night.

yah tmr.

If you don't want to be here then leave already. It's not like you show your face around anways. Once you get here you cloister yourself and stay there. You don't appriciate the food here, you don't do anything around here, and you treat him like you don't need him, so why are you still here? I don't appreciate you walking around here doing the things you do. And you certainly don't appreciate the things we do around here. I feel sorry for him because you once made him happy, and now your taking him for granted.

thats something

current mood: muy buena

Estoy muy muy contenta. Yo no se porque, yo apenas estoy. Todos es gran. ¿El sol es brillante, si? Yo tengo que limpiar la casa. Pero que no problemo, por que estoy ameroso el sol! Tus muchas gracias por escuchas. Ciao!

Yeah i miss the summer, the sand, the water, and especially the sun. I can't believe i actually got a sun burn last summer. What kinda flip gets a sunburn? I'm not sure, but this summer i'll be currful :) Sunburns hurt way to much, i'm not going to go through the sticky a** lotion and sleeping unevenly again!I'm so glad the sun is starting to come out. Its been gone for too hella damn long. 6 more months & 11 more days. "Watch out, cas is on the road!" Yeeeah. Summer should be good. Summer should be reaaal guuuuud. BUT plenty of good things to come before then. Like...

-Gets a job
-School, duh!
-Grad?
-PRACTICE driving ...ALOT
-Spring break conf. plan (?)
-Take curr of my shh
-Dance stuff
-Goal of finally finishing my painting

Many places to go, lots to do, much to take care of.

____________________________________

Poetry contest? Free entry? Free prizes? Okay.

love song

Head under water
And they tell me to breathe easy for a while
The breathing gets harder, even I know that
You made room for me but it's too soon to see
If I'm happy in your hands
I'm unusually hard to hold on to
Blank stares at blank pages
No easy way to say this
You mean well, but you make this hard on me
I'm not gonna write you a love song'cause you asked for it'cause you need one, you see
I'm not gonna write you a love song'cause you tell me it's
Make or breaking this
If you're on your way
I'm not gonna write you to stay
If all you have is leaving
I'm gonna need a better
Reason to write you a love song today
I learned the hard way
That they all say things you want to hear
And my heavy heart sinks deep down under you and
Your twisted words,
Your help just hurts
You are not what I thought you were
Hello to high and dry
Convinced me to please you
Made me think that I need this too
I'm trying to let you hear me as I am
I'm not gonna write you a love song'cause you asked for it'cause you need one, you see
I'm not gonna write you a love song'cause you tell me it's
Make or breaking this
If you're on your way
I'm not gonna write you to stay
If all you have is leaving I'm gonna need a better
Reason to write you a love song today
Promise me that you'll leave the light on
To help me see with daylight, my guide, gone'cause I believe there's a way you can love me
Because I sayI won't write you a love song'cause you asked for it'cause you need one, you see
I'm not gonna write you a love song'cause you tell me it's make or breaking this
Is that why you wanted a love song'cause you asked for it'cause you need one, you see
I'm not gonna write you a love song'cause you tell me it's make or breaking this
If you're on your way
I'm not gonna write you to stay
If your heart is nowhere in it
I don't want it for a minute
Babe, I'll walk the seven seas when I believe that
There's a reason toWrite you a love song today

When you're angry, some things are left better unsaid.
But when you keep things unsaid, you do things you might
end up regreting later. Like ripping up something that once
ment something to you. And then throwing it away in the
garbage at school on purpose because you know you wont
be able to get it back. Or wanting to talk to someone you
shouldn't be talking to. Or do things that you shouldn't be
doing.It's hard to have control over your feelings. Especially
when they are that strong.

___________________________________
You know it would be nice if you could be there, and actually
BE THERE. Moments like that are not very often. When in
need of support, it'd be nice to get a little. I needed that, at
that specific moment. But you were too busy.

___________________________________
Oops. Too late now.

you know?

what's valentines?
oh yeah.. that. Why don't we just show love every day of the year?
I'm not hating but i must admit.. i'm a sucker for that romantic stuff. Not that corney stuff, don't get me wrong, but the sweet surprises'. It just hits me, right in the heart.

________________________
YUP i hate you. Why can't you just drop it? You're not going to believe me no matter what i say, so just stop trying to make it a big deal, take what you want, and leave me alone? I can't STAND you sometimes. Your like that annoying fly that buzzes around you that you can't see or get rid of. Ahh grow up & don't get mad at me for something you did 1st, and worst. I know every one can be hypocritical at times but you just crossed the line with it. & i can't believe you actually told on me to mom & dad, and called my friends. Ridiculous.

_________________________
Needed to get out today. Once again good chill night with the 2 favorites. Haha as always, Ian pays for everything. But we'll make it up to you. One day you'll see. Mann it's good to reminice about the good times. Especially when we all just met. Those nights were the best. Can't believe how late we were allowed to stay out. 2 sometimes 3 in the am? We had it good, but we were so young? Crazy, i know, but fun. Days like that would never be the same again. We hit our highest point that from everything else on, just felt like it was going downwards. & it has, but we got to the point where all we need is what we have now.

_________________________
NTS: get a better book for doodles
& possibly more tools

LOUD

Loud music.. sounds better. Loud talking.. kind of annoying. Loud yelling.. scarey.

Stop yelling. Please?

My 1st ever

DANCE HERO: JOE <3



A dancer is only as good as their choreo. In this case, thats no problem for Joe.

parable - I AM DONKEY

"One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried pietrously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally he decided the animal was old, that the well needed to be covered anyway and that it just wasn't work retrieving the donkey. So he invited all his neighbours to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazment, he quietended down. A few shouvel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well and was astonished at what he saw. With every shovel of dirt that his his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off, and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbours continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off! "

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off, and take a step up.

Got em'

A: Film/Video 11/12
B: Espanol 11
C: Engrish 11
D: Art 11/12

SO HAPPY I DROPPED THEATRE.
...weirdos.

blk A&D should be fun. Don't think its possible for both of us to be skipping those blocks. I gotta keep that in mind.

ACCEPTANCE

I accept the way I am,
though I know I'm not all great.
I accept what has been put before me,
even though things are a struggle.
I accept the things I have,
because I know many that take theirs for granted.

Acceptance...
one step closer to happiness.

thats just great. effed over again?
why?
lets see uhm because i paid my part but they said we didn't
and because i'm a girl.

terrific

WHY? seriously why?

Hip (Slang) :
1. familiar with or informed about the latest ideas, styles, developments, etc.: My parents aren't exactly hip, you know.

Hop (Informal) :
5. To dance.

ha, school

MATH FINAL
i SO ACED YOU!

SS PROV.
yeah i'm scared

STOKED

Felt so good to be back on that stage, in the spot light, and dancing my heart out. I was SO proud of myself that night, you don't understand how hard i tried. & it hurt because i tried so hard, litterally. It was so hard to breathe, especially with being sick and all. But it felt SO GOOD. Its so undescribably, you just have to experience it yourself.

I'm so happy with being back on track, and going through this busy dance schedual. & now this oppourtunity. Thats just something i cannot pass up. Not with this drive, nuh uh. Imagin if i actually went to Worlds?! Oh man i don't want to jinx it.

Next week solo choreo gots to be done. Finally got my song, and the reason behind that song. Explain details another time, once its been performed.

Just For Kicks

"If you woke up, and you had the greatest day of your life, why would you need to live anymore? You know theres always something better, something iller. Thats why we keep going."
-Tommy Rebel

Whats school?

Oh yeah the thing i hate right now.
STUDY STUDY STUDY.
YEP, can't do that.

Why? Because i procrastinate..

for example, this blog.

Metaphor: Physically visualized through my eyes my own dilema

The sun.
Bright & hot.

The wind.
Cold.

In my room looking for what to wear this morning.
Look outside the window & i see the sun coming though.
Expectaions? A little warm, but still got to be prepared.

Unknowingly i step outside my door,
in a rush towards the bus,
I feel the the wind.
The cold wind.

Damn.
2nd thought came over me.
Quickly change?
No time.

Not as prepared as i thought i'd be,
But without a second look i went anyways.
My mistake.

Mis-led?
A little.

--
Looked, but not twice: Prepared
Way to school: Freezing
Indoors w/the sun through the window: Heated
--

I thought i was ready to get out there. I was so ready i didn't think to make a second check. As soon as i got out there, it was hard.. it was cold. And in the end i felt the pain, the suffering & the burn.

ANOTHER YEAR GONE BY

HBD:

Jan14-NEL
Jan16-KALEY
Jan17-JEL
Jan18-SANDRA
Jan19-BIGBURR
Jan20-SIMONNE

"Leave me alone, i'm in my zone."

SUNDAY: Always a good day for your self to just chill.

[Out with mom]
Usual sunday breakfast, and then headed to PoCo. Finally exchanged my jeans for a bigger size. Yet when i got home, i wanted the bigger pair i tried on. & again, exchanging my jeans are on my list of things to do. Why does H&M have to have ages instead of sizes?! Yeah i'm still kid sizes, but clearly i'm not the right age. Sucks to be me. Headed to WINNERS, & finaly got my new pages for my story for 08'. I've been waiting since the begining of the year to get that, my goodness!

Alright, it's time to lock down on the books & get to studying.

ONE

The Rhythm The Beat The Love ...and you don't stop

Dear headache,

my pain killers told me to tell you to "F*@¿ OFF!"

with love: CP

i've hurt myself by hurting you

You don't understand. I'm trying to figure out what i want, and what i don't want, but its so much harder than you think. I know i don't want to do certain things cause i feel that you don't deserve that from me. Though i want to, i hold back, or just "run away from it." I do these things, cause i don't want to hurt again. I know thats what the outcome will be if i get weak, so i try to stay strong, and hold back, but you & i both know its hard. Understand that, cause you should already know.

we moved into things really fast, we went through alot really fast, and we ended things fast.

understood & accepted.

Ok now thats done with
next concentration : me... & then school
eff!

ps: i'm tired

i need another cross :(

update

Busing every morning is such an adventure. Latley i've been running into people i haven't seen in a while. Yesterday it was J.P. and today was M.A. & N.P. Its nice to stop and be able to say hi. Why is it still snowing? I really hate walking in slushy snow. Please go away.

So we're back to school. What a drag. Philosophy test/essay thing tmr. Not really prepared, but its ok. Math, is getting boring. I hate Bio, but its a fun class to be in. Socials provincial coming up, not sure if i'm prepared. Man these classes are going to be ending sooner than i think. But 2nd sem will be fun. Video, Art, Theater, English. SO easy! But maybe i wont have those classes. 2nd sem is coming up pretty soon, and maybe if things change, it'll be easier for me. Maybe even better for me... Father keeps asking, trying to pursuade, but who knows. Seems kinda like it'll be better. & Father knows my deal, so he knows that it should be easier to change. Who knows..
Next year plan want to take SP11 since i didn't take it this year, Physics11, cause i took stupid Bio, Math12, Eng12 (duh!), Law12, InfoTech, & Art12. Hopefully i'll get the classes i want, where ever i go next year.

CSI i missed you! I have time to watch tv again. I almost forgot how good the show was. "Reunited & it feels so good". SUNDAY CSI LAS VEGAS 4 HOURS! Good, cause i need to catch up.

Art i missed you, and DANCE i missed you the most!
Finally back to my roots. With the new set i got for christmas drawing has been taking up sometime in my life, and i think i'm getting better. "Practice makes perfect". Soon enough i'll get back to the liquid colours, and start watery liquid colours. Love my new set!!!
OK so i need to start my choreo for the "this is my life song, & heres my dance" thing for Li.FE. Choreo wasn't the problem, choosing the song was the HARDEST part. I still don't know if the song i picked was perfect, but i got to get it done asap!

I love my cds, my r4, my art set, my shirt, my dad.

Kay.. guess i should start with my long list of things that have to get done tonight.

last piece of winter break

SO last night was fun :)
& depressing
BUT still fun
& hella exausting
BUT hyper
& kinda angry
BUT still fun :)

It was like my whole winter break sumed up into one night. It was pretty crrrassey.

EFF schools tmr, SO MUCH LAUNDRY TO DO TODAY. Good thing I don't have homework :D









FINALLY GOT MY SHIRT <3






___________________________________

LET IT GO

BREAKING POINT

NEVER BEEN SO MAD, PISSED, ANGRY, SAD, SCARED, & WORRIED BEFORE.. &I NEVER HATED YOU TILL NOW

FUCK

P.U.S.H P.U.S.H P.U.S.H P.U.S.H P.U.S.H P.U.S.H P.U.S.H P.U.S.H P.U.S.H P.U.S.H P.U.S.H
P.U.S.H
P.U.S.H P.U.S.H P.U.S.H P.U.S.H P.U.S.H P.U.S.H P.U.S.H P.U.S.H P.U.S.H P.U.S.H P.U.S.H P.U.S.H P.U.S.H P.U.S.H P.U.S.H P.U.S.H P.U.S.H P.U.S.H P.U.S.H P.U.S.H P.U.S.H P.U.S.H P.U.S.H P.U.S.H P.U.S.H P.U.S.H P.U.S.H P.U.S.H P.U.S.H P.U.S.H P.U.S.H P.U.S.H P.U.S.H P.U.S.H
P.U.S.H
P.U.S.H P.U.S.H
P.U.S.H
P.U.S.H P.U.S.H
P.U.S.H
P.U.S.H P.U.S.H
P.U.S.H
P.U.S.H P.U.S.H
P.U.S.H
P.U.S.H P.U.S.H
P.U.S.H
P.U.S.H P.U.S.H
P.U.S.H
P.U.S.H P.U.S.H P.U.S.H P.U.S.H P.U.S.H P.U.S.H
P.U.S.H P.U.S.H P.U.S.H P.U.S.H

NOTHINGS HAPPENING!!!!!!!!!!
where THE HELL are you?!?!?!

SCRATCH THE ART IN MY LAST POST

THATS ART

THATS LOVE

Just stuff

People can do amazing things. Amazing things such as ...



i'm getting addicted to tetris, and look what i found..



Human Art. Who woulda' thunk?

____________________________________

Hey...
Don't loose me.

"The smaller the heel the more down to earth"

Yeah I do wear heels.. but i'd pick sneakers over heels anyday.

Try that for size.

|Like an unfinished book|

okay..

2 songs

Guess i'll start with CONFUSED, because thats what I am. When you do things like THIS, then I feel like i'm being pushed away and makes me want to quit, but when you do things like THAT, I know that everythings going to be okay and i'm happy with where everything is. And then theres also the OTHER THING you do, and it makes me feel like I do want this but theres no hope.

I'll start with THAT. You've been doing things like that for some time now, and thats when i've been feeling so secure, so happy, so good like that 1st time feeling and so perfect. Everything was all good when you do things the way you did. But then you started doing things like this..

And now its making me think. Think about all the little "what if..", "am i..." or "but then.." arguments in my head. When you do things like this I think that maybe i'm Doing To Much. Then I start thinking of the other options, and how i really think i feel. Like when im with you I feel like i dont want to let go but it hurts to stay, and when im without you its so easy to think of just leaving because i feel as if im the only one keeping this going. When you do the things like THIS I get angry and think of those kind of things and i feel as if its so easy to be Fallin Out. Then after you do things like this and were in person, it becomes that OTHER THING.

Were there, physically in person, just hanging out. Youre doing that OTHER THING, and i know i have no conrtol. Thats where it hurts the most. The whole time its been your choice, your decission, your word, your say, your control. Ive done my part, and thats all i can do. And with the way youve been doing things, i have no clue with whats going on or how all of this is going to end up, and i get so scared. So scared to loose you.

I dont want to but i think im slowly Fallin out.

¿ what is this ?

winter breaks been busy; time to blog..

CHRISTmas eve
woke up, exchanged gifts at jels, home, got ready, took a nap, got re-ready, went to cousins place, went back home, ate dinner (w/dad, ate, kuya, & felicia), opend dads gift, chilled, went back to cousins place, slept at moms.

CHRISTmas day
woke up, went back to sleep, woke up, ate came, woke up kuya, opend moms gifts, ate, chilled, went home, got ready, ate dinner at moms, went to cousins, partied, went home.

CHRISTmas aftermath (boxingday)
got my early wake up call, got ready a.s.a.p, skytrained to lougheed, bussed to coquitlam centre, SHOPPED w/jamiejane brianchester & dyankyle, boothpics!, chilled at jamies, headed to metro, then downtown, got him a better christmas gift, headed home.

it was good to chill with my cousins like before. now that jamie can drive, haha things are getting a little better, and more like they used to be. it wont be soon before long by the time i'll be driving and out on the streets. "watch out, jamie's on the road" haha! good stuff.

why is everything going so perfect right now? just the right amout of down sides, and the right amount of up rights. i really needed this winter break. with what i've been going through just before the break, i think i deserve this. im happy with where everything is at right now. lets not jinx it...

new years resolution?
-no more rebellious actions
-no more hate
-no more wrongs
-MORE good

STILLTOBUYlist:
-notebook
-petertaylor shirt
-one more dunny?

LOVESHERSELF.

do you know?
beacause i don't?

I should just never think again...

Yeah cause thats gonna happen.

s-t-you-p-i-d

making it harder on myself.

Noo more, no more.