A TASTE OF SUMMER

Yeserday I was very fortunate. Sam & I had switched shifts so I had the day off. Last block of school was dance elite/spare so I left early with Bryan because he too had the day off extra early. So we decided to enjoy the rare beautiful day have a small taste of summer. Actually icecream :) New icecream/gelato place in the newton area, =\ i forget what it's called. I think it's because i hardly get any sleep anymore cause of the crackberry. Less sleep = slow working mind. Anyways the icecream was real satisfying. But since we didn't know what else to do with the gorgeous weather we decided to watch a movie in my basement. Haha total opposite of soaking up the nice day. BUT it was cool. I believe that was the 1st time watching "Gone in 60 seconds." Angelina was skinny, blue eyed, and blond. Looked a little bit junkie but she kind of pulled it off.
The sun was still out by the time our movie ended, and actually the sun didn't go down until around 8:30.. it made me smirk a little. Just knowing how close summer is, and what's going to be coming up makes my heart smile.

AppleJui

ceBackgr

oundMus

icShorts&

Sunglass

esUnread

TextMsgs

Heatfrom

theSunCr

eamsicles

Selah

sehlav/say-love

understand that I need my space. But don't think that just because I said no doesn't mean that we can't be friends. I need you to understand that when I say no, it simply means no. Don't over think it. But when I give you the green light, I don't want you taking that as an invitation to a "crowed my space" or "call me every second" type yes. Surprise surprise, a yes is simply a yes. And thats all you need to know.

Actually there's one more thing. If you want to talk to me, just say so. You don't need to make an excuse about something you forgot to mention, or something you made up. Its unneccesaary to be playing games with me. Your intentions are clear, but you already know where u stand. I'm not going to explain myself everytime you push it. Know where we stand. Everythings pretty clear and litteral.
K.I.S.S. = keep it simple stupid




Selah/se-lahv/saylove

"hey hun"
"sup love?"

the way the words are spoken

the flow of sweetness to my ears

it doesn't mean much but it is something new

makes me smirk, and bite my lip

'cause i'm lost for words

and i choke on my own breath

all of this really is nothing

still, it gives me that open door to reality

that its not over

happiness is right there

you just got to let it in.

thanks for knocking on my door.

oh btw..

thanks for giving me that boost of confidence,

i'll keep making those.. *ahem* you know

haha make me famous ;)

A SPECIAL MENTION

You're a true leader you know that? Even though we only stepped in for 10 mins or so i got a lot out of watching you take over like that. It's been interesting seeing you grow into what you are now, even though it has been from a far ever since I moved and changed schools. From checking you out from a far when you were in metal works and i was in woodworking (haha gr8), to watching you write poems in orca lane when we'd be hella early for school, to hearing you out at poetry slams, to making your own shows at school. I'm proud to have a friend like you. You may not know it, but it is a true inspiration to watch you evolve into who you are and what you have accomplished today. I'm proud of you. Keep doing what you're doing cause your good at doing it. Haha :)

FA ; "FRANKIS"

-selah/se-lahv/saylove

______________________________________________________

Oh baby you, oh baby me, oh maybe we..

I really feel like making choreo to this song..
with Joe L. as inspiration <3>

SO SIMPLE

...perfect weather

Its so beautiful outside. The sun is just singing for attention and the wind felt like rocking steady today. The rain, hail, and snow decided to go I vacation and thats fine by me. The weather is almost in complete control with how my emotions will swing that day. But today was a little different. I felt that special high from the sun, and dressed up a little differently, but i wasn't able to be as happyas the weather was telling me to be. The happiness was forced through today, I'm going to have to admit that. I wasn't frontin all of it though. I pulled a couple genuine smiles and cracked a few laughs that were burried underneith the hurt and anger. My emotions, my thoughts, and the atmosphere just wasn't in sync. Clashing to make me believe that I was feeling one way but I was thinkinganother. But its not like I was acting out of the norm. Was just feeling off edge.

The sun is gorgeous. Okay I cracked another smile : )



Selah
SeLAH-v
Say love

CUPCAKES, SPOTS & SHIPS

Generation Girls - Kucha's - Noodle Parties

Missed you girls. Its been a while hasn't it. You moved into your new place in Sept and yesterday was my first time there. Haha it has been long. Last time we ate cupcakes was that last time we were were in Guildford. I had to get home still "full" on cupcakes. Freaking out cause I couldn't control myself, haha scared to death "Nek I'm going to die, nek i can't control myself, nek i feel like I'm in a game!" haha that was so funny. That was the day you gave me your pepper spray, hoping I'd get home safe. I did, but was hella paranoid haha. Yesterday gave me flashbacks from that day, but i handled it. It was probably all the breakfast food from Dedutch was what held me down. So good. Anyways I missed you girls.

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Blogs are spots to let you talk about what ever you want. A lot of people use it for spots to let their feelings out. "Honestly expressing yourself ". I can't do that here. That kind of stuff is personal. I rather not have my feelings and personal life out in the public for people to read and talk about. My real blog spot is here.

______________________________________________



Hearts are in different places

Minds are set at different paces

Words are being thrown out in the open with out going through the mind.

Everything that has happened, happened.

So I'm accepting it, and looking forward.

Stepping back so you can breath.

I put you through a lot,

and that pushed you towards hate for me.

I wish I could say sorry for how big this problem came to be.

But it actually wouldn't matter would it?

I think that friendSHIP has sailed,

and i just watched it go.

Not in hate, nor sadness,

not really in confusion either.

Just amazed how far and fast that ship sailed away.

I would have preferred if that ship never set sail.

But the passengers were just waiting for that anchor

to be dug out from the sand it was buried in and let free.

That anchor that held it back..

I guess you could see what that anchor was.

Everything that happened,

happened for a reason.

That's the way i look at it,

and since i look at it in that way

it is helping me accept everything for what it turned out to be.

you know when i said "i still.... & always will" i ment it, & still do. takecare

not since GR6

I didn't see this day coming back. But it's official. The Parto sibling's are now living under one roof once again. This hasn't happened since i was in the 6th grade. It took a total of 6 years of moving from house to house. Shall i map it out..

gr.5
mom's house: ryan, vanessa, & me
dad's house: -

gr.6-9
mom's house: ryan, & me
dad's house: vanessa

(half of grade 9 i moved out)

gr.9-11
mom's house: ryan
dad's house: vanessa & i

gr.12
mom's house: ryan & me
dad's house: vanessa

but as of today its back to
mom's house: ryan, vanessa, & me

and my dads living with his girl, as well as my mom's bf is living with us.

amazing isn't it? i really do love my siblings, though i don't speak of them very often.
My brother Ryan, who is 5 years older than i, had recently got his first gig for DJing at C..C... uhm i forget the club. Its a strip club during the week, but on the weekend its a night club. The other day he was telling me about it. Explaining to me how many compliments he was getting, and i could tell just from the glow in his face and the way he told his story that he was proud, and i was proud of him. He's really into his music. His expertise: HIPHOP-HOUSE. Its the new thing my friends, get into it. You'll be hearing it more often. This is he..

DJ DEXTER

By the time i'm legal to hit up the clubs he should be DJing for the bigger clubs, at least the ones i'll remember, or know of haha. Well at least i hope. From what i'm hearing from other people, and how he scratches at home i know he's got the potential. I'm one of his biggest fans. Yah yah shadddup. I love my kuya : )

As of my sister, well she's doing big things too. Currently working at ULounge in white rock, she is def one big indepentant diva. Sometimes its a bother.. but shes my sister, that's what shes there for. Shes soon going to be bar tending at nightclubs.. or thats what she implied. Either way shes doing her thing and doing it well.

Then theres me. Still underage so i'm not all up in that club scene but my time will come. And when its my turn i'll be dancing on the floor like there's no tomorrow. Or at least thats what i think i'll be doing. Who knows, maybe i wont be so into that clubbing scene hitting up the clubs every weekend, club hoppin', drinking till loose my memory. We'll thats not for another year and some, so we'll wait till then.

_____________________________________________________

SPRING BREAK! no no wait...

SPRANG BROKED!

Where'd my moniez go?
Still waiting on some incoming cash flow, and i get paid on wednesday. So i'll be good after that. Didn't realize that my Spring Break would be this busy. I thought i'd just be going thru with day-by-day sht. But nope. I got a schedual and i'm still trying to fit people in. Weird, that never happens haha. Well i guess its better that i'm keeping occupied. I wouldn't want to stay home anyways. My mind thinks too much when i'm at home, and not always in a good way. So this busy thing going on in my life is a good push away from the usual overthinking side of me.

SB OVER LOOK

fri:
-WORK

sat:
-KARL's BDAY!
-JOJO's house class at Harbour
-WILL's house - CUT TYRONES HAIR WOO!
(but gino obviously went over it haha)

sun:
-SSS practice
-ME TIME

mon(today):
-ME TIME
-BIGRIDGE STAFF PARTY! ****

details shall we?

All staff members who were planning on going met up at BigRidge at 6. We all got on our bus and had some drinks. It took a lot less time then i thought. Or i just was enjoying it too much to notice how long the actual travel was haha. We got there and it was getting cloudy. So as soon as we got our cards we ran to the go karts since they were outside. Luckily for our group we got to go first. The last two groups got it bad. The snow came pouring down so they were soaked by the time they got back in haha! Played some DDR, bunch of mini games, DEAL OR NO DEAL and (saved the best for last) "BUMPER CARS WOOOOOO"! Hahaha that was the best part of the whole trip at CASTLE FUN PARK. The ride back was pretty fun too. Many of the staff members were still pretty drunk so they had some interesting conversations. It was almost like being on a party bus just without dancing. Oh how i miss party buses. Our bus was playing Family Guy, so that was another source of entertainment adding on to ppl watching on drunk staff members haha! Now i know how they are outside of work haha. BUT big ups to the man of the night BOSS CHRIS/ MR. FUNK. He was more cool with everything then i thought he would be.

I love BigRidge!

OBAMA meet SELAH

1st time for everything

i got to shave a part of bry1's hair today! woo

TRAINING DAY!
BAD ASS MOVIE
(as in: it was so so so good)

kept my mind occupied...



:( for a while at least.


we're going to make SB worth while!
Alice in Wonderland & Book of illusions here we come hahaha!

Hearing a lot of

"HE SAID..."

"SHE SAID..."

"BUT DON'T TELL THEM I TOLD YOU THAT..."

If something is known that I should know, don't tell me unless I'm allowed to know or I'm allowed to say something about it. Even if its something you think i should know the truth about, I rather not know. And if you do tell me, and its something that is effecting me, don't expect me to keep my mouth shut. You lost some-ones trust when you told me cause you broke a promise to keep your mouth shut, so it is bound to come out in some form of karma.

I just don't want to hear it, or deal with it. So i rather not know.

_______________________________________________

IDC weekend was an eye opener. Found out a lot about the members of sickStylz, and got another source of inspo. I had a real good time. I was happy with how it all went down, with the good and the bad. It was just a perfect amount of both sides. BUT i'll save the details for my "dancelife."

_______________________________________________

Been disconnected this whole weekend. So i haven't had a chance to read what everybody has been posting. But it looks like not a lot has changed, i'm glad i didn't miss out on that much. 

hum... i'm actually not sure where i'm going with this.

new topic 

Back to reality: 

-once we got back, it all started going down. the same bs. don't need it, don't give it to me. 

-this will be my annual day to repent  ; i'm sorry ; i'm ashamed

-BILLS BILLS BILLS

-what money?

-due dates, projects

love isn't reality, it is..

something i'm just not feeling right now. 

bad vibes 

intentions rise

damn

i just want out.

its so early right now, i haven't eaten breakfast

and i don't know what i'm saying. 

"I'm just a [girl] whose intentions are good, oh lord please don't let me be misunderstood"

TREAT YOU GOOD

Heard you and your man was beefin'

Thought I should come and see ya

To find out if you needed anything

Was wonderin' if you need a lil change

I've been knowin' you bout forever

I was thinkin if we got together

It just might be the truth

Perfect for me and you

Now looky here I got somethin for you to hold

And I don't care who may see it who may know

Cuz' I want ya so bad

And girl you know I'm a g

So I aint takin no for an answer Cuz' I would like to see if we could

[Chorus]

Kiss a lil bit

Hug a lil bit

Touch a lil bit

Maybe rub a lil bit

I'm the man of your dreams you know that im me

Baby can't you see I treat you good

Just a little

Kiss you on your lips

The ones past your hips I wanna keep it hood

Just a little

The one like he aint

Do things that he can't I wanna say

I like it I like it I like it I like it I like it girl

Lemme hear you say

I need it I need it I need it I need it I need it boy

[Verse 2]

Is it wrong to feel like this

Is it bad to have you here

For you I have much respect I don't want you to regret

Steppin up at how you do

Even though you know it's the right move

Even though you know it's an upgrade

Even though you know if you know you wanna stay

Looky here I got somethin' for you to hold

And I don't care who may see or who may know

Cuz' I want you so bad ooh

Girl you know I'm a g

I aint takin' no for an answer

Cuz I wanna see

[Chorus]

Kiss a lil bit

Hug a lil bit

Touch a lil bit

Maybe rub a lil bit

I'm the man of your dreams and all that you need

Baby can't you see

I treat you good

Just a little

Kiss you on your lips

The ones past your hips

I wanna keep it hood

Just a little

The one like he aint

Do things that he can't

I wanna say

I like it I like it I like it I like it I like it girl and if you nedd it

Lemme hear you say I need it I need it I need it I need it I need it boy

[Bridge]

Do you have the time to stay tonight

Ohhh ohhh ohhh baby

Do you have the time to stay for life

Woahh Cuz our lovin was good

Girl by now you should know

There's no way

I'm gonna let you go

I don't mean to bring the pressure

But girl I'll be a fool if I up and just

Let you go

Girl you know

I wanna treat you good

[Chorus]

Just a little

Kiss you on your lips

The ones past your hips

I wanna keep it hood

Just a little the one like he aint

Do things that he can't baby

I wanna say I like it I like it I like it I like it I like it girl and if you need it

Lemme hear you say I need it I need it I need it I need it I need it

Boy do you have the time to stay tonight do you have the time to stay for life

K.I.S.S.

Past few days have been reaaal good to me. I'm not even sure why, but my cheeks have been hurting cause i've been smiling so much. It feels good, it feels so damn good. Maybe cause the suns been peeking through, maybe cause schools been light, maybe cause my moms been understanding me, maybe cause IDCs coming up! Oh mann LG... as in Life's Good! : )

I'm seriously loving my Lit class. We have one of the best teachers. Mrs. Winters. First class I had with her I was very intimidated! Not going to lie, she looks like an evil cartoon character.. like she could be Cruela Devil. She even does the red nail polish and sometimes lipstick. She's def not afraid to call you out on ANYTHING! But over all shes real chill. After she's done teaching us what we have to learn she'll give us a break. She'd be like "okay well i don't want to start anything new so you guys can just chill, just don't kill each other" and there would still be like 20mins left of class haha. But no even the work is pretty fun, but at the same time we learn what we have to know. We get the best of both worlds.

Last day we had our student teacher come in as well. Our group of 3 had to understand this poem, really didn't catch my interest, it was the end of the day, and I just wasn't getting it. We were going through it with him, and i kept over analyzing everything. That's when he said it. K.I.S.S. which meant Keep It Simple Stupid. Haha he said the phrase first so i was a little dumbfounded when he called me stupid, but then he said "K.I.S.S." and explained. Haha, i thought it was pretty interesting, and very catchy. Oh lit12.

Blk B / Dance Elite / Spare ... what ever you want to call it, is getting more interesting every block. A few blks back we started to bring back old games. WAIT hold up, even before that we had a huge rant about "pickuplines" haha check out the video on FB! But anyways i brought up the "BEAT 1" clapping game. We ( who ever knew this game) tried to remember all the beats and taught it to the rest of the blk. Then the next blk we had we learned the rest of it, and also brought up the "AHHH BIIIG BOOTY BIG BOOTY BIG BOOTY UH HUH AHH YEAH BIG BOOTY UH HUH" clapping game. Hahaha so fun. We had the biggest circle made in the hub and just were yelling like we didn't care. Mann our thighs were hurting from slapping them. GOOD STUFF.

ANOTHER REASON WHY I ENJOY WORKING AT BIGRIDGE:
So I was bussing Friday night, and this family of 6 comes in. They are one of our usuals so I've seen them come in before. And so Kaela (one of our hostesses) seats them down, and passes by me and says "those kids love you," and I was confused. I didn't get how they "loved me" haha. There are 2 little boys (twins) around the age of 4/5, and 2 little girls at the age of 6/7. As i was bussing around the tables around them i noticed them looking at me smiling and giggling. I thought it was cute, but a bit awkward haha. So i went to go run some food to their table. As i did so their dad spoke up and was like "you see these 2 girls, and these 2 boys here? Well they love you. As soon as we walked in they were like 'shes here, shes working again!'" Throughout the night the one of the twins kept eyeing me throughout the night and smiling and waving. I thought it was the most cutest things! Then as i came by the table his dad was like "okay go give it to her" and he gave me a flower he made out of the Wiki sticks we put in the kids menu boxes. He was so sweet! I had the biggest "awe" look on my face said my thank you and gave him a hug. After i did that his sisters were laughing and said "ha ha your so happy" and were teasing their little brother. As they were leaving their family was at the door and the little boy came up to me again, and his dad gave him that extra push once again to say what he had to say. So the little boy came to me and asked me if i was going to be working again next week. HAHA IT WAS SO DAMN ADORABLE! I was so sad because i had to tell him that I wasn't because i was going to be in Seattle, but i told him that i would be there next week. Again his sisters were teasing and said "haha you got sad!" and they too made me little gifts out of their Wiki sticks. It really made my night. Haha that little boy is going to be one smooth guy with the ladies :) haha!



SHOUT OUT TO MY
SHORTIE BOO BIG BURR**
a.k.a. RAWB ,
waahhhssssup?!
thanks for not coming with me to get my shoes
and going to the states! Hum.. so much for making
your tattoo! Haha jk. KAY happy?!
better bee hummmmmm


saved the best for last:
*I.D.C. IN 5 DAYS
*NO SCHOOL FRIDAY
*SEATTLE ALL WEEKEND
*DANCE DANCE DANCE
*SICKSTYLZ 1st TIME OUT THERE
*DUO [ CAS&CARMEN ]
*FRESHGROOVE&PRAISETEAM
**ITS GONNA BE HELLA FUN**

Sup love?

Today I was late for skew. WHY? Well cause I thought that I pressed snooze but accidentally turned it off, oops. We had early dismissal today, so I was pretty happy. Double blocks of Art, lunch, and then double blocks of Photography. I love wednesdays.

Art was productive. I stuck to the usual routine. Come in, sit at the tables, set my stuff down, grab my piece, my tools, the ink and that extra sheet of paper, plug in my ipod, check my phone, msg back anyone who's msged me, and start working. Once I start I try not to get myself destracted cause I don't like starting a project and then loosing concentration. I'd had a few mistakes on this piece already because of my carelessness and misconcentration. But sht happens. Can't wait till its done. I'm actually pretty proud of it :)
SO FAR THIS IS WHAT IT COMES DOWN TO...






LUNCH PERIOD : was spent in the dance room. Riz & I just kinda chilled, listened to music, and caught up with our sittuations, kind of.. haha.

Photography class has been real productive now. I got a lot of shots taken for the "ME & MY WORLD" project we've been working on since the begining of the semester. I guess i could say i'm half way done, but I still got lots of editing to do. Its amazing what you can do on adobe. I've learnt how to use the auto____ buttons today. Haha one of the most easiest things and I didn't really know it existed till today. Makes life a lot easier. We have to take at least 12 different photos, edit them and make sure they have a certain photocomposition to go with it. I've got 5 completed so far. The other pictures are already taken, they've just got to be edited.

Its pretty cool when you look at the before and afters right beside one another. There's one that isn't up here because a certain someone isn't comfortable with it being posted up. Haha i'll get it up eventually but for now these 4 will be available to view.





AFTER SKEW headed to guildford. Missed my 1st bus cause it came early, and what do you know, it was SNOWING. I wouldn't be surprised if we had a tornado come in. Weathers that messed up. But I caught the next 341GUILDFORD, half an hour later. Got to JH by 3:20 or something. Funniest thing happened on the way. I was so stuck on my crackberry that I wasn't watching where I was walking, and then me and my umbrella crashed into a tree that was very low! Haha I felt so embarassed i stopped and looked around to see if anyone saw me. HAHA nobody did! Well at least from what I saw. I rushed into JH cause it was so cold and walked into my exschool. Ahh I miss is so much. Did what we do best. Stayed in the caf and chilled there for quite some time. We played MAFIA. Haha I was the mafia almost everytime! I don't like being mafia, i couldn't come up with good reasons for why i wasn't the mafia haha.





Oh well. Ended up heading to Guildford, eating in the foodcourt, then headed home. Mom didn't know i ate out, so she made me eat again! HOLY, my body cannot take that much food in one hour, but i did it.
I got to stop stuffing myself and indulging in every thing i crave..... CHOCOLATE. Haha everyday.. its horrible. BUT ITS OKAY cause i'm starting to "workout".. not really, just kinda do some things in the morning or before i sleep. I stay fit somehow. But one day my motabolizm will drop. But thats not today so who really cares? :)

HAHA k BYE

Right now

Very into house music right now. Its all I hear at home cause of my brother. But I love it. Its so easy to pop to, actually free style in general. Yeah, house music... Its good!

Saturday was fun?
details and pictures will come soon enough.

Right now my body feels all shaky. Like I drank an energy drink. But I didn't I just was stretching for a really long time and I feel very strange. Awkward actually. Guess I should sleep/ rest. Bye

Right now

Very into house music right now. Its all I hear at home cause of my brother. But I love it. Its so easy to pop to, actually free style in general. Yeah, house music... Its good!

Saturday was fun?
details and pictures will come soon enough.

Right now my body feels all shaky. Like I drank an energy drink. But I didn't I just was stretching for a really long time and I feel very strange. Awkward actually. Guess I should sleep/ rest. Bye

No more

first and foremost, i want to say that i need a major update. but times not on my side at the moment so i got to put that aside for now.

So here it is. Yeah, this is no more. Not saying that i want this. I don't want it to be like this. I want it to be the exact opposite. But forces aren't going to let that happen. I never wanted it to be going down this road, but here i am walking and trying to hard not to look back. I still do and i let little things slide by and excuse some circumstances, but i guess i shouldn't be. You know it too, that's why you do the things you do. Its better that your not letting me in. Even though i wish you would, i'm glad you don't. I fully understand the situation. The way I'm handling it though is another story. Been strong enough to save that roll of toilet paper i would have wasted and bathed in while i slept. Been strong enough to bite my tongue instead of say all the things running through my mind. Been strong enough to keep going with my daily routines with out letting myself get sidetracked by this dilemma running through the back of my mind, and the bottom of my heart. Happiness wont come in on its own. I got to let it in and not block it out with this "lock of problem" i hold the key to. I really hope you know why i did this. Why i'm doing this. I don't want this, but its just how it has to be, unless we really want to keep sinking into this mess of re-runs. Cause if we kept going we'd be locked in infinity. We both know that. Well at least i think we do...

I do miss "[that] type love" (shihan). Remember when you showed me that? And that time you also showed me "every woman." back when things were simple, things were sweet, things were happy. That was then. This is now, and that's what i miss. Or or remember when your parents gave us that talk in their room? Or even when you picked me up every morning before school. Or how about that time "CitySand" was born. Damn.. okay okay i got to stop, i know. Okay hold up, last one...
When people used to ask us how we made our relationship look so good. No drama, no stress. PDA was set at perfect pace. People envied our relationship. We held it down, you got me, and i got you. Or had..

But no more. We know our place. We're friends. We're good. I got to understand that meaning of friendship and hope i don't cross any lines. Haha it happens when you let your feelings get carried away. This is whats right, and what has to be done.

Still do
Hate you.

SUNday

One of my favorite days of the week. WHY?

Because:

its SUNday

Sickstylz Practice

& cause its the end of the week.. or is it the beginning? humm, either way its good.

_______________________________________

I did it!

I pulled out the summer attire! 

Nike blazers
TR shorts
AA white tee
La Riva jacket
H&M shades
Hairs tied up, ipod plugged in

I'm set. What's up summer?

SO FAR SO GOOD...

(i haven't been able to finish my thoughts in my blogs latley. Why? cause i would have to get off the computer, but i'm going to get it done this time.)


All day, i knew it was going to suck, but at least i didn't feel sad. Not until now at least. Slow songs start playing, but i can't seem to turn it off. This is torture, but i'm holding up. No tears so far, no major pain, just a bit on the down side thats all. Only an hour and a half left...

Woo saaahh, i got this.

How do i describe my emotion in one word?

*SIGH*

yup, that would be the best word.
Not letting it happen, nuh uh.
Okay, good job cas. Still an hour and a half to go...





sucks.

a bit of sun, a bit of sand, a bit of city, a bit of avacado, a bit of chocolate. Sall i need. Yeah



PS: "HE's just not that into me"

i mean her ;)

GOOD MOVIE - very "chick flick" but also funny
WELL RECOMENDED

Drama Love & 'Lationships.

SHIT WAS GOOD up until yesterday. 1st week of school, i didn't miss a class for the entire week. But friday morning i was late for class (first omen). 2nd block comes around, (dance elite/spare) and we did sht all. As this spare goes on, we all got to talking. Then i found out some bad news (2nd omen). This news really killed it for me.

DIDn'T FINISH THIS BLOG EITHER

FLASHBACK

"And uhh any way you can catch me any day sippin' hennessay.. // .. I'm sitting on the side of the curb with a pocket of herb.."

Was sitting here with Carmen looking for some songs. Thats when we came across this song right here "Make it hot" by Nicole ft. Missy E. This was one of the first songs where i made myself learn the lady rap parts. Haha those lyrics will be forever memorized by heart, seriously. Even though i've known this song since.. gr.5 (about 7 years ago) i've never seen the music video for it till this very day....

DIDn'T FINISH THIS BLOG

INDULGE; THESUN&AVOCADO

woke up underneath a pile of unfolded laundry. why? because i didn't want to put my clean clothes on the floor, and i was too tired after work to fold it all. throughout the day i spent majority of the time organizing my whole room. my dunnies are finally back on display, no more hiding in that shoe box, you can see the light. speaking of light, the SUN WAS GORGEOUS today. the whole time i was cleaning my room i was just listening to music with my windows wide open enjoying the presence of the sunlight shining in my room. you could imagine how good it felt to feel the sun again. it really is almost a cure for my emotions. i know its cliche, but I LOVE THE SUN! ahhhhh 

after all the organizing and folding, and 'advantage taking of the sun' i headed to work. dressed up all pretty cause i was hostesing tonight. as i was standing there looking like a hostess, i was watching the food go by, and i saw that salad i had last week. the one with the chicken, goat cheese, and avocado! then i started to crave avocado. well not just avocado, avocado milkshake! so i asked graem (floor manager) if i could buy a full avocado from the kitchen. Head chef said yes, for 2bucks! kinda expensive, but at the end of the night graem didn't make me pay for it haha. So i asked the bartender if he could blend it up for me. you know, avocado, milk, and ice. then once he gave it to me i added 7 packs of sugar haha :) i know its a lot but its so good, if you tasted it you wouldn't complain! everybody in the kitchen, and almost all of the staff was wondering what the heck i was doing. making an avocado into a drink?! haha ohh white people.  they thought i was crazy and that it would not taste very good. HA i proved them wrong. they got all curious on me and gave in for a taste. even boss chris liked it. it was actually better then i usually make it. i think it was the blender. either way it tasted good, and this little asian didn't look so crazy to the caucasians anymore :) and thats the moral of the story. 

.. haha JK

TIMES ARE GOOD

WOW 1st semester is DONE. Have you noticed how sunny it was a few days ago? It honestly felt like summer. It made my spirit just lift up throughout the day. And now that we are currently going through the semester break (no school right now) i've been feeling like its summer. Done with school, no homework, or test to be worrying about, doing sht all during the day, and just going to work. It's all making me anticipate summer. By that time i'll be out of high school. OH MY, i hardly look like I'm out of elementary ha ha. But its all good. 2nd semester is going to be FABULOUS! History- not a problem, art- "[i] can do what ever [i] like", dance- should i even explain?, and art again - :) .  Times are good.

my phone is pretty out dated (1st blackberry created, you know the one that looks like a blue brick ;) and my plan is ending on the 25th of nov. SO i got it renewed today, so i have a new data plan by mid-night, and my new phone (bb curve8900) should be coming in the next 3-5 bidnuss days. YUP. after 3 years, of switching from a silver razor, or a pink razor, to this outdated blackberry. FINALY!

BTW "LOVELY BONES" by ALICE SEBOLD,  is such a good read! 

WELL RECOMMENDED!

DIET - mine is horrible. i've been eating A LOT lately, its not exactly effecting me, but i know the stuff i've been eating is just not healthy. You know, pizza, chicken chow mein, high5 (chocolate cake), and all that BigRidge kind of food. And i eat so much of it. I feel that i should cut a few things out, cause its just not healthy! Everyones saying that one day it will hit me, and i'm just waiting for that day. Maybe then i'll actually create a diet for myself haha. BUT until then i'm going to enjoy my fatty foods while i can :)

i cannot get enough of my high5 cake. everybody at work always asks me "Cas, are you getting your usual tonight?" and for a while our restaurant ran out of my cake! They told me that the restaurant never used to run out of the high5s until i started working there. Haha i've had a piece of high5 cake almost every shift i've worked. Its horrible. Haha :) Oh well.

OK so listen and watch this.. SO VERY GOOD :) makes me happy haha. ONE

TRAVIS MCCOY, BE MY VALENTINE?

SO NO, i didn't go to lilwayne&tpains concert. Yeah i missed gymclassheroes :(
when will they ever come back? I don't know, but i hope its soon.

Isn't he just ... <3, yeah he is =D


was searching up Rles. and found her. Shes so cute, so good, and i'm so jealous haha
but i love this video. kind of "addicted"... if you were a Ryanleslie fan you would get it ;)

CHECK IT OUT.

currently chilling at work sitting in table C. Yeah my table :) haha and I'm waiting for my food to arrive. It is my first time odering this 7oz. Halibut so we'll see how this all works out. I actually haven't hosted in a while. I got so used to busing it was hard for the first hour alone. Hosted with Richelle tonight. Always fun cause she's hillarious, especially when she zones out! Always makes me laugh. Its was busy tonight , as every Saturday night is. Huge line at the door but obviously Richelle and i ripped it up. Shoot we could handle anything. So there's a new busset in town. She's in her 20s I'm guessing and there is just one thing that bugs me about her. She does my pet peeve! You know, when a stranger calls you "sweetie" or "hunnie"... IT just REALLY gets to me. Its not like you really know me that well so why are you calling me that? I don't understand! Other then that one thing she is extremely nice and sweet.

So I got my dinner. Ummm sauteed halibut is a very yummy! And these mash potatoes are buttered up like crazy! Sooooo goooood! Who ever made this made it with love. I can taste it! Hahaha

This really is a useless blog to read but I am inasanely bored.
One of the best things about working in a restaurant is the unlimited drinks! Fricken icetea all day non-stop! I love it!!

I'm in a good mood :)

This fish is really good.

I feel like dancing.

Haha ok I don't think this specific blog could be any more lame. So good bye.


Oh and yeah I have another blogspot! Its not replacing this one. This blog (selah) is for my blogs that are more about daily ish. You know what ever pops up in my head kinda ish. And my new blog (dancelife) is well basically my blogs about what's going on with my dance life haha pretty self explanitory but yet I still explained it anyways, wooow lame! Haha so check it out, it looks kinda cool but its still in the making!

This is my dancelife! Enjoy

MAIN LINE // LAST CALL

So after 3+ months of working at BIG RIDGE i've only recently learned the meanings of "Mainline" and "Last call." Well actually, last call is kind of a give in, but okay i've just recently found of the meaning of mainline. I thought they meant the same thing, and just had like a fancier name or something. But i was wrong. Mainlines when the grill is pretty much down. So no steaks or anything like that will be cooked after mainline has been called. For people that don't know that already haha. Stupid intro for a blog, but w/e :)

Yesterday Jan 3 09 :
My day off oh work. Thank goodness cause last weekend i worked from friday to monday. ERRDAY OF THE DAMN WEEKEND. So it was nice to have a bit of weekend, even though its winter break. :) So I got up, and went on the computer. Couple friends from work wanted to eat out. Where did we go? What do you know, to WORK! Haha yeah we ate at BigRidge. I guess i didn't mind because i didn't have to work, and since its literally only an 8 min walk from my house. I didn't have plans until later that night anyways. After LINER i went home. Basement is pretty much finished now. Our theater is now working (or supposed to be, but my brother messed up the projector) and the furniture is all in place.

Today Jan 4 09 :
Woke up around 1020, convinced mother to let me go take another class at harbour. Met up with Marc, and we took Eric's hip hop class. He made his routine to a new song by Mims, and most of it was krump. Hella fun. Worked my body like crazy. After class Marc & I headed to the Scocia bank dance centre. We were just taking on of the classes so the one we were on time for was Popula's class. My muscles are kinda sore from poppin' and my arm muscle feels messed because i hit it to hard. Guess my little body isn't as well shaped for poppin' like it was before haha. It was cool seeing the Groovy G's again. I'm surprised they remember me.. they noticed i got shorter :(... well i'm not sure if its true, but thats what everyone says when i haven't seen them in a long time. Populas class was good, but i think it would have been better to take Jr Boogaloo's class due to his creativeness with choreo. A little more widely ranged.

I love taking drop ins. Its like.. when someone feels frustrated about something like they just got into a fight, or something just ruined their day and they need to go out for a drive/walk or eat .. well thats like me but instead i use drop in classes for that sense of relief and some sort of that sense of "high." It just feels so damn good.

This winter break i've taken 5 classes.
2 at harbour with carmen
1 at drive
1 other one at harbour
& 1 at the scotia dance centre

GREAT PLACES TO BE PEOPLE, GET OUT THERE!!

A total of $77. Some people might think that thats money waisted, but thats $77 dollars worth of 5 classes well spent. It all depends on how much the spender enjoys their class and takes as much out of it as they can. & thats exactly what i did. YAY ME!

I can't get enough of this dance life. No matter how much ish it gets me in. Its ALL WORTH IT.


Speaking of things being "all worth it." I think i must lay some things down.
Sht keeps happening huh? All of this is pretty bad, but we've gone through worst. But this is still pretty bad. We'll get past it. Actually you know what. This is one of the worst that we're going through. Maybe not situational wise.. but "mentally" wise. We've pushed and pulled and yet we're still hanging on. For a little bit i though this thread was going to break. But nope. I was wrong. This isn't a piece of thread. This is one thin ass wire, that looks like a thread, but just isn't going to break. This thing we've got going on is to strong for it to be broken. Like i've said before, this is all pretty damn bad right now, but it will all be worth it. We both know that. We just have to make it like that. And try and keep it like that. You know, make things work. I'll be working on myself.. my bad unnecessary habits, but as long as we know that we're both down for each other, then i think we'll be just fine. Our worst might already be behind us, so lets keep our head up, and keep looking forward. It'll all be good. You'll see.


[take a listen]

Soo young, but soo good <3

js: thanks for showing me

2nd day of 2009

So my 2nd day of 09' went almost according to plan. Woke up pretty early and headed to drive dance centre to take stu's class at 12. On the way Jel picked me up and we skytrained together since he had work. I was supposed to go with Serena but I forgot to call cause I didn't think she was actually going to come. Then sleepy head Shellaine wasn't awake yet. So I went to the class by mysewf. Once I got in and there was like 15 other people doing the class. Intimidation... Yezzzur. Stu's choreography was hella fun! There wasn't any class after so we got to just mess around. After the class we ( Stu, Leslie, and one other girl that was in the class ) went to eat at moxies downtown. Stu had to pick up a couple friends from the train station. When he came back he came back with Joe and Mike from Supreme Soul. Yeah so the six of us were just having dinner at moxies! Yeah! Haha I was pretty stunned but it was cool. =)

Got on the skytrain and headed home. I got home at 5 and changed as fast as I could and got to work at 5:05 haha late 5 mins but nobody saw ;). Work was pretty slow for a friday night. A lot of the times I had nothing to do, not even fold napkins we already had to many. So after a slack night at work I got home at 11 something and then passed out very quickly cause I was exaughsted.

So for the 2nd day of 09 it was pretty damn good :)

First day of the year

So I'm sitting in this chair watching the tv ( sorta ) listening to michael Jackson, just chilling and thinking about what I'm going to do tmr.
today I didn't do anything besides going to my cousins house and chilling. But tomorrrow I'm going to take stews class at drive and then I'm going out with my dad to buy him a fish and coral for his tank at home. Then I got work at 5 prolly till 9 or 10. Then if I'm allowed I'll be heading over to neks place to " eat cup cakes " =D haha.

Peace out 08! You won't be missed.... That much.

2008 was filled with good and bad. But it seems like bad has over powered yet again.

Let's try to remember some good first.
Late cab rides home :)
Late nights with the "assholes"
Late dance sessions in random spots
Late fights at night that ended in the hardest but best ways <3
Sickstylz outtings, practices, and parties.


Haha I can't remember anything else thats worth mentioning


So if I start mentioning bad things ill be on here forever.(okay maybe used a hyperbole but you know what I mean .
again peace out 08' you won't be missed... that much.



09 will be my year to gain my wings.

DROP-IN-CLASS

So I took a couple drop-in classes at Harbour Dance Centre, and I haven't taken a drop in class before. The 1st one was fun and a bit of an icebreaker and this video here is of the 2nd class we took (we as in Carmen & I ). I enjoyed myself taking these classes cause it was new to me. Near the end of the class after Richard had split us up into groups he did one more thing. He called me out and told me to dance with him =D I was so honored to do so. I guess my efforts paid off. It was my time to shine. I've hit Pride Rock (THE LION KING YEAH!) .  Thanks Carmen for taking me out there!!

anger management, NO THANKS I`LL BLOG!

*RING*

Wow, i haven't felt that good about hearing an alarm before. The mens rea of what the alarm means; what it will bring. TWO STRAIGHT WEEKS OF NOT ATTENDING SCHOOL WITHOUT GETTING IN TROUBLE. 

You know its always good when there`s an ending. Since there`s always going to be a new beginning. Like the end of a fight. Or the end of school, or the end of work, etc. etc.. Endings are just good.. cause you know what`s coming up. Well, most of the time.

Anyways...

This winter break best be good. You know, a lot of sleeping, a lot of good times, a lot of memories maybe, a lot of ``Hey whats up, its been a while`` and all that good stuff. 

The prior weeks have been hell. I think this has been my worst year with me and my parents. If i had a dime for everytime i`ve gotten in trouble. HA! Wouldn`t that be something. But don`t misunderstand. I don`t like getting in trouble or do it on purpose, or proud of it in anyway. I hate it actually. The guilt the most. Thats what truly hits me. Thats when i stop, thats when i know my limit. When it hurts so bad, that its not even an option anymore. Its just an automatic STOP, DON`T BE STUPID. You know the whole `fight fire with fire` is total bs. Say i was the 1st fire, if anyone were to ever try to ``fight`` (metaphorically speaking) me with my own medicine then i`m just going to go crazy... (not metaphorically speaking, some of you know what i mean). But if you were to use a different method (say `water`again metaphorically speaking) then i`d be like oh, damn i shouldn`t have been so stupid and crazy. My bad. Its just the way things are you know. This equation has been proven many times. And i bet that you can think of a situation where you`ve been in this kind of method before. Don`t lie. 

OH THAT REMINDS ME!

Do you know how much you piss me off. A lot! You should have said something. If there is ever a time where we cross paths and somethings up at the time. Don`t be shocked to see me up in your face. I am not afraid to speak up and direct. I`m not going to pretend that i like you, or that you don`t bother me. You do. So if i ask you something, don`t front. Cause that will just make me more mad. 

HUM.. i don`t think i`ve ever publicized that side of me. Or have really shown it to anyone in person (besides that one time). But yeah i`m not really like that. Only if you do something thats going to distract my daily life routines. Then yeah, its going to bother me, and you`re not going to be on my good side. 

So winter break. Well tmr i`m supposed to take a workshop tmr with Carmen. Lets see if i make it on time. And FightBeforeChristmas is tmr too. I`ll probably be attending that. Have my moments of  `hey! i haven`t seen you in a while, whats up` and all that good stuff. And lastly do some Christmas Shopping. Gotta make my list tonight. 1 down, lots to go. 

Oh and to you guys in bed. Just tell me why, or why not. Don`t say something and don`t give me a reason. Cause im not going to believe it. Im not going to say anything TODAY.. cause you know. Thats just not cool. But i`ll wait a day or two. I`ll be civil. Theres no point getting worked up over this. I shouldnt have been surprised, but for somereason i thought you guys might have changed. Guess not. Sleepy heads get out of bed, start living in the real world.

humm.. that was an angry blog. Oh well. Someone cheer me up. 

2ND COUSINS SAME BLOOD

JAMIE JANE / CASANDRA  / BRIANsummer of : 04 05 & 06
(i think? haha :)

Rocked Loves Balance

We're just to good to be true. So we're false. A false misunderstanding to what the world may view us as. But not to what we view and know ourselves as. We know what's going on. We don't have certain titles to document our storyboard. But our storyboard is written in ink. Ink because while everything happens its stays like that forever, and we cannot go back and change things with just an eraser. In this life, there are no erasers, just mistakes. But thats what conclusions are for. Conclusions that usually come with a solution. But just because there is a conclusion it doesn't always mean that there is going to be an ending. We seem to find conclusions that never really leaves anything behind. And then later on what ever baggage we had before we add more to it and go back to things we've already gone through. Yet we find more solutions that we haven't found the first time. I don't know how., but we just do. Lets try not to carry this baggage anymore, lets try not to rock loves balance. We know more now than we did the 1st time through. And we're still learning. So no matter how badly unbalanced this love becomes, the 2nd time through will make it all worth while.

PHOTOSHOOT samples

click to view larger version in a new window

Flight of the Conchords

It's pretty funny.

I've been having creative blocks and it completely disables me from making any good ideas for my big art projects. So i've decided to go back to basics. Meaning, doodling in class, and simply testing out other things. 

Engrish 12 - All we did was watch group presentations so its not like this distracted me from anything important.

I call this one "Trapped in my room" because i was at the time i created this. I like water paints. But I'm not quite sure if they like me just yet... 

(and yes i know his hand it messed)

I've been doing some more doodlings but they're on the covers of my binders.

I'm getting there.

To love is an active verb.

//I love the city.

//I'm in love with the sand.

Friday; Trying to weigh out the pessimistic side of life

The hardest part of the day now is getting out of bed. I don't know exactly why this is but that's just the way it goes. But today was harder than usual. Last night wasn't a nightmare. It was, just unreal. I woke up feeling so shtty that I didn't even want to go to school. I knew that I would feel even worse if i didn't go, so i went anyways.

I was supposed to get in early to finish up an assignment that i needed to hand in. The time it would have taken me to walk to the bus stop wait and get to school would be the same amount of time it would have taken me to walk the whole way. So i saved myself a dollar seventy-five and took a nice walk in the morning cold. It was actually starting to wash away my morning shtty feeling. But i still felt pretty bad.

Worked on my assignment before 1st bell rang, and went through BLK.A finishing up the same assignment. I got it finished on time to hand in for BLK.B. English wasn't as bad as it usually was. I actually don't remember what we did in class, but at least it wasn't bad enough for me to remember, thats the only part that matters. Humm, my memory seems to be getting worse. I'm starting to forget things much easier :( . As i was saying, english was alright.

Here we go, LAW; CHAPTER 5/6 TEST. I was not as prepared as i wanted to be, so i took the time to lock myself in the library during the lunch period to study and take some notes. Luckily for me it actually Helped. I believe there were only 2 questions that i had guessed on, so i am almost certain that i'll be getting an A. It was getting closer to the end of the day, but even with the day being filled with things to do I was some how unfortunate, but able to remember the shtty feeling that started my day.

With all the extra little zone out moments i had to myself all i would think of is how am i going to fix it this time? Till an hour ago i still had no clue. I wouldn't have figured it out if you didn't call.

I really wasn't expecting a call from you anytime soon by the way things ended the night before. All i knew was that like trying to get sober, this dilemma needed time. But i guess it just really needed productive use of time. You thought things through more genuinely than i have. As if my brain had hit a wall and made like it was in "writers block".

I have to say, i really look up to you for making the call on this one. I wasn't expecting you to be as civil as you are. I understand that you are doing better with making your decisions based on what will work best, rather than letting your rage of emotions decide for you at the moment. You're really making things more clear for the both of us. And it really helped take a load of my shoulders, probably more than you think.

I still have the right to feel shtty, but you being the bigger man about things are making me want to feel shtty in a good way. I know it kind of contradicts itself, but thats the best way to explain it right now.

You've said it before, but I want to say it this time...

"[You] got [me]"

you really do.

Good job cas, Good FUCKING job.



do it again. I DARE YOU.
Don't even try, you'll just do it again anyways right?





I don't want to be that person anymore.
How do you change a mistake you don't
even know you're making? I'm helpless.
No.

This will be fixed.
I will help this.
There will be change.

I can't say how yet, and I can't say when.
But i'm sure of it. I am.

I p.. i pr...



.. you know the rest.

Wow i hate procrastinating. 

HATE,... not dislike, HATE

what's wrong with me?

stop thinking.

What's the good in goodbye? 

Nothing

Especially when you don't really know when the next time you'll be saying hello. 

BYE

she said what i was thinking

It's not so easy loving me it gets so complicated all the things you've gotta be. Everything's changin, but you're the truth I'm amazed by all your patience everything I put you through. When I'm about to fall somehow you're always waitin with your open arms to catch me. You're gonna save me from myself.
My love is tainted by your touch. Some guys have shown me aces, but you've got that royal flush. I know it's crazy everyday, well tomorrow may be shaky, but you never turn away. Don't ask me why I'm cryin, cause when I start to crumble you know how to keep me smiling. You always save me from myself. You're gonna save me from myself. I know it's hard, but you've broken all my walls. You've been my strength, so strong, and don't ask me why I love you it's obvious your tenderness is what I need to make me a better woman to myself You're gonna save me from myself.

-ca

:D .. wow

I've been talking about this dude for some time now, and i cannot express how infatuated i am with him. Haha, just listen to his laugh! I've never heard his voice till nov.5. And i'm not going to forget it. This video may not be mine, or for me, or have anything to do with me, but .. i don't even know. I guess it just shows how down to earth this guy really is. He took the time to stop and talk to a random guy on the phone, how nice is that? Honestly i did't expect the jabba boys to be that nice. But they were so sincere about everything. So polite, so well mannered. It was a bit of a surprise but also a huge relief, since i was so very intimidated.

Next time i know i'm going to meet someone i look up to, i have to prepare what i'm going to say, cause i was to overwhelmed by Josephs presence!

I respect him for his passion and creativity for dance, i respect his love for his family and his friends, and i respect him for his trust in god.

You are truely a blessing and i'm so..so... i don't even know a word to describe this, but i'm SO SO ______ that i got to meet you!

That's what he said

Yep, the very own PETER TAYLOR that made this shirt <3>

Some Kind of Feelin

I felt like I was back home. Where I was supposed to be.

It was just what I needed, to felt like I belonged, without

breaking any rules, without having anything to hide. I just

needed some kind of feelin to reassure my self existence.

I am still here. It wasn't just a bad night mare, sht really is

getting rough, but I'm still here, and I know this 'cause i 

can still feel. I'm sorry Mr. Chambers but, "I think therefore

 I am" just doesn't cut it right now. Philosophy is not the 

answer for this kind of question. 

'Sanks G'ford,

'Sanks Fellas'

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whats next?

Not In My Right State Of Mind

The other day I was on my way home, on the bus. It was about 8:30, I believe, and was already dark outside. I don't like how the days are shorter, and the nights are longer. Well it was only the bus driver, me, and one other guy on the bus. I was reading my book on the bus but i stopped because i knew my stop was coming up. I'm trying to look outside the windows to see where we are. Since it was pretty dark it was hard to tell 'cause the neighborhood looks pretty similar. I see where we are and start thinking about when I'm going to pull the wire. I'm looking towards the front from sitting just behind the back doors, and i kind of see the stop sign flicker on, as if someone pulled it, but incorrectly, or too hard. I look at the other only guy on the bus and i didn't see him move at all. In my head I'm thinking if he might have pressed the handicap alarm on the side in the front. So I'm not worrying about pulling the wire because i guess he was going to get off at the same stop as me. Then i glance over and we miss my stop. I check the front again and the stop light is turned off, like it never was pulled to begin with. I call out to the bus driver "You missed my stop!" and he pulls over to the side and lets me out. 

I'm on the side of the road, in the dark, not close to my stop, walking home. I don't like how this area doesn't have enough street lights. As I'm walking home I'm trying to figure out what happened back there? Maybe my eyes just saw what it wanted to see.. but i don't remember being THAT tired. The whole cold walk home i was confused and scared. 

I don't understand...

"My unthought through actions of stupidity,"

I over did it.

Everything was just.. overwhelming, wasn't it? Once again I was the bad cop. It always comes around the next day, when I'm back to my senses, and have time to think about last nights conversation. "Why did I have to mention that when I knew it would end that way?". There I go again, not thinking, just acting.. acting stupid. Saying the first frustrated thing that boils up in my mind. And I'm here, next morning thinking what was I DOING?! Mad at myself, 'cause I know I pushed it. Nothing would have happened if I didn't have to open my mouth to begin with. I should have just kept it all in, no matter how much sht bugged me. I knew better than that.. or at least I thought I did. I think I got scared. Scared of loosing you even more than I already had. Yet, I was trying so hard to avoid the very thing I was doing. Pushing you away even further. You can't imagine how bad I feel, or how sorry I am. (I hate the over use of that word.)But I wholeheartedly mean it.

That whole time we were together that day, I did not even realize the date. October 16th... A day I told myself I would not forget. Can't believe its been a year now. It didn't seem that long ago, since I still remember how it went down, and how it went the day after, and the day after that. Kanye's concert would have been a lot different, and seeing you act "that way" the day after that... well that changed A LOT for me. I'm not even going to go into the "what if"s, 'cause everybody knows that you can't change the past, so why bother trying to make it up in your mind and stress over something that's not going to happen? I say don't.

Situations been messed up so badly that, 'nothing even matters' no more. What's done is done. And what left is there possibly left for me to screw up?

I got to look past all of this, and learn from it. I've already been doing a good job with covering up my emotions, and looking pretty happy. I'm not going to let myself mope around. No more of that. Just learn. Just find happiness.

Preview for next post

I'll be sharing a few words on my experience with the new nano, when i'm not so busy.

Love You Baby

Aaliyah Jai RiveraCommon' , how cute is this picture? Can't believe you're almost one years old. You got two more months baby, and you'll be at a full digit number. Love you baby, don't grow up too fast.

Lost tew teef
Lost my ring!!! SO PISSED
i feel so empty without it.
I LOVED THAT RING!!!
SO ANGRY!

yeah thats all. class is over

For The Moment

Listening to "soldier" by Erykah Badu on my DS. Divided from the majority of the class who is in photography, i'm supposed to be working on my sketch. But its not my fault, they need all the desks right now, so i have no choice but to be sitting here on the computer. I actually think i'm supposed to be apart of the photography side of the class, but because i'm in art in blk A as well i've just been stuck using as much time as i can on my other projects for blk A.

can't wait till its done.

ok media students are removed from the desks and back on the computers. I'm going to finish my project.

Damn..

I'm already bored of my hair..

Maybe if it was shorter in the back, longer in the front, and had more layers, then maybe i'd be a little more satisfied with it for another couple months or so. But my hairs starting to grow, and it isn't as "wow" as it was the day i got it cut. I don't think i want to re-cut it though becuase the 1st hair cut was already expensive enough, and i want to start growing my hair already becuase i at least want to be able to have it up somehow for grad.

I miss running my fingers through my long hair as i combed through the managable tangles and pullled over my hair to one side so i could see what i would be writing...

Once my hair grows back, i think i'd miss being able to dry my short hair so quickly and how it always just stayed in place.

Yeah but i still want my long hair back.. so i could actually style it. Short hair doesn't do much. Or maybe i just haven't demonstrated enough with it just yet.

Here i go, endlessly waiting till my hair grows back.
Damn..