DROP-IN-CLASS

So I took a couple drop-in classes at Harbour Dance Centre, and I haven't taken a drop in class before. The 1st one was fun and a bit of an icebreaker and this video here is of the 2nd class we took (we as in Carmen & I ). I enjoyed myself taking these classes cause it was new to me. Near the end of the class after Richard had split us up into groups he did one more thing. He called me out and told me to dance with him =D I was so honored to do so. I guess my efforts paid off. It was my time to shine. I've hit Pride Rock (THE LION KING YEAH!) .  Thanks Carmen for taking me out there!!

anger management, NO THANKS I`LL BLOG!

*RING*

Wow, i haven't felt that good about hearing an alarm before. The mens rea of what the alarm means; what it will bring. TWO STRAIGHT WEEKS OF NOT ATTENDING SCHOOL WITHOUT GETTING IN TROUBLE. 

You know its always good when there`s an ending. Since there`s always going to be a new beginning. Like the end of a fight. Or the end of school, or the end of work, etc. etc.. Endings are just good.. cause you know what`s coming up. Well, most of the time.

Anyways...

This winter break best be good. You know, a lot of sleeping, a lot of good times, a lot of memories maybe, a lot of ``Hey whats up, its been a while`` and all that good stuff. 

The prior weeks have been hell. I think this has been my worst year with me and my parents. If i had a dime for everytime i`ve gotten in trouble. HA! Wouldn`t that be something. But don`t misunderstand. I don`t like getting in trouble or do it on purpose, or proud of it in anyway. I hate it actually. The guilt the most. Thats what truly hits me. Thats when i stop, thats when i know my limit. When it hurts so bad, that its not even an option anymore. Its just an automatic STOP, DON`T BE STUPID. You know the whole `fight fire with fire` is total bs. Say i was the 1st fire, if anyone were to ever try to ``fight`` (metaphorically speaking) me with my own medicine then i`m just going to go crazy... (not metaphorically speaking, some of you know what i mean). But if you were to use a different method (say `water`again metaphorically speaking) then i`d be like oh, damn i shouldn`t have been so stupid and crazy. My bad. Its just the way things are you know. This equation has been proven many times. And i bet that you can think of a situation where you`ve been in this kind of method before. Don`t lie. 

OH THAT REMINDS ME!

Do you know how much you piss me off. A lot! You should have said something. If there is ever a time where we cross paths and somethings up at the time. Don`t be shocked to see me up in your face. I am not afraid to speak up and direct. I`m not going to pretend that i like you, or that you don`t bother me. You do. So if i ask you something, don`t front. Cause that will just make me more mad. 

HUM.. i don`t think i`ve ever publicized that side of me. Or have really shown it to anyone in person (besides that one time). But yeah i`m not really like that. Only if you do something thats going to distract my daily life routines. Then yeah, its going to bother me, and you`re not going to be on my good side. 

So winter break. Well tmr i`m supposed to take a workshop tmr with Carmen. Lets see if i make it on time. And FightBeforeChristmas is tmr too. I`ll probably be attending that. Have my moments of  `hey! i haven`t seen you in a while, whats up` and all that good stuff. And lastly do some Christmas Shopping. Gotta make my list tonight. 1 down, lots to go. 

Oh and to you guys in bed. Just tell me why, or why not. Don`t say something and don`t give me a reason. Cause im not going to believe it. Im not going to say anything TODAY.. cause you know. Thats just not cool. But i`ll wait a day or two. I`ll be civil. Theres no point getting worked up over this. I shouldnt have been surprised, but for somereason i thought you guys might have changed. Guess not. Sleepy heads get out of bed, start living in the real world.

humm.. that was an angry blog. Oh well. Someone cheer me up. 

2ND COUSINS SAME BLOOD

JAMIE JANE / CASANDRA  / BRIANsummer of : 04 05 & 06
(i think? haha :)

Rocked Loves Balance

We're just to good to be true. So we're false. A false misunderstanding to what the world may view us as. But not to what we view and know ourselves as. We know what's going on. We don't have certain titles to document our storyboard. But our storyboard is written in ink. Ink because while everything happens its stays like that forever, and we cannot go back and change things with just an eraser. In this life, there are no erasers, just mistakes. But thats what conclusions are for. Conclusions that usually come with a solution. But just because there is a conclusion it doesn't always mean that there is going to be an ending. We seem to find conclusions that never really leaves anything behind. And then later on what ever baggage we had before we add more to it and go back to things we've already gone through. Yet we find more solutions that we haven't found the first time. I don't know how., but we just do. Lets try not to carry this baggage anymore, lets try not to rock loves balance. We know more now than we did the 1st time through. And we're still learning. So no matter how badly unbalanced this love becomes, the 2nd time through will make it all worth while.

PHOTOSHOOT samples

click to view larger version in a new window

Flight of the Conchords

It's pretty funny.

I've been having creative blocks and it completely disables me from making any good ideas for my big art projects. So i've decided to go back to basics. Meaning, doodling in class, and simply testing out other things. 

Engrish 12 - All we did was watch group presentations so its not like this distracted me from anything important.

I call this one "Trapped in my room" because i was at the time i created this. I like water paints. But I'm not quite sure if they like me just yet... 

(and yes i know his hand it messed)

I've been doing some more doodlings but they're on the covers of my binders.

I'm getting there.

To love is an active verb.

//I love the city.

//I'm in love with the sand.

Friday; Trying to weigh out the pessimistic side of life

The hardest part of the day now is getting out of bed. I don't know exactly why this is but that's just the way it goes. But today was harder than usual. Last night wasn't a nightmare. It was, just unreal. I woke up feeling so shtty that I didn't even want to go to school. I knew that I would feel even worse if i didn't go, so i went anyways.

I was supposed to get in early to finish up an assignment that i needed to hand in. The time it would have taken me to walk to the bus stop wait and get to school would be the same amount of time it would have taken me to walk the whole way. So i saved myself a dollar seventy-five and took a nice walk in the morning cold. It was actually starting to wash away my morning shtty feeling. But i still felt pretty bad.

Worked on my assignment before 1st bell rang, and went through BLK.A finishing up the same assignment. I got it finished on time to hand in for BLK.B. English wasn't as bad as it usually was. I actually don't remember what we did in class, but at least it wasn't bad enough for me to remember, thats the only part that matters. Humm, my memory seems to be getting worse. I'm starting to forget things much easier :( . As i was saying, english was alright.

Here we go, LAW; CHAPTER 5/6 TEST. I was not as prepared as i wanted to be, so i took the time to lock myself in the library during the lunch period to study and take some notes. Luckily for me it actually Helped. I believe there were only 2 questions that i had guessed on, so i am almost certain that i'll be getting an A. It was getting closer to the end of the day, but even with the day being filled with things to do I was some how unfortunate, but able to remember the shtty feeling that started my day.

With all the extra little zone out moments i had to myself all i would think of is how am i going to fix it this time? Till an hour ago i still had no clue. I wouldn't have figured it out if you didn't call.

I really wasn't expecting a call from you anytime soon by the way things ended the night before. All i knew was that like trying to get sober, this dilemma needed time. But i guess it just really needed productive use of time. You thought things through more genuinely than i have. As if my brain had hit a wall and made like it was in "writers block".

I have to say, i really look up to you for making the call on this one. I wasn't expecting you to be as civil as you are. I understand that you are doing better with making your decisions based on what will work best, rather than letting your rage of emotions decide for you at the moment. You're really making things more clear for the both of us. And it really helped take a load of my shoulders, probably more than you think.

I still have the right to feel shtty, but you being the bigger man about things are making me want to feel shtty in a good way. I know it kind of contradicts itself, but thats the best way to explain it right now.

You've said it before, but I want to say it this time...

"[You] got [me]"

you really do.

Good job cas, Good FUCKING job.



do it again. I DARE YOU.
Don't even try, you'll just do it again anyways right?





I don't want to be that person anymore.
How do you change a mistake you don't
even know you're making? I'm helpless.
No.

This will be fixed.
I will help this.
There will be change.

I can't say how yet, and I can't say when.
But i'm sure of it. I am.

I p.. i pr...



.. you know the rest.

Wow i hate procrastinating. 

HATE,... not dislike, HATE

what's wrong with me?

stop thinking.

What's the good in goodbye? 

Nothing

Especially when you don't really know when the next time you'll be saying hello. 

BYE

she said what i was thinking

It's not so easy loving me it gets so complicated all the things you've gotta be. Everything's changin, but you're the truth I'm amazed by all your patience everything I put you through. When I'm about to fall somehow you're always waitin with your open arms to catch me. You're gonna save me from myself.
My love is tainted by your touch. Some guys have shown me aces, but you've got that royal flush. I know it's crazy everyday, well tomorrow may be shaky, but you never turn away. Don't ask me why I'm cryin, cause when I start to crumble you know how to keep me smiling. You always save me from myself. You're gonna save me from myself. I know it's hard, but you've broken all my walls. You've been my strength, so strong, and don't ask me why I love you it's obvious your tenderness is what I need to make me a better woman to myself You're gonna save me from myself.

-ca

:D .. wow

I've been talking about this dude for some time now, and i cannot express how infatuated i am with him. Haha, just listen to his laugh! I've never heard his voice till nov.5. And i'm not going to forget it. This video may not be mine, or for me, or have anything to do with me, but .. i don't even know. I guess it just shows how down to earth this guy really is. He took the time to stop and talk to a random guy on the phone, how nice is that? Honestly i did't expect the jabba boys to be that nice. But they were so sincere about everything. So polite, so well mannered. It was a bit of a surprise but also a huge relief, since i was so very intimidated.

Next time i know i'm going to meet someone i look up to, i have to prepare what i'm going to say, cause i was to overwhelmed by Josephs presence!

I respect him for his passion and creativity for dance, i respect his love for his family and his friends, and i respect him for his trust in god.

You are truely a blessing and i'm so..so... i don't even know a word to describe this, but i'm SO SO ______ that i got to meet you!

That's what he said

Yep, the very own PETER TAYLOR that made this shirt <3>

Some Kind of Feelin

I felt like I was back home. Where I was supposed to be.

It was just what I needed, to felt like I belonged, without

breaking any rules, without having anything to hide. I just

needed some kind of feelin to reassure my self existence.

I am still here. It wasn't just a bad night mare, sht really is

getting rough, but I'm still here, and I know this 'cause i 

can still feel. I'm sorry Mr. Chambers but, "I think therefore

 I am" just doesn't cut it right now. Philosophy is not the 

answer for this kind of question. 

'Sanks G'ford,

'Sanks Fellas'

204109

6351

6543

2800230

whats next?

Not In My Right State Of Mind

The other day I was on my way home, on the bus. It was about 8:30, I believe, and was already dark outside. I don't like how the days are shorter, and the nights are longer. Well it was only the bus driver, me, and one other guy on the bus. I was reading my book on the bus but i stopped because i knew my stop was coming up. I'm trying to look outside the windows to see where we are. Since it was pretty dark it was hard to tell 'cause the neighborhood looks pretty similar. I see where we are and start thinking about when I'm going to pull the wire. I'm looking towards the front from sitting just behind the back doors, and i kind of see the stop sign flicker on, as if someone pulled it, but incorrectly, or too hard. I look at the other only guy on the bus and i didn't see him move at all. In my head I'm thinking if he might have pressed the handicap alarm on the side in the front. So I'm not worrying about pulling the wire because i guess he was going to get off at the same stop as me. Then i glance over and we miss my stop. I check the front again and the stop light is turned off, like it never was pulled to begin with. I call out to the bus driver "You missed my stop!" and he pulls over to the side and lets me out. 

I'm on the side of the road, in the dark, not close to my stop, walking home. I don't like how this area doesn't have enough street lights. As I'm walking home I'm trying to figure out what happened back there? Maybe my eyes just saw what it wanted to see.. but i don't remember being THAT tired. The whole cold walk home i was confused and scared. 

I don't understand...

"My unthought through actions of stupidity,"

I over did it.

Everything was just.. overwhelming, wasn't it? Once again I was the bad cop. It always comes around the next day, when I'm back to my senses, and have time to think about last nights conversation. "Why did I have to mention that when I knew it would end that way?". There I go again, not thinking, just acting.. acting stupid. Saying the first frustrated thing that boils up in my mind. And I'm here, next morning thinking what was I DOING?! Mad at myself, 'cause I know I pushed it. Nothing would have happened if I didn't have to open my mouth to begin with. I should have just kept it all in, no matter how much sht bugged me. I knew better than that.. or at least I thought I did. I think I got scared. Scared of loosing you even more than I already had. Yet, I was trying so hard to avoid the very thing I was doing. Pushing you away even further. You can't imagine how bad I feel, or how sorry I am. (I hate the over use of that word.)But I wholeheartedly mean it.

That whole time we were together that day, I did not even realize the date. October 16th... A day I told myself I would not forget. Can't believe its been a year now. It didn't seem that long ago, since I still remember how it went down, and how it went the day after, and the day after that. Kanye's concert would have been a lot different, and seeing you act "that way" the day after that... well that changed A LOT for me. I'm not even going to go into the "what if"s, 'cause everybody knows that you can't change the past, so why bother trying to make it up in your mind and stress over something that's not going to happen? I say don't.

Situations been messed up so badly that, 'nothing even matters' no more. What's done is done. And what left is there possibly left for me to screw up?

I got to look past all of this, and learn from it. I've already been doing a good job with covering up my emotions, and looking pretty happy. I'm not going to let myself mope around. No more of that. Just learn. Just find happiness.

Preview for next post

I'll be sharing a few words on my experience with the new nano, when i'm not so busy.

Love You Baby

Aaliyah Jai RiveraCommon' , how cute is this picture? Can't believe you're almost one years old. You got two more months baby, and you'll be at a full digit number. Love you baby, don't grow up too fast.

Lost tew teef
Lost my ring!!! SO PISSED
i feel so empty without it.
I LOVED THAT RING!!!
SO ANGRY!

yeah thats all. class is over

For The Moment

Listening to "soldier" by Erykah Badu on my DS. Divided from the majority of the class who is in photography, i'm supposed to be working on my sketch. But its not my fault, they need all the desks right now, so i have no choice but to be sitting here on the computer. I actually think i'm supposed to be apart of the photography side of the class, but because i'm in art in blk A as well i've just been stuck using as much time as i can on my other projects for blk A.

can't wait till its done.

ok media students are removed from the desks and back on the computers. I'm going to finish my project.

Damn..

I'm already bored of my hair..

Maybe if it was shorter in the back, longer in the front, and had more layers, then maybe i'd be a little more satisfied with it for another couple months or so. But my hairs starting to grow, and it isn't as "wow" as it was the day i got it cut. I don't think i want to re-cut it though becuase the 1st hair cut was already expensive enough, and i want to start growing my hair already becuase i at least want to be able to have it up somehow for grad.

I miss running my fingers through my long hair as i combed through the managable tangles and pullled over my hair to one side so i could see what i would be writing...

Once my hair grows back, i think i'd miss being able to dry my short hair so quickly and how it always just stayed in place.

Yeah but i still want my long hair back.. so i could actually style it. Short hair doesn't do much. Or maybe i just haven't demonstrated enough with it just yet.

Here i go, endlessly waiting till my hair grows back.
Damn..

Just Another Saturday

Late friday night + early saturday morning = tired as fck!

KILLBEATS was fun. Getting there was hectic. Something was up with the skytrain.. virn's pretty good at impersonating B.W.W.s haha... and we were late. Got home 'round 1130, thank goodness i didn't have to bus, thank you Fearless! Didn't sleep till, 12something...

ALARM went off at 8am, shower, get ready, go to worrk. Saturday at the mall was pretty damn busy, nothing unusual. Off at 5. SESH? Nope, too tired. Still did a bit of groovin' though, haha gts on the train. Yeah so what if people were watching, they enjoyed it ! Had to stay dt.. went to chapters, BOUGHT A BOOK! wow me! Picked up. Hello BigBurr.. no drinks for me thanks. Family Guy was pretty histerical. Can't wait until i'm legal! We'll keep in touch, you'll see.

Yep.. just another saturday.

Sanks RAWB for the MashHall tee!

It Just Feels Good

Walking early in the cold,
but sunny morning to school
Getting to school right on time.
Finishing the day.
Strolling in the rain
with an umbrella.
Dressing up.
Looking pro.
Going through a good interview.
Getting hired!

All of it.. just feels good. Here I go again, trying to do as much as i can, putting all this pressure on myself. It's all within reason, but i just know its going to get hard at times. Working at Big Ridge durring the week days, Aritzia on the weekends, School through the whole week, Dance Team every Tuesday and Friday, and Sick Stylz every Thursday & Sunday. Damn...

But through all of this, and knowing what it's going to be like, i'm really happy i got my sht together.

'Cause you know... its not worth it unless you're happy.

Ode to You

I could quote the whole song "Just like a Star" by Corrine Bailey Rae, and dedicate it to you,

but i think it would sound a little vague & cliche. So here...

"Just like an angel off the page,
You have appeared to my life,
Just like a song in my heart,
[I'm] honoured to love you.
Still I wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
With anyone but you,
[& still] we do it all the time.

It's not a secret anymore,
'cause we've been through that before,
From tonight I know that you're the only one,
I've been confused and in the dark,
Now I understand"

Now i can honestly dedicate this found poem i've created from her, that song. I mean every bit of it.
There is a lot we both take for granted in this relationship. But there is even more in this relationship that we take into consideration. We do not realize it now, maybe because we don't always see it, or say it. But that's what i love about us. We don't need to say it, or always show it, because we already know deep down how we feel. Every once in a while we still stress each other out about silly little things, but that doesn't effect us. No it does not. We find our solution and we leave the rest of it behind us. We get through a lot don't we. & look at us now, we're strong as hell ( well maybe you more than me.. haha you know me). I have my weak spots, but i can say that i have gotten much stronger than before, and i can honestly say thank YOU for making me like this. I don't need to analyze every little detail and over think everything. You helped me, and I thank you. But through everything, i still want to show you my all. That i'm worth sticking around for. Not because i have to prove myself to you, but because i want to. Because i think this would be a good time for that. You said before "the funny thing is, you haven't even seen the best of me, and i haven't seen the best of you... yet.". Well, let me show you. I'll be doing so well that you will think that its the best of me.. but then prove to you that it gets better. Haha.. it's weird, becauase you're making me want to do better, and making me feel happy just by thinking about what things will be like.. and how things have been like. Optomistic, like how things used to be.

Lastly i want to say thank YOU, for inspiring me to write like this again. To write with a purpose. Yeah.. you inspired me.

Hate you Homeboy.
Ode to this CITYSAND,
Ode to US,
Ode to YOU.

On another note...
this is really awesome.
Watch it.





PS: If you all didn't already know, today is in fact the last day of Summer. Good bye Summer.

FCK, FCK, SPEND MONEY

This is exactly why i don't want to talk about this shit with you.

I don't want to hear it.

POSTSECRET

This is it.

Last week before school.

Tomorrow i'm meeting with the councilor and choosing my cources. What am i going to take? This...

1.english 12
2.math 12
3.spanish 12
4.elite performance dance 12
5.drawing & painting 12
6.ceramics & sculpture 12
7.media arts (photography) 12
8.(adv?) drafting & design 12

This is exactly what i was waiting for.
Can't believe we're already getting lockers on thursday. Finaly, i get the big locker this year, though many may think i don't need it, i do. I'm pretty scared to go to a new school all over again. I'm going to get lost, and people are going to think i'm in grade 8 or something. Back to being "The new girl". Even though i am scared, i'm also pretty stoked. New classrooms, new teachers, new friends? Yup scared & stoked.


Summer went by really quickly. Well at least for me it did. Didn't seem like i did much, but let me try and re-cap.

JUNE
-sleep overs
-vv shopping
-dragon boat festival
-sickstylz practices
-interviews
-picnic @ 2nd beach
-leo was here!
-swimming at anthos
-neks bbq

JULY
-beaches
-night rides
-movies
-got a job
-more swimming
-sessions
-verns bday/splashdown
-neks/cupcakes :)
-training
-wedding
-more sessioning
-more movies
-got students
-moved out
-goodbye jamie!

AUGUST
-shopping
-celebrate me&he birthdays
-reds
-sickstylz session
-GSM!!!!!
- etc...

Summer seemed so much shorter, but closer towards the end things got more intense.

Honestly i felt like i was going to die last night. I've never been so messed up before. I was scared out of my mind. So lost, so alone, so out in the dark. It was insanly scarey! But i barley remmember doing the things i did. As if i watched everything happen in a show and i just remember it like that. I can still feel a bit of it at times. I don't want to have that feeling for the 3rd time. The 1st time was enough, but last night just brought the 1st times memories back again.


This is it.

summers (practically) over, new schools begining, and things are changing,

I'm starting to like the rain :)




______________________________________________________________________

i miss my long hair :(

Jamie you really DUN it this time

Hahaha okay, so its not QUITE a "DUNny" but Munnies are close enough ;)
I hope you're enjoying europe. Remember not to bring me back a keychain, like the many others haha. HAVE FUN!






"This is how I'm bringing friends to europe with me :)" -Jamie Jane

"Low-key"

Hahaha!

I'm really out of of the loop.

Woo paid! Feels pretty good.

QUOTES FOR TODAY

"Low-key"
"Goo day"
"DON'T PISS ME OUT!"
"Get off me girl!"
"Summer Buddies"
"I have a lot of white hair"
"Perfect!"
"I'm a little girl, not an LG"


HUMM good day (Y)

Basketball meets Football

How funky is this..




My sister just bought a pair of each for her boyfriend. Thats too funny.

BRAND NEW SH*T

Wow i forgot what shopping was like.


UPDATE LATERRRRR

alright i'm back.
i should be sleeping right now since i open tomorrow morning but i just got home and i've been meaning to get this edition out for sometime, but i just needed for this to happen 1st.

Here it is. So many things have been up and coming in my life, and good things too. New things. Been going through new things, feelings new feelings, getting new gear, doing new ish, and just feeling fresh ( yeah yeah i know "feeling fresh" , very over used but thats honestly how i've been feeling). Life's good. I'm happy. I can say that, and know that its so true that it feels good to say it. When someone asked me how i was doing this week, i told them like i usually do and said, "i'm good" and thats when i had an epiphany. I realised that things are good, not the greatest, not amazing, not super, but good. Good as in happy, as in satisfying, as in taking everything as it is worth and nothing for granted. Life is good.

I've been keeping organized with my life. Having my schedule is a big deal to me. With out it i'm a bit lost. Yeah sometimes i have to work in friends into my schedule, but it works out and i make the most of my days off. I had too much time on my hands before starting to work. And i was pretty stupid with it. But when things go according to plan, its like you have nothing to worry about cause things are going the way things are supposed to. Not that i wouldn't mind some inconveniences along the way cause it could be handled, but it just feels better that way.
With this whole planning thing, i've been having my own time as well. Now i'm making my time worth it.

Missing my usual hobbies so i thought i should get back to that. Especially drawing. I understand i lost my touch with words, so i don't exactly bother trying to write anymore. But i keep practicing with my drawings and doodles. And as for dance.. well i've been practicing in the studio here and there, so im good with that. Haha i made a new move yesterday. Its a pretty fly move. I'm proud. But i think i'm already over rating it haha. :)

And now since i've been getting back to myself, i've also been realizing things i should have realised long long time ago. I guess i already knew it, i just never took the initiative to take self control and do something about it. But having this time got me thinking. Thinking about how i react to things, or actually how i shouldn't be reacting to things. Seeing the differences between my NEEDS and my WANTS. Thus showing me how i should strive and think more about my needs and leaving my wants to being only a privilege. Again, not taking the things that i want and have for granted.

Going on with needs and wants, got me thinking. I think i would like to see a major debate about "is money really something we need in life?". Now that would be a crazy debate (man i miss philosophy class). I think money is something we DON'T need, but in today's society its almost mandatory if we want to survive this crazy world. But i have to say, i like having my money. It feels so good to be earning it again :) ahhh. I feel just a bit more free when i have a bit of cash money on me (shiit eh, looks like i still got my writing skills, haha ;) only joking.)

Alright so i must confess, i haven't been spending my money as wisely as i COULD be, but i meen its my 1st paycheck in a LONG time. "what chu want me to do, i'm sawrrie". But seriously i almost forgot what shopping was like. Constant new clothes. Ahh boy it feels good. Lots of compliments, haha make me blush and ish, shoot, stop it ;) okay .. go 'head. Haha.

OH and lastly, BRAND NEW HAIR CUT!
SO i finally cut my long hair. Oh my. I've had long hair almost my whole life. Almost. I've always wanted to cut my hair short. I said it almost every summer of high school, but i always kept putting it off cause i kept saying that i wanted long hair for grad. But i went to grad this year had my hair long luscious and curly so why not for my grad have it completely different. Why not right? It'll be something different-ish, and new-ish. Haha, well at least not typical :)

She tied my hair with a rubber band, like a low pony-tail. Then she braided it, and then tied the end with another pony-tail. And then, she started to cut. All i could hear was the sound of my hair being cut off. It didn't effect me until the last cut. *CHOP* and my long hair was all gone. Right then my heart sank a little. Honestly, i felt it. Haha it was so weird. I was already shocked with how short it was when she cut it off, and then she started cutting more! Oh man, i just kept thinking to myself, it'll look better in the end. And well it did :D haha i was a little bit insecuurr about it at 1st, but the more compliments i got, the more i felt good about it. Each and everyone who has said anything about my hair made me feel a little it more better. Thank You! But the biggest thank you to my ATE. Awesome birthday gift. Totally worth the 70bucks. BIG UPS TO CHASTHY, the artist with the scissors and AXIS for the location.

Anyone know where i can donate my hair?

Anyways its hella late and i got to get some rest.

New Shit
New attitude
New look
New Me

& proud of it.

here we go again

from a distance

off work.
off at a spontanious station
off topic
off noises
off in the distance
off lights in the sky
off my mind
i wish i was there
but then again
i rather not.

THANK YOUS

#0: JENZEN N. "wii/mansion"
(jenzen, you were a tad bit too early, haha but thank you)
___________________________
#1: "JOHN-JOHN" S.

#2: MIKHAIL L. "asparagus!"
I LOVE MY CARD <3>

#3: CHARLIE S. "birthday buddy!"

I need pepper spray!

KING GEORGE STATION

guy: hi there you filipina?
me: uhh, yes..
guy: where you going?
me: work
guy: oh i just got off from work, i'm a roofer
me: ohh...
guy: so how old are you?
me: old enough to ride the skytrain ( WTF?! why did i say that?)
*beep beep* (i recieve a text msg.)
guy: ohh, so you have a phone?
me: *nods head*
guy: you think i could call you sometime?
me: uh haha no its okay.. ( HAHA I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY!!!)

TRAIN ARRIVES

me: *i walk in trying to get away from the guy, so i sit in a one seater*
guy: *guy sits right behind me*
me: *turns on my ds and starts listening to music and texting* (TRYING to look like i'm to busy to talk)
guy: so where do you work?
me: *ignor* ( i look through my phone, try to call SERENA, stupid girls phone is off >:(, looking through my phone again... I DON'T KNOW WHO I COULD CALL !!! )
guy: Yo Parray! *calls up his "flip" friend & taps me on the shoulder*
me: *ignor*
guy: here just talk to my friend on the phone he just came back from the philippines
me: uh, no thanks
guy: oh common! hes on the phone just say something
me: no, its okay
(I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO :S)
guy: *taps me on the shoulder AGAIN & passes me his phone* Here just add you're number in, common.
me: *ignor* (texting/listening to music)

after that time i think he just about got the msg that i didn't want him to call me nor talk to me. FINALY he got off at columbia. PHEW! Eff i need pepper spray! :(

i wasn't like this..

i wasn't like this before i met you

when we started seeing each other thats when we were cool
i think we were at our most chill and self state
and thats what made us want to be together

things were so fine and with the rough spots we went by
we'd argue and fight but we'd make up like it was no big

we got through the HARDEST sittuations.
you know all that stuff we've been through
i doubt that any of them have done

shit got real hard and it took forever to patch up..

well we thought we patched things up

it was more like a hole in the wall and we just
put a poster over it
yeah things may look good
but the hole is still there

and ever since.. you've somehow acted on it
things always came back up again

i really wish i could have done so much more
just to fix everything
but there was nothing left i could have done

things never went back to being the same
like the days we 1st chilled

especially those late nights with your cousin
and my sister
haha, those were good days

but things change,
people change.
but you can't control change
change controls you

its really hard to see that
we've both changed so much

i used to be chill
i used to not give a what
but being with you changed me
everything we been through
changed me

now i'm this.

and you.

you've changed too.
sometimes i don't know who you are
when you say those things you do
i try not to believe that you've become
that person

but then i realise that..
i've changed you too.

we've changed together.
but grew apart.

kinda ironic isn't it?

but who knows
maybe we'll change again

we'll change, but when we're apart
and maybe we'll grow back
... but together.

but we will leave that for the future
cause we still have to work with the present

i'll let the past be in the past.
and maybe tomorrow
will be a "new" start to the future.


___________________________________

nts: you can't change the past.

july22'08

and if you're loosing your high then smoke again

VIMBY - One Step Beyond: Talib Kweli

GET EM' HIGH!

_____________________________________________

i could go for one right now.

you know its kinda nice waking up to it, i guess. and walking around with it outside, and just seeing it every once in a while. but i've honestly haven't been able to spend time with it. like common, i'm trying why can't you? you're the only one that makes me truely happy, no questions ask, and you don't even have to do anything but come out. honest truth, i don't think i could ever be mad at you. i love you and miss you like crazy. seriously, where have you been dear sun? PLEASE SHINE DOWN ON ME :D Oh mr.sun

thats not the only thing i miss. i have no more time//energy to dance right now. you don't even understand how much it sucks. *sigh*

come 2 weeks, and sale season will be long gone :) i'll get a breezer and just chill, relax, and be out in the sun. come to think about it in 2 weeks i'll be older... though i know it, and people are mentioning it, it still hasn't hit me. still i contemplate on if i should or shouldn't celebrate this year. i really don't feel like planning anything. ahh.. right now, i stand at no.

1st day went by fast, but i'm...

DRAINED

g'night

"what chu want me to do? i'm saaaarrrrie!"

-S.C.

Oh man. FINALLY, i have a purpose// i have a job. haha sad huh? took me long enough, but i did it, and i'm doing it, and doing it with pride. already they got me on my toes and taking up my hours, but that's kind of what i signed up for. i don't want to waist my time staying home so much anymore. i'm tired of that. anyways .. job+me=good to go

lets see, heart's feeling quite happy.
satisfaction=happiness
we'll k.i.t citysand

SO its july, and its coming near the end of the month. hum.. how is this going to work? start packing in aug? or end of july? or maybe when he's on vacation? days are going by to quickly. F!

oh but should i even celebrate? who should i invite? where?... HONESTLY i kind of don't want to. i don't feel like planning or any of that stuff. i'd be nice, but i'm not feeling the planing part.

DAD GOT A NEW CAM! :) fun

tired.

shit's gooooood.

pardon my french

I'M BACK :D

FINALLY
sh... damn what a break through for me :D

TMR?! OH MY GOSH nervs? only a little kind of
FUN?! yes please :D

why am i still?
i need a way out

WHY SO SERIOUS?!

Oh but i'm not, i'm just not showing how happy i really am :)

So i'm always the photographer, never the one in the picture. This is the only one i was in for today.. out of like a lot of other ones. & there's my big happy smile. NOT! Eh..

Today was fun. I was happy. I was really Happy. Sun was out, slept away the drama, eating my meals, getting out of the house, spending time with you, being a little active, had a slurpee, got a ride home, eff you transit, home before dad got mad. Yes, so today i say was a really good day. You know, just another summer day. I hope i get more days like this. No, actually, i know i'll get more days like this. Maybe sometimes better. Yeah, better ... :)

I LOVE WAKING UP TO THE SUN. One of the best feelings ever. Like being in love or something, you just feel SO happy. Things that automatically make me happy: The sun, chocolate, you, sweet surprises, music & dancing. <3

LAlalalalalala..lala.. i love summer.

REALITY CHECK

i'm still 16?

:(

i don't feel like i'm 16.

Just another day of summer

so if this is summer... why is it still raining? pretty soon elementary schools are going to have to change all those poster/card/pictures off the wall of which month has what weather. july will have a picture of rain, and so will december, and so will april. yup, kids will now know that it rains all year. what is the weather coming to? i hate you rain.

___________________________________________________________
sht keeps getting more confusing errday but i be breaking my temptation

haha who talks like that? not me but its the truth

____________________________________________________________

Musiq soulchild - Forthenight

She: Yeah thats cool, i understand what you're saying, but i just got out of a sittuation.
He: Word
She: And i ain't really trying to get into anything serious right now, but we could chill. You'na mean?
He: Well how about this...

Let's pretend for one night, I'm the man in your life
And we do the things that lovers do
All the loving u like I give it to you just right
Theres nothing less than special when it comes to you
See what we have is understanding
That works so well for how we are
Cause neither of us has the heart to fall in love all over again

Even though I'm not your man and I know you're not my girl
But let's just act like it's that way tonight
Now I know u got your friends and you know I got some too
But let's just act like you're my lady tonight

Now what I like about you
Is that you're always so cool and comfortable whenever I'm around
You're some one that I can talk too
No matter what I'm going through
I call on you cuz I know you'll always be down
See what we have is so incredible
That we'll never find in anyone else
This thing that we share is so unbelievable
That I want you all to myself

Even though I'm not your man and I know you're not my girl
But let's just act like it's that way tonight
Now I know you got your friends and you know I got some too
But let's just act like you're my lady tonight

This song has the perfect beat for this kind of feeling :)

"No one ever really dies"

I hope that's true. This was said more than 5 times tonight, and i kept thinking of how it would feel to be up there. You know, not really alive but still living. I actually hope that i get to go there before all the people i know do. I say this because I know it'd be so hard for me to say good-bye.
Just like it was tonight. I didn't even know it was supposed to happen today. I wish i did though so at least i would know what i was in for. It took the longest time for me to get up there and see him. Seeing other people cry make me cry. My weak spot is my emotions... i'm so sensitive. I'm glad that all the people around me are still healthy. And i'm glad that he is in a better place now. I'll be praying for you. I just hope that all the rest will carry on and get though this okay.

RIP Lolo Leonardo

You will be missed

I love you Joe Larot!

BEST PART > 00:48 - till the end

a trip before july

They say the 3rd times a charm. But it officially worked on the 4th. Haha i actually felt it. Right when the door opened, oh man, everything just started turning, my mouth was hella dry, and i was so happy. What a trip. After the 2nd time that night i was just so tired, and it was only like 11 or something. Kept bobbing my head back and fourth cause it felt like i was on a ship hitting the waves slowly and gently. But i kept my cool. Though i could barley open my eyes, so i just walked into the closest room, and just crashed. Can't believe i slept so early! Sorry i took the bed guys. Hope i didn't miss out too much. Oh man. What a funny trip.

I want to go back on vacation :)

______________________________________________________

i've been carrying around this weight for too long. i'm tired and hurt from the pain that i got by keeping myself from letting go. this weight has been dragging me down and i let it do so for to long. how did i not realise i should have let go a long time ago? It was worth it while it lasted but it actually only lasted until i became unhappy. This weight... just stays there, and doesn't bother with a thing, but i do so much just to keep it here with me, but if i left this weight behind it will not follow it'll just wait for someone else to take it. I guess its better if i leave it behind because i wouldn't have to hurt anymore, and i wont have to be such a bother, because i think this weight is better left to do its own thing. One less.

.

.

As I look at what I've done

The type of life that I've lived

How many things I pray the father will forgive

One situation involved a young man

He was the [city] and I was the sand

He stole my heart like a thief in the night

Dulled my senses blurred my sight

-Lauryn Hill

_________________________________________

i miss her, but can't see her.

ASSHOLES (summer crew)

shitty ass problems
fck shit.
screw this...



FUCKING LOVING SUMMER

tin&kylie... :) goodtimes
lets have a not sleep over again.

love you girls

THATS ALL WE NEED, YEP.


look what you guys did to me!
I'M CUSSING. oh no :(

you know what it is

MI FINE DE SEMMANISIMA

= my super weekend

this would have to be the best weekend so far.

thurs19-sun22

POINTFORM

thurs.
-*went to school/worked on doc.
-headed to gford
-*chilled with the boys
-wendys
-court
-*sickstylz! :)
-mcds
-homefree
fri.
-headed to jh
-chilled with the girls (imt)
-shopped for na's grad .ish
-swimming @ kitts
-ians palce
-*yellowreebokclasics;thanks (sere)na
sat.
-*did na' hair @ 5:30 in the am!
-*dragon boat fest. - face painted
-tired as hell!
-stayed home for the rest of the day
sun.
-Jolin's BDAY!
-chilled w/jerome before shift
-*dragon boat fest. - more face&body painting
-*visited by: serena&ian, miko&karl
-headed to ginos
-*bbq w/SICKSTYLZSYMPHONY
-homefree


* = ELABORATE

[thurs]
jel, our doc. is looking so sick. i'm proud of us :)
i never heard so much trivia on comiscs before. So much about MARVEL i never knew.
man you don't even understand how much i miss dancing. this skinny a** mirror in my room isn't enough

[fri]
okay, so it was me & serenas first time going into valuevillage, though i've been wanting to go for some time now, just not alone. we look around and i find this really goodlooking purse for 8bucks, hella cheep, and hella gorgeous! was planning to get it until serena and i check out all the funky shoes they got up on the racks. and what do you know, serena finds a pair of bright yellow shoes in the kids section, just as we were about to make fun of how bright it was, we realise they are high-top reebok classics. & what do you know, THEY WE'RE A PERFECT FIT! we practically jacked the shoes cause theywere only $6.99! thank you serena for finding and buying me last years birthday present. haha i love you bestfriend! (as if we don't say that enough, right?) HAHA!

BESTESES

[sat]
man for one practice on friday night, we did a pretty good job on picking the hairstyle. honestly its was a little fluke on how good i made you're hair look, especially considering we did it at 6 in the am. when do we ever sleep early, and wake up early? NEVER! i guess that was another 1st for us. anyways you looked gorgeous!
oh my gosh, little kids are SO CUTE. i met so many interesting kids from facepainting. some had the highest voices in the world, with the biggest eyes, and the strangest questions and the cutest remarks. it was funner than i expected.

[sun]
like i said before, so many interesting people. only the people from sanfran asked for big body paintings. one guy asked for a butterfly on his back, haha it turned out nicer than i thought :) yay me. i'm pretty sure he liked it, he said he would even have that as a tattoo, haha! another said he wanted a dragon! oh my gosh, i have no clue how to draw a dragon rather than paint one. but i still made an attempt. wasn't bad, again turned out better than i thought haha. yay for me.

to the people to made it out to visit, thanks :) haha it honestly made it so much better. last hour of my shift was the best! i painted snoopy&woodstock on mikos abdomen, painted a lizard on karls forearm (i think) and put tats on all of us. haha gts.

maaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn, sickstylz bbq was so dope, but we were missing SO many people! that was a seriously long ass play-list with the craziest beats! sessioning like thaat.. i felt like i fell in love all over again! you feel so free, and so right when you hit thoughs beats. HAHA GINO our new move, we're so going to battle one day ! SERIOUSLY! mann, oh mann, oh mann! can't wait for friday ! WOO OPEN STUDIO!!!



What made my whole weekend was the sun peaking through more often than it has in the past few weeks.


I LOVE YOU SUN, please stay all summer.

my sunlight on a rainy day

Cirque Du Soleil Corteo

wow! I don't think i'll get another chance to see something like that again. Unless serena & i go see it when we go to vegas! But i have to say that was amazing! I loved every min of it. Its something you can't exactly explain, you just have to be there to know what i mean. My favourite part was the midget lady was floating from 6 GINORMOUS helium filled ballons and she just walked/hopped on the crowds hands as they raised them when she was coming by. My mom & i had fun :)

Sun's out; now it feels like SUMMER

1) Happy Fathers day! - bbq/rockband was fun with the males of the family, but the real celebration is tmr.

2) Congratulations Jamie Jane, I can't believe you're leaving at the end of august. But know for a fact that I'll be visiting. Your celebration was fun. Frick I want a lap-top, and A LOT of free money from strangers.

*on the phone*
p1: So what are you doing?
p2: ...
-long silence-
p2: Who me?
p1: no I'm asking my door...
"There's your sign"

Haha that's good hick-comedy. I'm going to miss just watching TV for hours with you.

3) SYTYCD pt.2 - The new "jabba" group from the west side with all the breaker boys got me thinking. Before i actually saw them perform i thought they were cocky-ish, and i wasn't too fond of them. But i changed my mind once i saw them break. Okay, it was pretty damn hot, kind of a turn on :P I think i like them :)
Sucks for Jeff Vs team. I thought they'd go further but after watching their routine compared to the others changed my mind. Too bad.

4)CSI - i don't like the re-runs after school. I've seen all of them like 5 times by now. Sundays are a good day to watch because of the marathon, and late at night on weekdays. Guess I'll stick to that since it seems like I'm missing out on the newer episodes. I'm not liking the New Guy. Grisom's "replacement" or something like that. He's so sketch. His stupid flashbacks ruin the feng shui of the show, which is why i like the show. So the change sucks, they should just keep the CSILV squad as is. No more new characters please.

5) I shouldn't talk when I'm intoxicated. Sorry.

6) Opened up the water colours, and experimented a bit. Eh not bad, but i think when i plan it out like i do in class it ends up SO much better. Mom's framing the one i finished during class, I'm still waiting for it to come back. I should start getting together my portfolio :) - Excited for school

______________________________________________________

Picture this...
There's a cliff.
Bottom of the cliff is a farm
Top of the cliff there's the city
Edge of the cliff is a boulder blocking the city

Now how would you feel if you were standing on the edge of the cliff waiting to get to the city because you rather not live in the farm?
You see the farm is safe. You do your work, you get things done, but its just not as great as living in the city would be.
In the city you got everything, things are better than safe, things in the city feel more right.
Sure there are going to be some political problems and such but you deal with it.
But see I'm at the edge of the cliff. I met my halfway just by climbing that cliff, but all it is now is the waiting game. Waiting for something to happen for that big boulder to move out of my way so i can get to the city. Climbing there was hard enough, but waiting for something to happen is so much harder than you may think. You'll never know when that something you've been waiting for comes, or even if it will come at all. You stay there and you starve, but you don't want to miss your chance. You start getting impatient. Everything starts getting to you. You think about going back down the cliff, but you rather wait and TRY to be patient rather than miss your chance.
But for some reason you start to question everything again and again, even though you KNOW you're going to stay. It may be cruel, but its what i chose.

Think about it.

what's with all this fine print?

when you see fine print, it's all that stuff
you don't want to read, but you got to read.
the "check of these.."
the "guarantees"
the "this is your own warranty"
the "make sure of this.."
and "don't do these.."
while you listen to Lupe sing "stack that cheese"
you're reading this
but you mumble these
words that you don't really seize
or care to think about
so you just breeze
through the fine print
that all just a tease.

-1.24.08/11.52-12.03

Teach me

first and formost i'd like to say...

I'm proud of you.
You walked the stage,
you officially graduated,
you finished highschool.
stay on the optomistic
side of things.. Love You.

_____________________________
i wish i could be gone for a while :)
i missed it when i was on vacation.

*sigh*

you only get it once in a life time

And there it was.

Prom

Yeah it wasn't my prom night, but it took me so long just to do my own hair & make up. But it was worth it in the end. I'm really proud of you. Its funny how you kept stressing over credits when you already had more than enough. Each of those credits earned by every class you've been in since grade 8, or you could look at is as 5 years. You worked hard throughout high school and this was your weekend to celebrate. I hope it was just as good as you expected it to be, you deserve it. Hopefully i was a good-enough escort for you. I really did enjoy myself, and i'm glad i stayed for 2nd semester. I have no idea what it would have been like if i didn't stay, and i don't care to imagine. I know i've only been in your life for 2 years, but it almost seems like i've been there ever since, and I hope those 2 years means just as much to you as it does to me. I guess what i'm trying to say is..

thank you for being a big part in my life, and congratulations.

charli baltimore

love the way she talks

its just not working

you know this whole under pressure, last min planning, late payments, contradicting arguments, over lapping plans, force of rebel just isn't working for me.

i honestly can't wait till these couple weeks are over.
i don't even care right now, i just want to get it over and DONE with.
with or without the fun, rain or shine, just let it pass already.

this stupid position is making me so angry. by the end of june i believe i'll be .01 balance, stuck in the house, looking out the window watching the rain pour down while thinking about how badley global warming is hitting us since it would be july in about a week or so.

____________________________________________________

i need more practice on the road.
i don't feel like celebrating this year.
i just want the sun. please!

i think its the only think that doesn't make me mad. sun.

10 bucks all day

june 22 08
drive dance
i'm there

hard to please

honestly i think i am a little hard to please. i know, its not the best thing but i mean i think everybody is hard to please because everybody wants different things in certain ways. everything is going to be hard but in different amounts. the thing is you got to find a way to adapt and find the effort to make the adaptation. no kidding it might just be the hardest thing in the world beacause you may just be completly opposite, but its up to you to make it work.

so yes i admit, i am hard to please, but to make it work, its got to be 50/50, and i'm not going to let things slide.

i've become stronger and i know i have control of when to say "no". so when i do, which isn't very often, take it in a good way. take it in a way where no is good, for everybody & not just me, trust.

____________________________________________________________

i can't create a good drawing anymore. where'd it go?

so much going on

so many missed oportunities

so many walls to hit

give me a break

i think bad luck is just falling right into the leos laps

seriously, i don't know what we did.

but we must have done something

cause it seems like we're paying for it now.

sorry to see you like this.

i wish i could do more,

i'm already doing as much as i can

love you.

If you could...

... take away one feeling, what would it be?

I would take the nervous feeling away.
__________________________________

i'm probably not, cause i'm too short.

how fking great is that.


*sigh*

Good Love

Hey, I'm looking for... "Good Love yeaah"

Met a lot of women now they all tore

Ran through 'em all but I'm just not sure...

"Good love, I like that baby"

Yea... We gon' fight but I think that's just... "Good Love yeaah"

1st Class flights, almost home but I... "Just can't keep still"

almost home free

may long weekend, was hella long, & i LOVED it

-ians burday, tan po po
took forever, but food was good

-1st drop-in, at drive w/marc leslie & stew
got icecream from MARBLE SLAB
(peach icecream w/frozen strawberries ;SO GOOD)
hit up engrish bay & had some greek

-birthdays bbq with the cousins
party with 1/4th of sss

-aunties birthday brunch
MAD shopping in poco :)

ANOTHER weekend gone by, and we're just that much closer to summer. can the weather just stay like this please? Lola's birthday last night was good. Happy 79th! stay healthy <3 The day was so nice.. it was warm all day. not too hot, not to cold.

i got less than a month less.. *sigh
i can do this.
when its over, i'll be homefree

at least until sept...
Me? a sullavin girl ?
we'll see how i fit in.

moving houses will be the worst part
.. not exactly looking forward to that
i'm sorry :(
I'll still visit! i promise :D
___________________________________________

dads back from hawaii tmr.
i want to go there :(

why do i even question it?
i know it just leads to no good.

FCK!

i just want to get thingss straight
and know whats going on.


the heats getting to me, and so is the time

it's all on you mr. weather man

did you feel it? did you? yeah it was the sun :D yeah.. a lot of shii was a bother but it didn't matter cause the sun was out. "i'm so happy, its sunny" - marc, haha told you the weather can effect a persons mood, especially mine. i'm still ill, but i could still breath, and as long as i'm breathing i'm living, and more living means more time to enjoy the sun. did it not feel like summer today? it was like i was sampling what summer was going to be like. Ahhh. Still got problems to deal with but i'm looking over things and only taking the important situations into consideration. I finally got control, and most importantly over my anger hahaha, you can get mad, but watch me, watch me not care, and watch me watching you look stupid because you're getting mad over nothing, and you're the only one arguing :) ha!

this will be one hell of a busy long weekend.

30 degrees baby!

i'm ready

it took some time, but i did it.

How Far?

"How far will you go to prove to me that i'm wrong,

Show me that i'm strong,

By your words; through a song?

You see so much more in me that i can't see in myself,

Like i store it on a shelf,

But you make me bring it down by myself.

You make me go through those hard times just so i can realize

Those lies,

That i've been tryn'a hide

Deep inside

That i've been tryn' to escape.

So i can't fake it to the world,

You see i am your girl,

And nothing else matters in the world,

Except that you are with me.

Then again i ask you,

How far will you go

Just to let me know

That you'll still be here when i'm down,

Tell me

How far will you go?"

-03.11.07

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Look how far you went. & for me.. i made it this far, why stop trying now? I'm thankful for the pushes, for the forgiveness, for the arguments, and for the discipline. I needed all of that, and i'm thankful for it too. There is too much in the past to forget about in the future. I cannot go anywhere else but forwards from here. I'm not going back to that, i just know it. Just like i know that i'm going to prove it to them. I can't exactly explain, i just know. I just hope that you know too.

I can only be angry with myself, because thats who put me here